Supporting your child with relationships at school A briefing for parents and carers Karin Hutchinson Lead Adviser for Wellbeing, Herts for Learning Anti-bullying is relevant to the school’s responsibilities in service delivery (i.e. to pupils) and As an employer This presentation focuses primarily on pupil issues but most of the principles are relevant across both. Where bullying exists in an organisation the culture will affect the whole organisation

Children and teenagers are learning to be social beings and they will make mistakes!

These behaviours are not bullying… Teasing between friends where there is no deliberate intention to cause hurt. Conflicts and disputes involving ‘tit for tat’ hurtful behaviour. Falling out between friends after a quarrel or disagreement. Unacceptable behaviour that all parties have consented to and enjoy. But they do set in place circumstances where bullying could develop if things are not checked and resolved

Most hurtful behaviour in schools is not bullying Most hurtful behaviour in schools is not bullying. Schools want to catch problems early so they don’t escalate. Encourage your child to report incidents they cannot resolve quickly and help them to report problems in school themselves.

If your child is upset about an incident… Find out as much as you can about how they feel, what happened, where and when, who has been told and what has been done. (Please remember you only have part of the story) Ask them what happened before that, that might have led or contributed to the incident. Ask them what they think the other child/children might be feeling Reassure them that it can be sorted out Help your child report it or contact the school yourself with your concerns – don’t assume that the school knows what you know! Give the school time to investigate and respond Expect some feedback on what has happened, but not necessarily all the details Some important things for parents to realise when addressing bullying issues with schools and clubs…

What can you do while you are waiting? Try to be measured and calm Avoid communicating that your child is helpless or a victim… it makes it harder for them to recover Avoid labelling another child as a bully… it makes it harder to repair relationships! Do not directly approach the other child or their family members – it is important things are dealt with by the school Don’t be tempted to go onto social media to offload.

Once the incident has been dealt with: Be positive about moving forward and fresh starts. Help your child to reconcile, repair relationships and put resolved incidents behind her/him Avoid asking leading questions that tell your child that you are still worried. It also teaches them to get your attention by having a problem. Help your child to rebuild self esteem and self worth Help her/him to practise or implement any agreed strategy Sometimes bad things happen but you can BOUNCE BACK Sometimes we make mistakes but

Guidance to our children: Helping others with upsets and conflicts Be a friend to everyone – don’t take sides or try to judge who is right or wrong Don’t tell anyone what to do Encourage friends with problems to talk to each other to try to talk it out Don’t gossip about friends with friendship problems If they can’t sort things out, help them to get help from a member of staff

Ensure your children know: “If you are worried, hurt or in trouble there is nothing so bad or so trivial that we can’t talk about it… if you can’t talk to me, you must talk to someone…who else can you identify to talk to? if you can’t talk face to face: Childline 0800 1111 www.cybermentors.org.uk” Again there are preventative strategies that families can have in place. These are from Preventative behaviours approach… Now going to have a look at some photos and think about bullying stereotypes. Have a look at these and think about what assumptions about bullying relationships that people might bring to these photos and what else might be going on….

Cyberbullying Think B4 U Post Who can see this? Could someone misinterpret what I am saying? Am I showing a bad side of myself? Am I giving away personal information? Am I angry? Could this upset someone? Could this cause problems now or in the future?

Cyber-bullying - How to help Talk about cyberbullying- listen Offer support and reassurance Keep the evidence Do not reply Block people Report to the website Report it at school if appropriate Report it the police if appropriate Rebuild confidence Mention your child could be the bully Work with the school not in opposition to school

Encourage your child to Try to resolve friendship problems Report problems they can’t resolve Take responsibility for their behaviour – most problems involve hurt on both sides Learn to change problem behaviours Be and value themselves and not compare themselves with others (positively or negatively) Put resolved issues into the past and move on