How to Talk to Kids About Scary Topics Deborah Gilboa, MD

Why are we Here? Moves Divorce Deployment War Illness Domestic Violence Death Job loss Sex GLBT Drugs Bullying Alcohol Whatever is on your mind Mental illness Why are we Here?

When is the right age? Consider exposure – will they hear about it? Under 8 and won’t hear – don’t need to If they’ll hear or will be talking about it, give them the adults in the conversation Be their first, best expert When is the right age?

Where do kids learn? Parents Trusted Adults School Peers Popular culture Online Where do kids learn?

Why should we talk to them? Greater context Help with managing emotions Strategies for understanding and for feeling ok Values! Resources Practice at resilience

The Plan Manage Research Decide Figure out Ask Talk Listen Take Check back Check back in Take Take a fun break! Listen Listen again Talk Talk a little! (info and value) Ask Ask a question, listen to the answer and the emotion Figure out Figure out how much is enough Decide Decide the value you want to give with the info Research Research the topic Manage Manage your own emotion The Plan

Manage your own reaction Avoid your own burnout Model this path for your kids – You are always teaching Positive coping mechanisms Manage your own reaction

1 2 3 Research the topic Purpose: build your own confidence Brainstorm questions 2 Find reliable info: 3

Pick a value What do you want this child to believe about this topic? Give a value with your information! Match it to this child’s age and personality. Start and end with this! Pick a value

How much is enough? Consider Discuss with a mentor? Find your boundary The child The adult The values Discuss with a mentor? Find your boundary Plan your response How much is enough?

The first talk Distractions Phones/screens Interruptions Where? Short Mood matters! When? The first talk

First ask what they know or believe Start by asking a question Have you heard about this OR Have you ever heard about this topic? Listen To the answers To the emotions First ask what they know or believe

Information + 1 value Give a piece of info – and a value Keep it short, wait for their follow up Give them chance to absorb/process Don’t have to answer every question Be transparent about when you’re done (and why) End by improving emotions Information + 1 value

Adults matter Tough topics are great opportunities. Strengthen your relationship. Pass on your values. Build Responsibility, Respect, Resilience Bad things will happen, What matters is what WE do next. This is the chance to teach families how to be resilient

Dr. G has digital resources YOU need for your families! Pick a time to talk to her about it! (click this!)