Healthy Relationships Is it Love or Lust?

Bellwork On a half sheet of paper answer the following question in paragraph form: What makes a great relationships? What are the foundations to make a relationships last?

Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False? 1. There is probably only one person meant for you. 2. Breaking up should be done slowly so you don't hurt the other person too much. 3. If you feel the "chemistry," i.e., intense attraction, it's probably love. 4. If you find the right person you will be happy. 5. Opposites attract. 6. Happy couples have fewer differences and argue less than unhappy couples. 7. On average people have one serious romance before they find someone they want to marry. 8. Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce your chances of divorce later on.

What Makes a Great Relationship ? What are the key ingredients?

Positive Starters + Developed Slowly = Very Stable Relationship Pyramid Mature Love Positive Starters + Developed Slowly = Very Stable Relationship Deepening and Developing Relationship Positive Starters

Building Blocks of Love Being Attracted to him/her Being Excited to see and be with him/her Feeling at ease with each other Being friends first Sharing happy experiences

Building Blocks of Love Respecting their values and integrity Understanding and respecting their feelings Recognizing and appreciating things they do for you Taking pride in their accomplishments Being concerned for their happiness

Building Blocks of Love Being concerned for their safety Showing admiration for talents/personality Desiring to make them happy Hoping for a future together LOVE

Inverted Relationship Pyramid YOU HAVE NO COMMITMENT, NO TRUST! Not Really Mature Doesn’t Feel Like a Friend Few Common Interests; Time Together Not Much Fun No Development Communication Not Great No Foundation One-Sided Relationship No Positive Starters SEX

Information All Teens Should Know: Most first-time sexual relationships are romantic but short-lived. 8 out of 10 first-time sexual relationships last six months or less. ¼ are one time occurrences. Surveys of sexually active teens reveal that the majority wish they’d waited. More than 7 out of 10 girls and more than 5 out of 10 boys surveyed say this. The Centers for Disease Control collects data on teens every two years on sexual and other behaviors. The number of teens who have had sexual intercourse has declined 14% in the last decade. 47% percent of 15 to 19-year-old teens report they have had sexual intercourse. These are averages and obviously there are significant differences among different teens.  

Information All Teens Should Know: More than half of all teens (ages 15-19 years) have NOT had sexual intercourse, and of the half that have, most wish they had waited. Unfortunately, the half who have not had sexual intercourse sometimes think they are out of it because they believe “everybody’s doing it.” In reality, “everybody is not doing it.” Moreover, some teens—especially boys because of social pressures—lie about having had sex. Even those who brag about how many people they have had sex with often are not having sex at all.

Information All Teens Should Know: We also know from surveys that boys show significant respect—though often unspoken—for girls who resist pressure to have sex and remain virgins. And, girls have respect for guys who are not “players.”   Many teens believe it is okay for a couple to have sex if they feel they are in love. The problem here is that the “feelings” of love may not yet be real love. The “love chemicals” could be surging, it could be more about lust and less about love. Further, one could have an unrealistic concept of what real love really is.

Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved. Attracted to Someone... Falling in Love... How Do You Feel? Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.  

The Brain Chemistry of Love Slide 3.21 The Brain Chemistry of Love For weeks or months you get a big shot of the “love chemicals.” Those chemicals make it easy to slide into risky or poor relationship and sexual choices.

The Brain Chemistry of Love Tip: Enjoy the great feelings….but remember you won’t see clearly until those chemicals settle down a bit. Make the focus be on getting to know the person, having fun. Go slow—go smart!

3 Components of Relationships Commitment Intimacy Passion

3 Components of Relationships Intimacy – being close to someone & sharing personal things (feelings, ideas, hopes, desires, etc.) Passion – strong emotional feelings that move you to express things verbally & physically Commitment – pledging yourself to another person; promising to be true & faithful

