Evolutionary Barriers and Opportunities Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem.

One (unfinished) essay: a case history Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem.

Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem.

Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem.

Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem.

Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem.

Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem. First Draft

My initial vision was impossible First Lesson: My initial vision was impossible Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem.

Start Over Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem.

First Edit Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem.

Fourth Edit Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem.

First Draft Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem.

Some problems: - Lacks detail (of course) - Sloppy and wastes words (of course) - Disorganised: not one idea per paragraph (of course) - Takes too long to get to nut graf (3rd para rather than 2nd) - Examples of SDG conflicts get in way Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem.

Need: condense 3 paras into 2 First Draft Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem. Need: condense 3 paras into 2

Obstacle 1: example of progress First Draft Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem. Obstacle 1: example of progress

First sentence of second paragraph belongs in the first paragraph: it's on the topic of good progress on the SDGs Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem.

First Draft Obstacle 2: example of “obvious” conflicts Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem. Obstacle 2: example of “obvious” conflicts

that this research is showing how to avoid the worst conflicts The fact that there are “obvious” conflicts steers me away from getting to the main point: that this research is showing how to avoid the worst conflicts This needs to be background material coming after the “nut graf” Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem.

First Draft Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem. Better – but second paragraph wastes many words and needs shortening

This sentence does nothing Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem. This sentence does nothing

Many words can be eliminated by making a more direct statement Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem. Many words can be eliminated by making a more direct statement

Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem. Using better words – “regress” rather than “moving away”, and mentioning the new study, which I had removed in earlier edit.

Current Draft Discovery: “obvious” conflicts come later Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem. Discovery: “obvious” conflicts come later

Current Draft Poor topic sentence: I still have a problem!!!!! Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem. Poor topic sentence: I still have a problem!!!!!

Current Draft I still have weak spots in the argument!!!!! Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem. I still have weak spots in the argument!!!!!

Introduce ourselves, describe our general aim: to teach how to write more effective scientific papers, effective meaning clear. Youve all had the frustrating experience of not being able to understand a paper that seemed like it might be saying something interesting. Give example of really bad writing on following slide – what you want to avoid At end we hope youll be able to produce well writte papers that avoid that problem.