One Page Expansion Feedback I graded quantity, not quality of ideas. In other words, an A on your expansion does not mean I have no concerns in your writing so far. It means you are doing the work of grappling with ideas and expanding writing. In this sense, these were successful. Now we need to refine ideas and narrow points of focus. I've tried to note a few specifics on turnitin, but here is some general feedback that you should all assess your own work on: If you have not color-coded your claim, that is the first thing you should do. This will help you see whether you have all the components of the Big Five. I did not ask you to do this initially, but I would like you to do it now. Remember that I am your primary audience (as well as a general academic community). I have read and understood our class texts, and I know some things generally. Please don’t explain quotes, but analyze them for the purpose of reinforcing your ideas. Likewise do not spend too much time explaining basic ideas. The first thing you should do to your paper today is figure out which ideas are worth keeping and which need to be expurgated (fancy Lynch word for shortening or cutting down).

One Page Expansion Feedback If you have not tried an outline to your paper, it seems like most students would benefit from this. It will help you clarify which ideas you can roadmap and will ensure you don't include too much writing "around" your ideas. It is okay to "write into" your ideas (to discover what you want to say by writing), but you will need to revise the writing that got you there. To the above point, your claims are not static. They should change with your paper. You may discover you have much more to say about one part of your claim than you thought, and maybe parts of it are never truly developed. Maybe you need to signal to the evidence you actually use a little better. And so on… Introduction of evidence should be specific to the ideas you will discuss. Do not merely name-drop in your claim. e.g. "Tan and Anzaldua discuss language and identity in their essays..." This doesn't say enough. BETTER: "Amy Tan asserts that even the terms for language can influence the perception of the speaker." or “Gloria Anzaldua equates language with identity, and explains that devaluing a person's language devalues the person by extension."

General Formatting Reminders Short texts, like articles, get quote marks around them. Long texts, like novels or magazine titles, get underlined OR italicized (not both) Please review the quote document Citations go at the end (not in the middle) of sentences Quotations must fit within a grammatically correct sentence

Here is an explanation of this activity so you can anticipate work you will do with your writing later this week. You should be aware of this upcoming assignment, but you do not need to worry about starting it now! Side-Shadowing For each of your paragraphs, you will answer these questions: 1. What is the purpose of this paragraph? 2. What does it add to (or build on) your overall argument? 3. How does this paragraph connect to what comes before it and after it?