Get your workbooks and Turn to page 1-1

In-effective Listening: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TeOGJP5vGA (2:51)

Listen first and acknowledge what you hear, even if you don’t agree with it, before expressing your experience or point of view. The kind of listening recommended here separates acknowledging from approving or agreeing. Acknowledging an-other person’s thoughts and feelings does not have to mean that you approve of or agree with that person’s actions or way of experiencing, or that you will do whatever someone asks.

Active Listening- Acknowledging https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VOubVB4CTU (2:58)

Acknowledging that you have heard what the other person has said, without debating it or contradicting it helps build effective communication. When people are upset about something, and want to talk about it, their capacity to listen is greatly diminished. If you let them know that that you understand what they are saying and feeling helps them to calm down, and be more available for communication.

A patient in the hospital asks if she can get out of bed, despite the fact that her doctor said she can’t get up. Consider each of the following responses from the patients nurse. Which response do you think the patient will be more inclined to listen to? Nurse A: Nurse B: “I’m really sorry, Susan, but you have to stay in bed. Your doctor says your bones won’t heal unless you stay put for another week.” “I hear that you are very uncomfortable right now, Susan, and you would really like to get out of that bed and move around. But your doctor says your bones won’t heal unless you stay put for another week.”

Turn to page 1-2 in your workbook. Answer the following question on your own paper: What three things are you able to do when you acknowledge another persons thoughts or feelings?

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You can still agree or disagree with that persons point of view, actions or way of experiencing. Still leave you with the option of saying yes or no to a request. Still leaves you with the option of saying more about the matter being discussed.

People want both: to be understood and acknowledged on the one hand, and to be approved and agreed with, on the other. Since we won’t always agree with people, acknowledging them and letting them know we understand them, may at minimum satisfy at least half of there needs.

Examples of acknowledgment that do not imply agreement: Counselor to a drug abuse client: “I hear that you are feeling terrible right now and that you really want some drugs. And I want you to know that I’m still concerned this stuff you’re taking is going to kill you.”

Mother to seven-year-old: “I know that you want some more cake and ice cream, Jimmy, because it tastes so good, but you’ve already had three pieces and I’m really worried that you’ll get an upset tummy. That’s why I don’t want you to have any more.”

Imagine that your friend Amanda has decided to cheat on her boyfriend Alex with one of your classmates named James. Imagine she told you the following information: Friend: “Yeah, I am just kind of tired of Alex. When we first got together, he would call me all the time, and we would go out and do stuff. Now we almost seem too comfortable, and we don’t do anything exciting anymore. When James told me I looked nice the other day, I felt alive for the first time in a long time. Alex is just so boring these days” Imagine (If you don’t already think this way) that you don’t agree with Amanda’s choice to start flirting with James. Using what you have learned about acknowledging what people are saying, without agreeing with them, write down how you would respond to Amanda on your own paper.

End 4 minute sand timer 4 minutes This ‘sand timer’ will start on a mouse click anywhere on the slide. The ‘sand’ will drain from the top section to the lower section and when completed will show the word ‘End’. To change the timings of this timer, you need to enter the animation settings, and change the timings for the Isosceles Triangles. There will be 2 that need changing (to the same amount) – one animates the top triangle emptying, whilst the other animates the bottom triangle filling. When you change the timings these have to entered as a number of seconds. End

As you listen to the important people in your life, give very brief summaries of the experiences they are talking about and name the want or feeling that appears to be at the heart of the experience.

“So you were really happy about that...” “So you drove all the way over there and they didn’t have the part they promised you on the phone. What a let down. “Sounds like you wanted a big change in that situation” “Oh, no! Your dog got run over. You must be feeling really terrible...”

The point here is to empathize, not to advise The point here is to empathize, not to advise. If you added to that last statement, “That total SLOB!!! You should sue that person who ran over your dog. People need to pay for their mistakes, etc., etc., etc.”, you would be taking over the conversation and also leading the person away from her or his feelings and toward your own. As a general rule, it is not particularly helpful to repeat another persons word verbatim (word-for-word). It is helpful to summarize their experience in your own words.

On your own paper, write how you might respond to the following people, using the skills you have learned about acknowledgement: Imagine that your friend Alex tells you that he thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him. Imagine that your friend Lilly tells you that she just got a job. Imagine that your friend Kelly just told you that she failed her math test. Imagine that your friend Adrienne tells you that she is going to have a baby. Imagine that your friend Adam tells you he just got his drivers license.

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Read the story on page 1-4. Be prepared to answer questions afterwards.

End 5 minute sand timer 5 minutes This ‘sand timer’ will start on a mouse click anywhere on the slide. The ‘sand’ will drain from the top section to the lower section and when completed will show the word ‘End’. To change the timings of this timer, you need to enter the animation settings, and change the timings for the Isosceles Triangles. There will be 2 that need changing (to the same amount) – one animates the top triangle emptying, whilst the other animates the bottom triangle filling. When you change the timings these have to entered as a number of seconds. End

Would you have been able to react to the girl in the same manner? Has anyone helped you the way Moriah’s father did? If so- how did it feel? If not- how do you imagine it would feel?

Read the story on page 1-5. Be prepared to answer questions afterwards.

End 5 minute sand timer 5 minutes This ‘sand timer’ will start on a mouse click anywhere on the slide. The ‘sand’ will drain from the top section to the lower section and when completed will show the word ‘End’. To change the timings of this timer, you need to enter the animation settings, and change the timings for the Isosceles Triangles. There will be 2 that need changing (to the same amount) – one animates the top triangle emptying, whilst the other animates the bottom triangle filling. When you change the timings these have to entered as a number of seconds. End

Why does the author say he betrayed his partner? The author said two elements were missing when he listened to his partner. What were these two elements?

Complete the exercise on page 1-6 in your book.