Put Your Sentences on a Diet and Give These Orphans a Home! Correcting Wordy Sentences

CHECK THE STRETCHERS Cut every it not referring to something Delete every to be, which, that, who, whom not needed for clarity. Cut there is and it is. These are passive stretchers.

Examples [There are] many students [who] never take advantage of the Writing Clinic. Moreover, [there is] one segment of the population [which] never seeks employment.

[There is] nothing wrong with it. Nothing is wrong with it. [It is to be] expected that a snowstorm will hit. We are expecting a snowstorm.

[It is] this argument [that] is important. This argument is important.

Improve the following: There are many teachers who believe the school year should not be lengthened. It was apparent that many students had not studied effectively for the test.

After a few games of pool, it was time to go to bed. It did not take much to persuade his father. It did not matter if I won or lost, I would get to keep the big cow.

Give These Orphans a Home It This That These Those Which

Remember the rules for passive stretchers: Cut every it not referring to something Delete every to be, which, that, who, whom not needed for clarity. Cut there is and it is. These are passive stretchers. Each of the above “orphans” requires a noun or noun phrase as a reference word.

SIMPLE CURES: Orphan it Avoid overuse of it It has been decided that we will delay the game. It is a reckless thing to do. It is imperative that students staple their papers on a 45 degree angle.

Orphan this, that, these, those Follow this, that, these, those by a noun or noun phrase This is delicious. This cheesecake is delicious! This is evident when Scout meets Boo Radley. This maturity is evident when Scout meets Boo Radley.

Orphan which Supply a noun for the which clause to modify Which is best? Which solution is best? Which is the most heavily weighted assignment? Which assignment is most heavily weighted?

Improve these sentences: I don't know why the teacher is so passionate about my writing style. It overwhelms me. Can you imagine a child who loves to see others in pain? Well, some of you may find this very hard to imagine, but I see it every day.

He tried to punch me, kick me, and throw his shoes at me He tried to punch me, kick me, and throw his shoes at me. It hurt like something else. When I talk to him, all I can think about is his horrible garlic breath and yellow teeth. Along with that comes his deep, dark, low voice that sounds like a growl.

She was thin which was caused by overwork and worry.