Helping Skills (Clara Hill) REL E 600 Chapter 4 Self-Awareness

Self-Awareness Every human has four endowments—self-awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom…the power to choose, to respond, to change. (Steve Covey)

Self-Awareness What is self-awareness- Williams (2008) suggested that self-awareness an be though of as either a stable characteristic (i.e., self-knowledge or self-insight) or a state of heightened self-focus (i.e., sensitivity in the her-and-now) or a state of heightened self-focus. 72 The first type is “Who am I?” The second type is “What am I feeling?” Many aspects of self-awareness are unconscious. Clara Hill suggests that you read this chapter at the beginning of your training and then come back to it as the years go by, i.e., as you grow and change.

Self-Knowledge and Self-Insight Helpers need to be aware of their own issues, i.e., how they come across to others, their own painful experiences, etc. Also, our biases, what we are, what we bring to the process. Characteristics of the helper, and motivations for wanting to be a helper are critical for self-awareness.

Characteristics of Helpers Helpers have several characteristics in common: Listen carefully and empathically, not judgmental, open to new experiences and perspective are friendly, and like to listen. Trustworthy, Also, characteristics that make it difficult to maintain self-awareness Perfectionism and lack of tolerance Defensiveness Explore difficult topics What does this mean? What can we do to understand how these qualities in ourselves can influence the helping process? Another line of research is how many sessions are needed to reduce psychological distress and return the client to a state of normal functioning.

Motivations for Wanting to Help What motivates us to help? Other oriented (help society, etc) Self-oriented (feel good and provided meaning in life) Other Oriented Motivations Experience counseling themselves Enter to work for social change Self Oriented Motivation Heal themselves or to work with family members or friends. Consistent with their religious and culture values Intellectual challenging o help others (altruism) We have talked about the facilitative aspects of helping, now let’s talk about the problematic aspects of helping. Intro to next slide.

Motivations for Wanting to Help Negative aspects of self-oriented help Needy Messiah complex Feel superior Pride, achievement (may not be the best choice) Balance Between Other-Orientation and Self-Orientation Read paragraph on page 76, We have talked about the facilitative aspects of helping, now let’s talk about the problematic aspects of helping. Intro to next slide.

Awareness of Biases All of us have biases Most of us are attracted to people who are similar to us. We need to be aware of our hot buttons (culture) Working with those who have abused, raped, committed crimes, etc. Countertransference (chapter 11) -working with those who are boisterous loud, overbearing, dependent clients. Helpers have problems of working with people who are different from them or similar. How is this?

Strategies to Increase Self-Knowledge/ Self-Insight It is important that helpers learn about themselves so that personal issues do not intrude into the pastoral counseling process Psychotherapy (what was your reaction to this?) Self-Reflection Journaling Mindfullnesss

Strategies to Increase Self-Knowledge/ Self-Insight Types of in-the-moment Self-Awareness (Two Types) Facilitative self-awareness (i.e., being able to be mindful and accepting of thoughts and feelings as they emerge. Hindering self-awareness such as negative self-talk about personal issues, anxiety about one’s skills or performance as a helper. (What am I going to say next?)

Strategies For Increasing in-the-moment Facilitative Self-Awareness and Decreasing Interfering Self-Awareness It is important that helpers learn about themselves so that personal issues don’t intrude in PC. (depleted, tired, sad, lack of self-compassion). Practice the following strategies to improve PC process Increase self-awareness (read paragraph 82) Increase self-compassion (negative and positive feelings) Don’t be so hard on yourself Try to understand where these feelings come from. You can do something about them.

Healthy Life-Style Self-care (fully engaged) Sleep Exercise Healthy Diet Strong support network (isolation) Love and Work Strong Devotional Life-style (Worship and Service

What do you Think? Is self-care really important? What message do you give to clients if your are obviously not caring for yourself (e.g., you come to a session with a cold or look extremely tired)? What interferes with self-awareness? Can you have too much self-awareness? Do you think that personal psychotherapy and self-reflection are necessary or helpful? Can people change? Is there free will?

Questions?