Revision Paragraphs This will do two things: Highlight things you did well Discuss things you changed For both, you’ll need quotes from your paper.

Bad revision paragraph I changed a couple of words in my essay. I left the details the same because they were good. I was happy with my work.

Good revision paragraph I felt the majority of my details were strong, especially in the first body paragraph when I described the fish as “a whale of a beast, with scales at least five inches wide and eyes larger than gleaming silver party platters.” Also, in the final body paragraph, I felt I did a nice job describing the cleaning of the monstrous fish: “With one cut of the knife I found myself swimming in warm, reeking intestines.” One problem I had in the rough draft was my introduction. My opening line used to read, “Fishing is a nice way to spend a Saturday.” My peer editor felt this was a bit boring, so now the sentence reads, “A quiet lake, its water still as glass, with only my boat floating in the center forms the picture of a perfect Saturday.” I had several problems with word usage, such as mixing up our and are, or using the wrong form of their, and I made sure that these were all corrected in the final copy.