From Criticisms to requests Challenge 4 From Criticisms to requests

Objective: To translate your (and other peoples complaints and criticisms into specific requests, and explain your requests.) What is the difference between asking someone for something and telling them what to do? How do you respond when someone asks you to do something as opposed to telling you to do something?

Look on page 4-1 in your workbook Look at the section of your workbook titled “Why many people have a hard time with making requests” Read the section. On your own paper, answer the following: Why is making requests hard?

Look on page 4-1 in your workbook Look at the section of your workbook titled “Why criticisms don’t get the positive result we want” Read the section. On your own paper, answer the following: What happens when we place people on the defensive?

Look on page 4-1 in your workbook Look at the section of your workbook titled “Specific action requests help focus your listener’s attention on the present situation” Read the section. On your own paper, answer the following: What should we avoid when making specific action requests?

Look on page 4-2 in your workbook Look at the section titled “Explanatory clauses can move people to cooperate” Read the section. On your own paper, answer the following: The workbook suggests that many people respond more positively to explained requests than unexplained requests, even when the supposed explanation is obvious or doesn’t actually explain much of anything. According to your workbook, why is this the case?

How do we make an action request? We make a request (as opposed to state a complaint), and we also list a reason for the request. The template is: Request statement____ Reason Statement________ Ex: Complaint: I’m bored Request statement: Can I have a friend over because I am lonely.

Practice with Common Complaints: “Mom, school is so hard” “Mom, you’re mean” “Dad, I’m hungry”

“Mom, school is so hard” “Mom, you’re mean” “Dad, I’m hungry” How can we translate them into action requests? Template: Request statement/ Reason statement “Mom, school is so hard” “Mom, can I stay after school for tutoring, so I can do better in school?” “Mom, you’re mean” “Mom, can we talk about our communication dynamics so we can get along better?” “Dad, I’m hungry” “Dad, can we stop and get some food so that my stomach stops growling?”

“Waiter, this soup is cold” “Dad, I have no money” On your own paper, translate the following complaints into action requests: “Mom, my head hurts” “Waiter, this soup is cold” “Dad, I have no money” “Mr. Moser, this assignment is confusing” “Greg, I am bored” “Bob, Don’t be so mean” “Sally, I can’t hear the TV” Template: Request statement/ Reason Statement

Look on page 4-3 in your workbook Complete exercise 4-1 in your workbook. Write them on the lines in your workbook.

Look on page 4-4- in your workbook Read the exercise 4-2: Letting Go of Fear, and answer the following questions on your own paper: What do we risk by listening? What is the only way we can build a relationship in which people listen to us? What do we risk by expressing ourselves? According to the author- what are our fears? In your workbook, review the article “Freedom from Fear” on pages 4-4 and 4-9. Highlight or circle the statements you would like to embrace as you let go of fear.

Poster Review page 4-11. Listed are 10 reasons why it is good to work towards conflict resolution. At your tables, you will make a poster presentation addressing the suggestion that corresponds with your table number. For example- table one will make a poster based on suggestion 1, etc. You poster must include the suggestion and a description of the suggestion, and at least two images.

Turn to Page 4-12 In your workbook, answer the question on page 4-12.