Raising a Grateful Child Karen Kinsel Silcox, PhD

Why do we want to raise grateful children? Gratitude helps us feel appreciated and our children feel more content. Feeling more content and thankful is linked to feeling happier. Feeling happier is linked to better health and longevity. Contentment Linked to Aging Well Giving Thanks Can Make You Happier

What are roadblocks to gratitude? What are your own roadblocks to gratitude? What are your children’s? It is easier for me to feel grateful when____________________. I feel grateful for______________________. It is a challenge for me to feel grateful when________________. I can make it less challenging to feel grateful by_____________. Think of something specific you are grateful for this morning.

Empathy Empathy: NOUN The ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Learning to see the world from other people’s perspectives helps us learn to be more empathetic. Empathy is linked to feeling thankful in your own life and building stronger relationships with others. Ask your children how they think someone Else feels in a situation when they tell a story, read, watch Media, observe, or people watch.

Bibliotherapy Use books and other forms of media to slow down and talk about facial expressions and feelings of characters. Help children learn empathy and appreciation through characters. Bibliotherapy can be a teaching tool to help children attune to the skill of building emotional intelligence (EI). You can also use your own pictures to reflect on emotions and build thankfulness by reflecting on your family’s life story. Books the instill an attitude of gratitude I Am Human-Susan Verde & Peter Reynolds

Social Modeling & Referencing Children learn by what they see and hear around them. Verbalize gratitude. Give it space in your life. “What are you thankful for today?” Authentically give SPECIFIC praise and acknowledge when you are thankful. When your child(ren) see you feeling thankful and acknowledging gratitude they are more likely to follow your example. Follow-up with a thank you after the fact, it helps people realize it was impactful enough to remember. Write your child(ren) a note about something specific you are thankful for about them or they have done recently. ***Be aware and cognizant of the messages in the media your children consume.

Feeling Appreciated Associate gratefulness with comfortable emotions. Foremost, use a variety of positive emotion words to tell your children how you feel when they are being grateful, kind, sincere, helpful, friendly, etc. “That was kind of you to …..”, “Thank you for….”, “I appreciate you doing…” Express to your child(ren) in a calm manner, instead of with frustration and guilt, how it feels to you when they aren’t being grateful. If you can’t express it calmly, wait, tell them later. When you wait you are modeling an important skill of calming down before you address a situation with anyone, but especially people that are important in your life. Let your children have do-overs. Encourage and guide what they could say instead.

Why we might need to hit pause? Forcing “grateful” doesn’t develop truly feeling grateful, it leads to the opposite, contempt and frustration. “You should be more grateful for…” Think about what your response is when your child is being ungrateful or expressing statements that are ungrateful? If your reaction is negative, sarcastic, guilt provoking, or argumentative, then your child creates a connection between grateful and uncomfortable interactions and feelings. They will likely mimic those emotions next time. The goal is to have children feel grateful and show grateful, not just display the words of grateful in a way that displays ungrateful. “Geeez, thanks…”

Reflective time and space Be intentional about talking about being thankful...more than just in November. Car rides? Meal time? Bedtime? Before or after an event or celebration? Before or after sports or a performance? Most importantly...do what is attainable and authentic to your family. Gratitude Journal Vertellis Prayer Mindfulness Kindness Matters Cards Breathe for Kids When you are present and aware of your current situation, it is easier to appreciate it and feel grateful for it, instead of wishing you are “somewhere” or “Someone” else. Stay in the Moment-Ted Talk

Appreciate the Small Stuff Google: Farmers thankful for rain. About 6,390,000 results Take a Hike! Stop and smell the flowers, watch for butterflies, bugs, clouds, rainbows, new places, & familiar spaces. Verbalize moments throughout your day that make your life and your children’s lives easier: the person who let you in when you were in traffic, the cashier who smiled, the teacher who helped you understand a concept, the WATCH Dog helping with drop off, the cafeteria helper who wiped off the table, the friend who sat next to you, or time with those you appreciate and love. Can you think of someone or something from today that made your life easier...no? Make someone else’s life a little easier. Science says it works.

Excess often makes it hard to see the trees within the forest. Less is More Clutter can contribute to anxiety, and anxiety can be a roadblock to feeling appreciative for what is around us. When we feel anxious, we feel overwhelmed instead of grateful. Excess often makes it hard to see the trees within the forest. Imagine if we went away every weekend, if we had dozens of cars, if we got a roomful of presents at our birthday, if we got a new toy every time we went to the store, we might be less likely to appreciate what we have. We tend to appreciate things and experiences which require waiting or work to get them and those of less bounty and access. The more we give our kids financially, in lack of responsibilities, in physical items, the more we expect them to feel grateful for all of it, all the time...and that doesn’t work.

Thinking about it again…. How do you encourage gratitude? Tips? Ideas? What are your own roadblocks to gratitude? What are your children’s? It is easier for me to feel grateful when____________________. I feel grateful for______________________. It is a challenge for me to feel grateful when________________. I can make it less challenging to feel grateful by_____________. Think of something specific you are grateful for this morning.