Coming Out as a Transgender Woman at a Major HPC Center Carissa Holohan Principal High Performance Computing Network Administration Specialist Argonne Leadership Computing Facility

About Me… The short, short version: trans geek girl who makes supercomputers talk to each-other! Have been active in the LGBTQIA+ community since high school Started at the ALCF in April, 2010 Helped create Spectrum, the LGBTQIA+ Employee Resource Group at Argonne, in December, 2015 Aids coalition volunteer. Generally just identified as part of the community because of sexuality.

About Coming Out… Knew something was “wrong” with myself since childhood Kept making excuses for “putting up with” how I was born Finally started to do something about my gender identity issues in March, 2017 Kept telling myself I would just quietly go to the doctor and come up with a plan to come out at work “eventually” Keeping it quiet lasted not quite 3 months I have a great relationship with my coworkers, and we’re very social Just starting out, I thought I was being subtle… Coworkers kept noticing things… “You seem so much happier lately!” “Wow, you got your ears pierced!” ”Oh cool, you got your nails done!” “You look different. Good different!” (My favorite quote from this entire experience!) Doctor said ”plan for sooner than later”, talk about Katrina’s reaction

About Coming Out… The Big Reveal We had an important meeting coming up with a new leadership team at DOE Headquarters, and I really didn’t want to have to introduce myself as the “old” me and then do it all over again a few months later By now, I had already told most of my immediate coworkers that I was trans and would be coming out eventually, because most everybody I worked with on a daily basis had noticed something At the end of our regular team meeting, I gave a simple announcement of “Hi, I’m transgender, my name is Carissa now, please use female pronouns” There was a lot of cheering I should have brought tissues… oops I followed up with a letter that I sent to the entire division by email The hardest part of all of this was making sure I wrote a “Thank You” note to everyone who sent me amazing messages of support and encouragement I had to make a separate email filter to track replies because I was so afraid I would leave someone out … and yes, I stopped by the office supply closet for tissues Some folks plan a big reveal, some just change one day and don’t even tell anyone, some fall somewhere in the middle. I went big because…

The Point… Even before openly coming out about my gender incongruency, the positive effects of acknowledging and addressing it were clearly visible to my peers during day-to-day office interactions These positive changes were of even greater benefit after coming out openly Being in the closet wastes valuable energy that could be going to better use When LGBTQIA+ colleagues are able to be themselves at work, without fear of prejudice, they have more capacity to create and more energy to focus on their job Please join us for Spectral Analysis: Building an LGBTQIA+ Community in Scientific Computing, a Birds-of-a-Feather session on Thursday, November 15, at 12:15 in room C145

Questions?

Thank You. carissa@anl. gov Spectral Analysis LGBTQIA+ BoF: Thank You! carissa@anl.gov Spectral Analysis LGBTQIA+ BoF: Thurs, 12:15, C145!