Alateen Training Module IV Dealing with Challenges in Alateen After the introductory slides OR completion of Part A, start here for Part B. Key points for facilitator: Note what will be covered in this section. Part B: Conflict Alateens in difficult situations (“Tough Stuff”) Interactions with parents Public Outreach—building attendance Broken Anonymity Finances

Dealing with Conflict Conflict can occur in any group, and dealing with it can make the group and the individuals involved stronger. There may be conflict between the Alateen members and an Alateen Group Sponsor, or between two Group Sponsors or two Alateens. Describe conflicts you may have experienced. Key points for facilitators: Just as challenges are part of life, so is conflict. Discussion: What types of conflict have you experienced in Alateen service? In groups? at events? With Alateens? With other Al-Anon members? References: 2014-2017 Al-Anon & Alateen Groups at Work (P-24), “Group Business Meetings and Group Conscience,” pages 51-53, and “Group Problems and Solutions,” pages 54-55. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for Alateen (P-18) Using Al-Anon Principles to Resolve Conflicts Kit (K-70)

Conflict between Alateens and an Alateen Group Sponsor An open discussion in the group may be helpful. All parties practice the Twelfth Tradition by placing principles above personalities. The Alateen Group Sponsor the Alateens are having difficulty with may be asked to leave the room as long as there is another AMIAS present. The group might ask the District Representative (DR), Alateen Coordinator, or another trusted servant to participate in the discussion. An impartial party may provide a new perspective. The DR or Alateen Coordinator may also help the group take a group inventory. In order to resolve the conflict, the Alateen Group Sponsor may step down for a time. Remember, the meeting is for the Alateens! Key points for facilitators: Keep the focus on Al-Anon principles! Know when to step down as an Alateen Group Sponsor. References: *Alateen Safety Guidelines (G-34): “Know when to step down,” page 2. “Even if you are totally blameless, stepping aside will not only protect both the Alateen members and you, it will preserve the unity of the fellowship as well.”

Conflict between Alateen Group Sponsors Some conflicts are personal in nature: Personality conflicts Differences in style of Sponsoring Dominating the group and other Alateen Group Sponsors Use your resources: Talk to your DR, Alateen Coordinator, other trusted servants Key points for facilitators: It is a fact of life that people have different personalities and styles. We may not like or get along well with everyone, but we love each other “in a very special way.” It can be difficult to deal with conflicts with other Alateen Group Sponsors, but again, we don’t have to do it alone. Discussion: review resources available; talk to your DR, Area Alateen Coordinator, other trusted servants. References: 2014-2017 Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual (P-24/27), “Group Problems and Solutions,” pages 54-55. See also “Concept Five,” pages 190-193. Loving Interchange to Resolve Conflict (S-71) Conflict Resolution Using Our Twelve Traditions (S-72)

Alateen Group Sponsors in conflict with the Area Some conflicts are with the Area Alateen Process: Use of the Alateen name requires compliance with the Area Alateen Safety and Behavioral Requirements. This is not optional. The Area Requirements define the qualifications for Alateen Group Sponsor. Any questions or problems regarding certification are generally referred to an Area committee. The Area Alateen Coordinator, Alateen Process Person, and Delegate are the contacts for Area Process questions. Key points for facilitators: Know your resources; talk to your DR, Area Alateen Coordinator, other trusted servants. Communication of concerns and clarification of policies and requirements in a loving way is critical. References: 2003 Alateen Motion: “Al-Anon members involved in Alateen service and all Alateen members must adhere to the Area’s safety and behavioral requirements, or the Area will notify the WSO that those members are prohibited from participating in Alateen service.”

Alateens and Difficult Situations Topics teens bring up could be: Living with physical violence Running away Peer pressure Abuse Sex & sexuality Suicide You might notice these behaviors: Fidgeting or moving around Crying Seeming angry or confused Doodling Key points for facilitators: Topics that are difficult to hear may surface in Alateen meetings. Teens may sit on the floor, cry, seem angry or confused, or doodle. Unless they are putting themselves or someone else in danger, don’t worry about these activities. As Sponsors, we listen, listen, listen. As Sponsors, we bring the focus back to the message of Traditions Eleven and Twelve while imparting the wisdom of our own experience, strength, and hope. Discussion: describe any experiences you have had with teens bringing up these types of topics. How did you handle it? References: A Guide for Sponsors of Alateen Groups (P-29): “Effective Alateen Group Sponsorship Depends Upon:…keeping an open mind when Alateens share” and “knowing the community resources available for other problems when a member asks for extra help, while being cautious not to give advice or specific directions.” (pp. 5-6) Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for Alateen (P-18)

