Helping Students (and yourself) in Grief Sheri Khan, LPC

Objective In 91 minutes, you will feel more empowered to help students experiencing grief by understanding your own. Ready...Set...Go!

Agenda Why is this important? Definitions 4 Tasks Grief Model Continuing Bonds Lenses of Grief Resources What’s on your mind? ✩ Resources available online at thegriefcompass.com

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Definitions Loss ‘Having to say goodbye when you’re not ready’ Not only death! Turn & Share What losses have you experienced in your life? What losses have you experienced this year? Story - Working with junior high at a school who was honoring a former student who passed away, I asked a class what loss means…..

Loss Death Financial Career Pet Health Divorce Friendship Home Retirement Child leaving Religion Dreams Crime Memories

Definitions Grief Natural response to loss resulting in conflicting feelings Changes shape over time Bereavement The state of having suffered a loss Bereave and rob derive from the same root Mourning Active process of coping with a death Roller coaster of emotion

4 Tasks of Mourning - Worden Tasks versus Stages 4 Tasks to accomplish for balance to be restored No set order Tasks revisited Roller coaster of emotion

4 Tasks of Mourning Accept the Reality of the Loss Head and heart acceptance Work through the Pain Allow the emotions to flow Adjust to a New Environment Including Spiritual shifts Find Enduring Connection Ongoing connection Roller coaster of emotion

4 Tasks of Mourning Accept the Reality of the Loss Denial of the Loss Work through the Pain Cut off feelings and deny the pain Adjust to a New Environment Not developing new coping skills Find Enduring Connection … not to live Roller coaster of emotion

Which of the 4 Tasks speak to you the most? handout

Turn & Share How do you continue bonds in your life? Continuing Bonds ...Find enduring connection Slowly and gently find ways to adjust and redefine your relationship with the person who has died Rituals Turn & Share How do you continue bonds in your life? Roller coaster of emotion

Continuing Bonds Fingernail Polish Lighting Candles Speaking their Names Sharing their Memories Jewelry Safety store Animal Symbolism Spiritual Connections Ask for Advice Quilt Tattoos Providing a Rehab Stay Holiday Traditions Career Shifts Passwords Love Notes & Letters Recipes & Cooking Music Planting a Tree

Lenses of Grief | You Life Timeline Create a timeline showing the major events in your life & losses - add the healthy ways you’ve coped above the timeline and the unhealthy ways you’ve coped below

Lenses of Grief | Students 11-13 Years of Age Recognizes that death is inevitable and irreversible May view death as punishment Often very curious and interested in the “gory” details May come up with own theories or explanations of the reasons for the death 14-19 Years of Age May worry or think about own death Often avoids discussions of death Often angry at the deceased May fear the future Discussion of the critical events becomes the primary means of processing grief

Lenses of Grief | Students Listen You already do this! Validate Remember your own losses Share Healthy Coping ✩ Empathy Lesson Plan, Feelings Lesson Plan, Healthy Coping Ideas handout

Lenses of Grief | Small Group Reflection Healthy Coping Continuing Bonds Support Network ✩ Teen Grief Group outline & handouts

Lenses of Grief | School Loss & Grief Education Honoring Continuing Bonds ✩ Grief Awareness Day outline

Grief Awareness Day at Walsh Elementary Agenda included Loss Timeline Sharing Stories of Loss Memory Quilt Journaling Memory Boxes Balloon Release

Grief Awareness Day at Walsh Elementary Best part of day “I was able to understand that everyone is going through something of their own.” “When teachers disclosed their losses nd students participated at them. That showed students that teachers are humans too, and experience the same weakness/pain, when it comes to losing someone.” “Being able to let it all out and tell my story” What I will do differently “Not be afraid to grieve and show how I feel” “Write down what I feel” “Speak up about how I feel, not just keep it inside”

Resources The Grief Compass Consulting & Therapy - In-person & virtual EMDR thegriefcompass.com sheri@sherikhan.com The Dougy Center dougy.org Coalition to Support Grieving Students grievingstudents.org ✩ Grief Awareness Day outline

thegriefcompass.com

Recap Everyone experiences loss! Utilize the Four Tasks of Mourning Model Your Grief influences your everything, so do the work Resources are available to help

Save the Date! September 8, 2019 Second Annual Love Rocks! Remembrance Ceremony

Questions? Comments? What’s on your mind? Thank you! (Look under your seat.)

Sofia enduring connection