“Do Now” – Read “The Secret Sharer” exemplar “Do Now” – Read “The Secret Sharer” exemplar. Keep in mind that the revision of this analysis would have gotten a 9+. Take out your Secret Sharer analysis and highlight for StEvE. (Hold onto your SYNTAX sign)

Mcteague Feedback Rewrite is due Friday, September 24th

Finishing tone passages

Now it is your turn… 5 WORDS: apathetic sympathetic exasperated meditative optimistic Make sure you know the definitions of the above five words. Identify the part of speech Write an original sample of three to four sentences which reflects the particular tone third person point of view no direct quotations underline words (diction) that reflect the particular tone For example, apathetic, adjective having or showing little or no feeling or emotion; impassive; showing little interest The young girl yawned slowly and deliberately and did not care about the topic before her. English class was of no importance.. On a scale of one to ten, it was a zero. The student seemed to be on another planet. Instead of listening to his teacher, he day- dreamed about going fishing with his dad. He thought about the good old days in kindergarten when recess lasted all day long. Richard’s life was sports, especially soccer, when he got hurt again. His injury would not have been so bad, except this was his fifth injury in two years. It seemed like every time he was healthy, he would go and get hurt. He finally decided to quit on the spot.

Sentence Variety Describing Sentence Structure – Telegraphic – shorter than 5 words in length Short – approximately 5 words in length Medium – approximately 18 words in length Long and involved – 30+ words in length

Take out your advanced syntactical terms and tape your sign to the eno board. Each student needs to: Define their term for the class. Explain their example. 5m

How do syntactical techniques support meaning? “Next morning when the first light came into the sky and the sparrows stirred in the trees, when the cows rattled their chains and the rooster crowed and the early automobiles went whispering along the road, Wilbur awoke and looked for Charlotte.” E.B. White (page 4? in your course pack) Movement takes the readers from the sun (the farthest removed from humanity), down through the birds, cows, and roosters, cars (driven by humans), and then finally wilbur and charlotte (although not human, act like they are) Two adverb phrases (says WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN), second longer than the first move to the main clause, the focal point, the action. This makes it PERIODIC. Scene is set.

Emphasis is forgotten by the time the reader reaches the end of the sentence. Wilbur awoke and looked for Charlotte when the first light came into the sky and the sparrows stirred in the trees, when the cows rattled their chains and the rooster crowed and the early automobiles went whispering along the road.

“I See You Never” by Ray Bradbury She remembered a visit she had once made to some Mexican border towns—the hot days, the endless crickets leaping and falling or lying dead and brittle like the small cigars in the shop windows’ and the canals taking river water out to the farms, the dirt roads, the scorched fields, the little adobe houses, the bleached clothes, the eroded landscape. She remembered the silent towns, the warm beer, the hot, thick foods each day. She remembered the slow, dragging horses and the parched jack rabbits on the road. She remembered the iron mountains and the dusty valleys and the ocean beaches that spread hundreds of miles with no sound but the waves—no cars, no buildings, no nothing.

On your own… Read the excerpt from Charles Dicken’s Bleak House. Note how the syntax contributes to meaning in the excerpt.

A LOOK AT CREATING PACING WITH SYNTAX The following passage contains wording that connotes speed, but the syntax does not enhance the effect of the diction. Around the bend sped the yellow racecar. Sparks darted from the wheels. The car tilted slightly at the bend. Roaring was everywhere. The driver felt the whoosh of wind flatten the skin on his face. She navigated yet another hairpin turn and keep on zooming around the track. Her wheels appeared to hover about the ground. The crowd soon became dizzy with motion. Individually: Think of some syntactical tools you could use – for example, punctuation, repetition, or clauses and phrases linked together in different patterns and orders. Then experiment with syntax to create a fast pace so the reader feels the rush of the wind and the racing vehicle. Change any diction that you feel would add to the pacing. In Groups: Share your ideas with a small group. You may have to choose one sample to read aloud to the whole class, so work together to revise it as needed. Be prepared to discuss how the syntax contributes to the kinetic sense or imagery of speed.

Homework Poetry response #1