Difficult Situations When you encounter tough stuff What can Alateen Group Sponsors do? Let the child talk about it. Encourage members to find their own solutions. Suggest a meeting topic to engage the group in general discussion on living with violence or anger. Know your local laws, especially regarding mandatory reporting. Keep a list of community resources to provide to Alateens if needed. Talk to other Alateen Group Sponsors and your Service Sponsor. Share your concerns without violating the Alateen’s anonymity. Key points for facilitators: Suggest a meeting topic on “coping with violence” or “coping with anger.” This will allow the group to deal with the topic without focusing on one individual’s situation. Know the community resources available for these circumstances—keep a list of these resources. Encourage the Alateens to have a “safe” person to turn to: a relative, counselor, teacher or neighbor. Help them to come up with options for themselves. When topics such as thoughts of suicide surface, the group can let the member know they are not alone. Discussion: What to do when a child shares about abuse at home? Discussion: What have you done when hearing about “tough stuff”? What is the Alateen Group Sponsor’s role? References: Alateen Safety Guidelines (G-34): “Alateen Group Sponsors share experience in living with the disease of alcoholism, strength gained from working the Twelve Steps, knowledge of the Twelve Traditions, and hope for the future. An Alateen Group Sponsor is not a counselor, nor the peer of an Alateen member. When an Alateen Group Sponsor gives advice or attempts to solve the problems of the Alateen member, it could lead to unhealthy dependencies.” A Guide for Sponsors of Alateen Groups (P-29): “…knowing the community resources available for other problems when a member asks for extra help, while being cautious not to give advice or specific directions…”

Difficult Situations Detaching from things you hear in Alateen Alateens may share family matters that are disturbing. Remember they are only sharing one side of the story. It is important that the Alateen Group Sponsor not place themselves between the child and the parent. The Alateen Group Sponsors’ or AMIAS’ role is not to “fix” each Alateen’s problems. Alateen group meetings and events are a safe haven for the Alateens. Alateen Group Sponsors and AMIAS need to keep their focus on their own recovery, and not let others’ problems become overwhelming. Key points for facilitators: Alateen Group Sponsors must keep the focus on themselves and their own recovery. Remember you are only hearing one side of the story. We must refrain from judging anyone—parent or child. Take a deep breath and just listen with love. We do not need to take sides. Talk to other Alateen Group Sponsors, your personal Sponsor, and trusted servants—don’t try to handle difficult situations alone. References: Detachment (S-19) A Guide for Sponsors of Alateen Groups (P-29): “Effective Alateen Group Sponsorship Depends Upon: …a willingness to listen, being careful not to offer suggestions about their personal lives. Alateens, in sharing with each other, often find their own answers.” (pp. 5-6)

Difficult Situations Avoiding Sponsor burnout Alateen Group Sponsors need to take steps to avoid burnout, as Alateen sponsorship can be stressful and emotionally draining. Attend additional Al-Anon meetings. Attend or chair a meeting on “laughter”! Attend Alateen Sponsor meetings/weekends in your district/Area. Use your personal and service Sponsors. Put your emotional and spiritual needs first. Take a break from sponsoring. Key points for facilitators: Talk to other Alateen Group Sponsors, your personal Sponsor, and trusted servants—don’t try to handle difficult situations alone. Some Sponsors have found it beneficial to take a break from sponsoring every two or three years. Others change Alateen groups or start new Alateen groups. Discussion: what steps have you taken to avoid Alateen group sponsor burnout? References: Detachment (S-19) A Guide for Sponsors of Alateen Groups (P-29): “Effective Alateen Group Sponsorship Depends Upon:…continued membership and personal recovery in the Al-Anon fellowship.” (pp. 5-6)

Interactions with parents When parents ask questions Be prepared to answer questions such as: How do I get my child to attend? Can I stay at the meeting with my child? How is the meeting run? Will they talk about me? Will you counsel them personally? Does my child participate? Was my child at the meeting last night? Stress how Al-Anon can help the parent; give them literature What parents need to know When to use permission forms Let them know the safety procedures for the meeting or event Key points for facilitators: Discuss how to handle the sample questions. Important note r.e. the last sample question: The Alateen Group Sponsor should let the group know that, if approached by a parent about attendance, he/she will direct the parent back to each member. However, if asked outright about attendance, a Sponsor does not have to lie. Covering for the Alateens is not part of the confidentiality to which each member is entitled. Activity: role play a parent probing an Alateen Group Sponsor References: How Can I Help My Children (P-9): “We can discover, by accepting the help Al-Anon offers, how to make the family’s life happier.” (page 3) Alateens Share with Adults in their Lives (P-67) – formerly titled “Dear Mom & Dad” Alateen Service e-Manual (Members’ site), “Challenges”/”Interactions with Parents” section

