Conflict Resolution/Management

How do you view conflict… An opportunity? An burden? Conflict can result in… Better work results A chance to learn and grow Improve relationships Job satisfaction

Think about a conflict that was handled in a destructive way… What were the outcomes? Think about a conflict that was handled in a constructive way… What were the outcomes?

Levels of Conflict How do we know there's a conflict happening? There may be some very obvious signs which we can easily recognize, or there may only be a few subtle clues. It is this range that we're going to explore now.   If emotions are running very high, if the conflict seems extremely complex, chances are it has reached crisis stage. Point to “crisis” and ask… What's "crisis" like? (screaming, throwing china, not talking, divorce, leaving a job). These clues are obvious - there is unresolved conflict. Often, if we're on the look out we can see conflict brewing well before it reaches crisis. If we stay alert for conflict in its early stages, it is a lot easier to manage. DISCOMFORT: For instance, think of that niggling or "gut" feeling that things just aren't right? We could call that discomfort. INCIDENT: Has something minor happened which has left you upset or irritated? Has there been an incident which suggests that something is wrong? MISUNDERSTANDING: Are the details of a situation unclear? Has there been a misunderstanding about motives or intent? TENSION: Are you feeling anxious about your relationship with the other person? Are you at the point of one more nudge and then you'll explode/resign/ give him/her a piece of your mind? Does each subsequent experience with the person confirm your negative attitude towards him/her? Are you feeling a high level of tension in your relationship? Look for clues to conflict at discomfort or incident level. Dealing with conflict at these levels rather than at crisis, when emotions run high, gives a greater chance of a constructive rather than a destructive outcome. Important Points to Cover:  Look for the early clues to conflict. Stay alert, ready to act, if and when appropriate. Greet conflict in a positive way, ready to learn something new or improve the relationship. Identify the level of conflict as this may help us choose an appropriate strategy.

How do you get ready… Adjust your frame of mind Consider the viewpoints See what’s happening around the organization Develop your message based on different scenarios Choose the right time and place Express your feelings ahead of time

Successful Facilitation Purpose – “What is my purpose?” Result – “What is the desired result?” and “How will the results be measured?” Level of intervention – “How can I create lasting change in the most effective and efficient manner possible?” MF are distinguished by an ability to achieve dramatic results with what appears to be minimum effort. Ability is based on three fundamental concepts: PURPOSE, RESULTS, LEVEL OF INTERVENTION SUCCESS = MF skills of self-awareness, empathy, acceptance and communication capabilities, especially questioning and interviewing. Clarify the Desired Results - Understand others “mental model of the world: and how he/she want the world to be different. “What would you like to be different or how things should be?” Ask open-ended questions, listen actively, use good body language, etc. Eyes and ears vs. mouth Shifting Levels Shift Upward to be broader, want to explore the rationale for the request or generate other possible options. “What will doing this team-building session get you that you don’t already have?” Shift downward to get into the details of Who? What? When? Where? How? “What would you like to see happen at this meeting?” Behavior Change – Change to What? If behavior change is the desired result, what does the new behavior look like? Performance Management Systems – think of as change interventions to reinforce things that are going well and to identify things that need to be improved.

Perfection and Discovery Approaches When how we perceive ourselves and others... … is judged against PERFECTION, … is open to DISCOVERY, we are driven by we are motivated by inquiry/creativity acceptance learning willingness to risk excitement FASCINATION right/wrong judgements failures unwillingness to risk anxiety FRUSTRATION

Facilitation Skills Needed Be objective - validate both sides, even if privately you prefer one point of view, or even when only one party is present. Be supportive- use caring language. Provide a non-threatening learning environment, where people will feel safe to open up. Assume good intentions Assist group members to think in terms of interests, not positions; understand the real problem Challenge their assumptions Assist group members to create a scenario that is different from the current state; identify new solutions Ensure their commitment to implementation Provide process leadership and process expertise Identify and remove barriers to success

Facilitation Skills Needed Encourage others to take ownership of and to change their behavior Demonstrate Empathy Win-win approach Active listening Assist group members to think in terms of interests, not positions; find common ground Challenge their assumptions Assist group members to think in terms of interests, not positions; understand the real problem Challenge their assumptions Assist group members to create a scenario that is different from the current state; identify new solutions Ensure their commitment to implementation Provide process leadership and process expertise Identify and remove barriers to success

Demonstrate Empathy taking seriously others' needs and concerns Listen with your head and your heart. taking seriously others' needs and concerns valuing feelings and attitudes respecting others' privacy, experience and values listening actively encouraging further elaboration and clarification

Demonstrate Empathy using open body language and a warm vocal tone Listen with your head and your heart. using open body language and a warm vocal tone reserving judgement and blame displaying interest in what others communicate withholding unsought advice supporting others' attempts to find a solution making affirming statements and gestures.

Fight, Flight or Flow (win-win)

The Win/Win Approach Concentrate on approach not outcome What are the NEEDS? Concentrate on approach not outcome Focus on the issue Take a broader perspective Make it easy to say yes Be persistent Support what is legitimate and fair

Manipulative Insincerity Radical Candor Radical candor Ruinous Empathy Care Personally Challenge Directly Manipulative Insincerity Obnoxious Aggression

Case Study #1 A supervisor tells you he is having trouble with a co-worker who he describes as inefficient, lacks clear communication skills and does not separate her personal life from her professional life. He has tried to discuss these issues with her several times over the past two months however; she continues these same behaviors. Approximately 2 weeks earlier, the co-worker complained to you that this supervisor does not trust her, does not treat her the same as other staff in the section, questions her character, asks her questions then rejects her answers, and does not communicate directly with her.

Step 1 Identify the underlying cause of the conflict Step 2 What are the key factors in the conflict Step 3 How is the supervisor behaving Step 4 How is person employee behaving

Step 5 What are the supervisor’s reasons for engaging in this conflict Step 6 What are the employee’s reasons for engaging in this conflict Step 7 What is your approach?

Step 8 What interaction approach will the other person take (SKIP) Step 9 What issues and influence factors need to change Step 10 What are your next steps? ** Meet with each participant separately: Discuss their issues and desired outcomes

Focus on needs, not positions Emphasise common ground Be hard on the problem Be soft on the person Focus on needs, not positions Emphasise common ground Be inventive about options Make clear agreements

Karen Priegel-Altekruse, PhD Karen@lifebalanced3.com 920-857-8472