Infatuation is very focused on looks and attractions.   Infatuation Love Infatuation is very focused on looks and attractions. Love is learned and grows gradually. You don’t need to rush real love. Infatuation makes you afraid that if the person saw and knew you as you really are, he or she might not like you any longer. Your focus is on looking and acting the way you think he or she wants you to. Love makes you more likely to do what you know is right. Love will not ask you to do things you are morally unsure of or are not ready for. Infatuation seems to happen all at once often before you even know each other very well. Love means you can be the real you. You don’t have to pretend to look or act the way you think he or she wants you to. Infatuation might lead you to do things you don’t really think are right just to keep the relationship. He or she tries to talk you into thinking something is right even when you know deep down that it is not. Love involves the total person…not only physical attraction and looks. Love admires personality and character traits as well. You enjoy doing things and talking together. Infatuation is jealous, mistrusting, and uncertain. It makes you wonder and worry that you will be dropped when he or she is friendly with someone else. Love involves trust. It brings security. You enjoy each other’s friends without suspicions or jealousies.   Infatuation Love Infatuation is very focused on looks and attractions. 1. Love is learned and grows gradually. You don’t need to rush real love. Infatuation makes you afraid that if the person saw and knew you as you really are, he or she might not like you any longer. Your focus is on looking and acting the way you think he or she wants you to. 2. Love makes you more likely to do what you know is right. Love will not ask you to do things you are morally unsure of or are not ready for. Infatuation seems to happen all at once often before you even know each other very well. 3. Love means you can be the real you. You don’t have to pretend to look or act the way you think he or she wants you to. 4. Infatuation might lead you to do things you don’t really think are right just to keep the relationship. He or she tries to talk you into thinking something is right even when you know deep down that it is not. 4. Love involves the total person…not only physical attraction and looks. Love admires personality and character traits as well. You enjoy doing things and talking together. Infatuation is jealous, mistrusting, and uncertain. It makes you wonder and worry that you will be dropped when he or she is friendly with someone else. 5. Love involves trust. It brings security. You enjoy each other’s friends without suspicions or jealousies.   Infatuation Love Infatuation is very focused on looks and attractions. 1. Love is learned and grows gradually. You don’t need to rush real love. Infatuation makes you afraid that if the person saw and knew you as you really are, he or she might not like you any longer. Your focus is on looking and acting the way you think he or she wants you to. 2. Love makes you more likely to do what you know is right. Love will not ask you to do things you are morally unsure of or are not ready for. Infatuation seems to happen all at once often before you even know each other very well. 3. Love means you can be the real you. You don’t have to pretend to look or act the way you think he or she wants you to. 4. Infatuation might lead you to do things you don’t really think are right just to keep the relationship. He or she tries to talk you into thinking something is right even when you know deep down that it is not. 4. Love involves the total person…not only physical attraction and looks. Love admires personality and character traits as well. You enjoy doing things and talking together. Infatuation is jealous, mistrusting, and uncertain. It makes you wonder and worry that you will be dropped when he or she is friendly with someone else. 5. Love involves trust. It brings security. You enjoy each other’s friends without suspicions or jealousies.   Infatuation Love Infatuation is very focused on looks and attractions. 1. Love is learned and grows gradually. You don’t need to rush real love. Infatuation makes you afraid that if the person saw and knew you as you really are, he or she might not like you any longer. Your focus is on looking and acting the way you think he or she wants you to. 2. Love makes you more likely to do what you know is right. Love will not ask you to do things you are morally unsure of or are not ready for. Infatuation seems to happen all at once often before you even know each other very well. 3. Love means you can be the real you. You don’t have to pretend to look or act the way you think he or she wants you to. 4. Infatuation might lead you to do things you don’t really think are right just to keep the relationship. He or she tries to talk you into thinking something is right even when you know deep down that it is not. 4. Love involves the total person…not only physical attraction and looks. Love admires personality and character traits as well. You enjoy doing things and talking together. Infatuation is jealous, mistrusting, and uncertain. It makes you wonder and worry that you will be dropped when he or she is friendly with someone else. 5. Love involves trust. It brings security. You enjoy each other’s friends without suspicions or jealousies.   Infatuation Love Infatuation is very focused on looks and attractions. 1. Love is learned and grows gradually. You don’t need to rush real love. Infatuation makes you afraid that if the person saw and knew you as you really are, he or she might not like you any longer. Your focus is on looking and acting the way you think he or she wants you to. 2. Love makes you more likely to do what you know is right. Love will not ask you to do things you are morally unsure of or are not ready for. Infatuation seems to happen all at once often before you even know each other very well. 3. Love means you can be the real you. You don’t have to pretend to look or act the way you think he or she wants you to. 4. Infatuation might lead you to do things you don’t really think are right just to keep the relationship. He or she tries to talk you into thinking something is right even when you know deep down that it is not. 4. Love involves the total person…not only physical attraction and looks. Love admires personality and character traits as well. You enjoy doing things and talking together. Infatuation is jealous, mistrusting, and uncertain. It makes you wonder and worry that you will be dropped when he or she is friendly with someone else. 5. Love involves trust. It brings security. You enjoy each other’s friends without suspicions or jealousies.