Relationships Lesson 1

Types of Relationships Relationships can be based on many things such as: Physical Attraction Friendship Infatuation Companionship Loneliness Possessiveness

Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Relationship

Types of Relationships Healthy Happy Relaxed Respected Trusting Appreciated Independent Interdependent Unhealthy Unhappy Nervous Scared Disrespected Violated Criticized Abused Dependent

What Type of Relationships Do You Have?

Key Elements of a Healthy Mature Relationship Respect Consensual Enjoyable Intimacy Trust Support Easygoing Fair Fighting

Respect Both people care for themselves and each other Respect each other’s decisions and listen to explanations Aware of each other’s boundaries, vulnerabilities and need for personal space Don’t try to change one another

Consensual Enjoyable Intimacy Sexual experience should be equitable, mutually agreed upon and enjoyed Freedom to express needs and boundaries and have them respected Problems and issues related to sexuality are openly communicated without fear

Trust Foundation of a healthy relationship Certain degree of jealousy is common in healthy relationship but should be proportionate to the experience No lying, manipulation or secrets Always room for other friends with little fear that other friendships will minimize dating relationship Level of trust and degree of openness takes time to develop and will grow wit relationship

Support Given in both good and tough times When conflict appears, don’t make attempts to lower partner’s self-esteem Give and take situations, not one-way streets Committed to bringing out best in each other Couples realize there are shared responsibilities in career, leisure, child rearing, lifestyle choices and domestic duties

Easygoing Overall tone of relationship is relaxed Couples can laugh at themselves Couples feel comfortable communicating thoughts, feelings, likes, dislikes and ideas No physical aggression or threats of physical aggression

Fair Fighting Arguments, disagreements and issues ARE part of every relationship However, some ground rules should be discussed so that couples can resolve the conflict and increase the likelihood that the relationship will survive……LET’S BRAINSTORM!

Rules for Fair Fighting Avoid physical aggression. Stay focused on the issue, don’t bring up other issues that have accumulated. No name-calling! Avoid putting the blame on the other person. Use “I” statements to help express how you feel and perception of the situation.

I.D.E.A.L Decision Making Skills I – Identify the problem D – Describe/Discuss ways to solve the problem E – Evaluate each solution List positive/negative consequence for each choice A – Act on a plan to use the better solution L – Learn about your plan Describe how the plan will work out Would you do anything different next time?

Violence-What is it? Exerting harsh language and/or physical force that causes damage, injury, pain or fear

Abuse-What is it? Mistreating a person causing physical, emotional and/or psychological pain.

Types of Violence Relationship Harassment Environmental Random Act Personal Sub-Categories Sexual Verbal Physical Emotional

Causes of Relationship Violence Controlling Personality Sex Role Stereotyping Subservience/ Passive Response Alcohol and Drug Use Parental Abuse/Neglect Lack of Awareness

Controlling Personality Person’s belief they have a right to control another Person’s need to have/maintain control over another

Sex Role Stereotyping Belief that men and women have distinct roles ( men are decision makers, females cared for) Messages given to males about what is meant to be male contribute to creating mindset of accepting sexually aggressive behaviour

Subservience/ Passive Response Belief in “traditional” views of men occupying dominant position Passive response can affect whether help is sought for relationship violence

Alcohol and Drug Use Both are associated with acquaintance rape 51% of dating violence reported by women, perpetrator under influence of alcohol

Parental Abuse/ Neglect This in early life may perpetuate violent behaviour Does NOT cause violence but may be associated with violent behaviour

Lack of Awareness Inappropriate social action can be linked with relationship violence

Indicators of Violence Abuse Controlling behaviour Inability to control aggressive behaviour Name calling, put-downs, belittling, humiliating Over-dependency Partner is a traditionalist Playing mind games Controlling a persons finances Intimidating Dishonesty Bruises/injuries Submissiveness Changes in communication

Intervention Strategies Act quickly, consistently, confident Have a plan Be assertive and use conflict resolution skills Empower witnesses to act appropriately Talk to support victims, witnesses Get counseling, use mediation, contact hotlines Call police

Resources Relationship Violence Support Information Education wife assault: www.womenabuseprevention.com Community Resources Related to Violent Issues Telehealth Ontario: 1-866-797-0000 Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868 Children’s Aid Society of Toronto: www.casmt.on.ca National Crime Prevention Council: www.crime-prevention.org/ncpc