“BUT MEN ARE ABUSED TOO”: THE MYTHS AND FACTS OF MALE ABUSE Rus Ervin Funk, MSW www.rusfunk.com

Myths of Gender Symmetry “Women are as abusive as men.” “Domestic violence goes both ways.” “Where’s the battered men’s shelter?” “The laws are biased against men…” © 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

What is meant by gender symmetry? That women hit as often as men? That equal numbers of women and men hit each other? That women’s motivation for using violence is the same as men’s? That the consequences of women’s use of violence are the same as the consequences of men’s use of violence? That women use the same kinds of violence as men? That women hit as hard as men? © 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

Domestic Violence Overview © 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

© 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved What CTS Misses There is a difference between initiating acts and defensive acts. Sexual abuse is a-symmetrical Post-relationship violence is a-symmetrical. Violence in general -- from war, to street crimes, to stranger assaults, to hate crimes, is almost universally a male behavior. © 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

© 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved Impact and Effects Women are 6 times more likely than men to require medical care as a result of domestic violence. Female victims make up 70% of all intimate murder victims. 33% of women killed are killed by a partner or ex, compared with only 4% of men. © 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

Impacts and Effects (II) Since 1976 (when domestic violence programs began to be increasingly available)… men murdered by people who loved them dropped by 69% women murdered by people who loved them remained stable until 1993, and has dropped by only 15% © 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

Impacts and Effects (III) How boys and men respond to women’s and girls violence How girls and women respond to men and boy’s violence How men adjust their lives to the threat of women’s violence How women adjust their lives to the threat of men’s violence Who are men afraid of??? © 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

© 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved Self-reporting Men over-report their victimization under-report their use of violence Women under-report their victimization over-report their use of violence. © 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

Implications for Family Therapy “Just say no” to “relationship violence.” Recognize domestic violence as more than an inter (and/or intra) personal issue Interrupt men’s use of violence Undermine sexism © 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

© 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved Men’s Victimization 1 in 5 gay men experience dating violence. Men experience: disbelief shame denial minimization self-blame depression anger sadness © 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

Additional Challenges Police are assumed to be non-supportive to hostile Extra barriers to legal protections. Social service agencies are often homophobic. Gay or bisexual men face continuing abuse if they don’t come forward, and potentially being bashed if they do © 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

Additional Challenges Con’t. Lack of awareness to identify primary aggressor. The myth that there is no power imbalance in same-sex relationships. DV programs are ill-prepared to respond to gay men. Gay service providers are ill-equipped to respond to DV. Gay communities make it hard for men to come out © 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

© 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved It’s Still Sexist Domestic violence and sexual assault are based on power and control. Verbalizations during the assault Domestic & sexual violence occur in a social context in which women are systematically under-valued while men are systematically over-valued…and these systematic values are institutionalized © 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

An Assault on Masculinity DV & Sexual Assault are assaults against women. Questioning their masculinity. Questioning their sexuality © 2008 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

Rus Ervin Funk www.rusfunk.com rus@rusfunk.com (502)494-9044 Thank-YOU!!! Rus Ervin Funk www.rusfunk.com rus@rusfunk.com (502)494-9044