Interacting with Parents When parents ask questions Alateen recovery is about learning to keep the focus on oneself, just as Al-Anon members do. The Alateen Group Sponsor and the other Alateens are bound by our Tradition of anonymity. In the same way, we respect parents’ confidentiality and do not share what they say with the Alateen member. Never come between a child and their parent, or undermine the parent’s authority. The Alateen Group Sponsor only has responsibility for the child while the child is in the Alateen meeting or event. The parent’s decisions must be adhered to—whether you agree with them or not. Key points for facilitators: Stress with teens the importance of NOT talking about the meeting at home. Talk with the Alateens about how to handle questions from parents. Discussion: Discuss types of decisions AMIAS or Alateen Group Sponsors may not agree with (examples: parent refusing permission to attend an Alateen event, or prohibiting snacks) REFERENCES: How Can I Help My Children (P-9): “Encouraging Alateen,” pages 10-11. A Guide for Sponsors of Alateen Groups (P-29): “Alateen Group Sponsors Can: stress the importance of anonymity, not only for the parents, but for all members of Al-Anon, Alateen, and A.A. This can be done without instilling a feeling of shame or secrecy.”

Anonymity It is important to discuss the meaning of anonymity and confidentiality with the Alateen group (Traditions Eleven and Twelve). Alateens and Alateen Group Sponsors need to understand the importance of “Whom you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here.” Alateen Group Sponsors protect Alateen confidences when talking with others. Review section of this presentation on “Safety/Legal Issues” on reporting.* Key points for facilitators: Introduce “Whom you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here.” References: Table Anonymity Card (S-9) 2014-2017 Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual (P-24/27): “Anonymity,” pp. 91-94. Alateen—Hope for Children of Alcoholics (B-3): “In Alateen we are all equals. This Tradition teaches us humility. It’s what is said, not who says it, that counts.” (page 45) “Keep in confidence everything that is said at meetings. If members are assured that what they tell will not be revealed outside the group, they will feel encouraged to speak freely.” (page 100) *Alateen Safety Guidelines (G-34): “Where reporting is required, there is no choice but to comply with the law…Alateen Group Sponsors and AMIAS who are required by law to report cases of suspected child abuse should let the Alateens know, up front before sharing begins, that they will disclose such incidents that are discussed at the meeting or event…any reporting is done on a personal basis rather than as an Alateen Group Sponsor…” (page 4)

Anonymity Challenges of technology Anonymity On-line “Tradition Eleven gives a specific guideline: ‘we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, and TV. It is Al-Anon/Alateen policy to interpret Tradition Eleven to include the Internet as well as all forms of evolving public media. Personal anonymity in the media guards the fellowship from the Al-Anon/ Alateen member who may be tempted to seek public recognition.” 2014-2017 Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual (P-24/27), page 91 Key points for facilitators: Important to explain Tradition Eleven as it relates to the Internet. Al-Anon/Alateen policy is that the Internet and other electronic media are “at the level of press…” Discussion on this Tradition can illuminate the subject. References: Alateen—Hope for Children of Alcoholics (B-3): “We maintain our anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and film because no one person is authorized to be a spokesperson for Alateen.” (page 44). Al-Anon policy is that Tradition Eleven includes the Internet and other forms of electronic media. Alateen WSO Facebook page

Anonymity Challenges of technology “On any Web site accessible to the public, whether an Al-Anon site or not, full names, phone numbers, or other identifying information are not posted, if they are identified as belonging to an Al-Anon/Alateen member.” 2014-2017 Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual (P-24/27, page 91) Alateen identifying information is never posted on the Internet. Any contacts for an Alateen event posted online should be Area-certified AMIAS. See Guideline for Al-Anon Web Sites (G-40) Key points for facilitators: Information posted on the Internet is available to the general public. For the safety of our Alateens, we never post Alateen phone numbers, e-mail addresses, or any other identifying information. Example is the “Alateen WSO” Facebook page: this is not a place to share, but a page to use for public outreach, to help to spread the word about Alateen on Facebook. References: Guideline for Al-Anon Web Sites (G-40): “Full names should not be used as e-mail addresses in publications or on Web sites. Some areas use an e-mail address system that includes the service position plus the member’s first name and last initial. For safety reasons, never post identifying Alateen information.”

