Assertiveness Putting forward your own NEEDS, IDEAS and FEELINGS, and also Respecting the Right of Others to do the same.

It involves: Acting in one’s own interest Expressing and standing up for Personal Rights and Feelings without violating other’s rights and feelings Expressing opinions fearlessly Making decisions

A commonly believed myth: To be successful, one Has to be Aggressive and To be otherwise,is to be Passive and ineffectual but Assertiveness is a happy medium between the two because……..

AGRESSIVENESS INVOLVES…. PASSIVENESS INVOLVES…. AGRESSIVENESS INVOLVES…. A total disregard for others Getting angry or using verbal force ‘ I am superior and right, you are inferior and wrong’ Undervaluing one’s own importance Assuming responsibility for other’s reactions and emotions ‘My perceptions, opinions, feelings etc. Are less important or correct than those of others’

To be (assertive) or not to be, the choice is yours……

Aggressive Behavior The body language Leaning forward Pointing fingers Piercing and glaring eye contact Jabbing

Aggressive Behavior [contd.] The way you talk The way you feel Loud In control of others Wanting to dominate Isolated Guilty Sarcastic Emphatic Arrogant

Aggressive Behavior [contd.] The way you make others feel Unfriendly Humiliated Afraid Resentful

Passive Behavior The body language Standing back Little / no eye contact Smiling even when upset

Passive Behavior [contd.] The way you talk Apologetic & vague Self - hating Hesitant Mourning

Passive Behavior [contd.] The way you feel Taken advantage of Anxious and frustrated Hurt and powerless

Passive Behavior [contd.] The way you make others feel Frustrated Insulting Guilty Out of patience

Assertive Behavior The body language Eye contact direct and not staring Relaxed, moving easily Open hand movements Head held up

Assertive Behavior [contd.] The way you talk Steady and firm Spontaneous Sincere Clear

Assertive Behavior [contd.] The way you feel Good about yourself Confident Responsible for your own actions Powerful within

Assertive Behavior [contd.] The way you make others feel Comfortable and at ease Respected as well as respectful

Verbal Behaviors Non- assertive I’ve invited my friends over for dinner tonight. Do you mind ? [Qs. with no options] Why do you always want to hurt my feelings ? [Qs. As punishers] Don’t you care enough about me to call every weekend ? [ assumptuous Qs.]

Verbal Behaviors [contd.] Assertive Would you be more specific about what I did that you didn’t like ? I would like us to share the responsibility for the housework I feel unhappy about what you just did.

Benefits of assertiveness Develop a sense of self worth Be more relaxed and open Less critical of self and others Know what you want from each situation Develop skills to handle difficult situations Quicker results are achieved Goals are easily achieved

Benefits of assertiveness [contd.] Behaviour is consistent Confidence increases Issues are resolved quickly Decision making process is speeded up Consensus is felicitated Discipline is felicitated Priorities are maintained

Steps to assertiveness Assess the situation Observe the other person Listen to the message Respond assertively

To become assertive Express yourself clearly and positively Open conversations without hesitating Take a clear stand on issues Stand up for your beliefs Exhibit consistent behaviour Disagree agreeably without hurting others Act with reason

Say ‘no’ when you want to say ‘no’ Think before talking Assume responsibility for your feelings Empathize with others Display firmness without being harsh Be fair in your dealings Face issues squarely without procrastination Be a patient and effective listener