Transforming Explosive Tantrums Into Cooperation Strategies for Helping Children (and Caretakers) Achieve Emotional Regulation John Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D. Professor of Counselor Education, University of Montana – john.sf@mso.umt.edu Tip sheets and resources: johnsommersflanagan.com

Workshop Overview This workshop is rated “PG” A blend of personal discoveries and evidence Caveats and excuses This is YOUR workshop Talking and not talking – Practice Communicate respectfully We will never get finished

Introduction Opening survey Opening story Your triggers or buttons?

Chapter 1 Your child’s triggers Your best strategies Why don’t your best strategies work for your children?

Chapter 2 A New Attitude Looking forward to the problem (like nightmares) Coming alongside for emotion-coaching (Gottman) Tune in Connect Listen, name, and validate Collaborate on problem-solving (more on this later) John

Chapter 3 Learning to Growl (and make a new plan) The Whispering Story John

Chapter 4 Use Passionate Praise and Boring Punishment (and avoid the all-natural and not helpful backward behavior modification) Sara

Chapter 5 Grandma’s Rule (with transition support) When you, then you . . . Sara

Chapter 6 Special time 20 minutes story Tip sheet: https://johnsommersflanagan.com/tip-sheets/ Sara and maybe John Story

Chapter 7 Simultaneous empathy and limit-setting Children at the fair Offer one warning after setting a limit John

Chapter 8 Mutual problem-solving Role Play demonstration Identify the problem Brainstorm alternatives Discuss and rank the alternatives Try one or two or three out Evaluate and report back (Return to #1, while managing your expectations) Video

Chapter 9 Character feedback Broccoli story Sara

Chapter 10 Four (possible) roads to self-regulation PMR Breathing Autogenic training Visualization John

Chapter 11 The Three-Step Emotional Change Trick Feel the feeling (Honor it) When you’re ready, think a new thought or do something different Spread the good mood This is a collaborative emotional education model John

Chapter 12 React or Reflect – You choose Hand-pushing game Mental sets John

Closing Comments Closing story – That dog don’t hunt What will you remember? What will you try out? You’re the kind of parents who just keep on learning.

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