FAMILY PATTERNS OF COMMUNICATION Lesson 9 FAMILY PATTERNS OF COMMUNICATION

Communication patterns are first learned within the family. Styles of communication vary from family to family.

Four typical things people talk about: Topic messages: focus on events, ideas, places, or people. Self messages: focus on personal experiences Partner messages: focus on your partner’s experiences, thoughts, or feelings. Relationship messages: focus on comments that deal with personal involvement with others Four typical things people talk about:

Family patterns influence communication in other relationships as well. We continue to use family patterns unconsciously.

When dealing with CONFLICT SITUATIONS, people use different thought and behavior patterns.

Vertical Communication

Soliciting Attention : Put in effort trying to get others involved with them. May interrupt, boast, charm, or ask for special attention. Showcase their accomplishments and personal growth is limited. Soliciting Attention :

Tend to lecture, give orders, talk down, show hostility, or anger. They may find fault, blame and ridicule. Anger and resentment result from this. Continuous conflict Bossing or Punishing

Creating and Maintaining Distances Impersonal, mechanical communication increases the distance between people. People who are unwilling to be genuinely involved create or maintain distance. Sometimes they use humor to deflect engaging in true conversation. Their partners usually reach out to other people to find what they lack. Creating and Maintaining Distances

Pattern of giving up when one partner is bossing or punishing. People who surrender or give in fail to assert themselves and eventually lose their self- esteem. They may collect grievances to try and get even with their partner later on though. Surrendering

Vertical communication makes it harder for partners to settle their differences.

Level Communication

Rather than centering on who is right or wrong, consider each other’s ideas and express their own ideas without fear of rejection. Sharing Opinions

Ask each other questions and give feedback so you can clarify what has been said or felt. When seeking to understand, we demonstrate caring and appreciation. Seeking to Understand

Negotiating and Committing The negotiation process involves exploring various alternatives to reach an agreement. The negotiating atmosphere should allow each person to be treated equally. All ideas are considered with mutual respect. Negotiating and Committing

Encouragement establishes a safe environment and communicates a desire to build up understanding, support, and empathy. When people feel affirmed, their self-esteem grows. Encouraging