Anonymity Challenges of technology “Web-based communication, such as on-line audio/visual materials (e.g. Web casts or podcasts), social networking sites, and blogs, provides members with easy access to distribute information about Al-Anon/Alateen recovery to a large audience. In keeping with Tradition Eleven…members who use this type of communication outlet must maintain their personal anonymity and that of any Al-Anon/ Alateen or A.A. member, as the Internet is a form of media.” 2014-2017 Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual (P-24/27, page 92) Key points for facilitators: Talking about Alateen on-line may seem harmless, but we are asked to abide by Tradition Eleven. Discussion: How can we help Alateens to understand Tradition Eleven as it applies to the Internet? References: Alateen—Hope for Children of Alcoholics (B-3), Tradition Eleven

Financial Challenges Group Finances It is the goal of every Al-Anon/Alateen group to be “fully self-supporting” (Tradition Seven). Within Al-Anon/Alateen, members and groups help each other to attain the goal of self support. Discussion of Tradition Seven in the Alateen group is helpful. Key points for facilitators: Study in the Alateen Group of Tradition Seven can encourage Alateens to seek ways of funding their group and group activities, as well as supporting their district, AIS, Area, and WSO. Discussion: How can we help the Alateens to understand Tradition Seven? References: 2014-2017 Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual (P-24/27): “It may be difficult for a new Alateen group to meet all its expenses and needs. The local Al-Anon group(s) or district may provide literature or funds to help the group get started, with the goal of the Alateen group becoming fully self-supporting as soon as possible.” (page 90) Alateen—Hope for Children of Alcoholics (B-3): “Tradition Seven,” pages 37-39 Seventh Tradition (S-21)

Financial Challenges Alateen Conference Expenses Attending Alateen conferences is an individual expense. “Alateens, like Al-Anon members, participate in paying for their attendance at conferences whenever possible.” (Alateen Conferences, G-16) Alateens should be encouraged to plan their own fundraising activities, and to ask the Al-Anon district/ Area for help. The Alateen Conferences Guideline (G-16) provides shared experience on local/Area Alateen event fundraising. How can Al-Anon help Alateens to be fully self-supporting? Key points for facilitators: Study of Tradition Seven can encourage Alateens to seek ways of funding activities such as attending Alateen conferences. Discussion: How can Al-Anon help Alateens to be fully self-supporting? References: Alateen Conferences Guideline (G-16): “Areas, districts, groups, or Conferences may have fundraising events to provide full or partial scholarships for Alateens or Sponsors who may not otherwise be able to attend.” Alateen—Hope for Children of Alcoholics (B-3): “Tradition Seven,” pages 37-39. 2014-2017 Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual (P-24/27), pages 97-98.

Applying the Traditions in Alateen meetings/events and in Alateen service Study of the Traditions can: Help solve problems Help the Alateens to understand the principles of anonymity and self-support Alateen CAL Resources: Alateen—Hope for Children of Alcoholics (B-3) Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for Alateen (P-18) Key points for facilitators: Additional study on the Traditions is available in our Al-Anon literature; the better the Alateen Group Sponsors’ understanding, the more they will be able to help the Alateens to understand. References: Alateen—Hope for Children of Alcoholics (B-3): “The Traditions are the result of many lessons learned the hard way. If we pay attention to them, we don’t have to repeat those same mistakes. We will be keeping our group on the right track.” Courage to Be Me—Living with Alcoholism (B-23) Conflict Resolution Using our Twelve Traditions (S-72)

Public Outreach The challenge of attracting teens to the group Getting the word out about Alateen is an ongoing challenge. Work with Area Alateen Coordinator, District/AIS Alateen and Public Outreach contact/committee Plan Public Outreach to: Al-Anon groups A.A. groups Schools Community Local events (health fairs, etc.) Key points for facilitators: Discussion: How can we help to carry the message that Alateen is available? Inform neighboring Al-Anon and A.A. groups that Alateen is available. Have an annual open meeting and invite Al-Anon groups, A.A. groups, local professionals, and the general public to attend. Work with your local district/AIS public outreach committee to help get the word out to schools, professionals, and the community. References: 2014-2017Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual (P-24/27): “Alateen members must comply with local laws and their Area Alateen requirements regarding personal anonymity in all public outreach work.” (page 92) Public Outreach Guidelines and “The Best of Public Outreach” (available at al-anon.org/members) Alateen Service e-Manual, al-anon.org/members

Public Outreach The challenge of attracting teens to the group Participate in local/Area service meetings. Demonstrate that Alateen is part of Al-Anon. Encourage Alateens to attend local fellowship events, in compliance with Area Alateen Safety and Behavioral Requirements. Work with your local district/AIS public outreach committee to help get the word out to schools, professionals, and the community. Key points for facilitators: Make an effort to connect Alateen with Al-Anon. Discussion: How can we engage our Al-Anon Public Outreach trusted servants to include Alateen in outreach activities? References: Alateen Table Card (M-80) Public Outreach Guidelines, The Best of Public Outreach, and Alateen Service e-Manual (available at al-anon.org/members) Area Alateen Safety and Behavioral Requirements

Alateen Training Module IV Dealing with Challenges in Alateen If time does not allow to cover all the material in one session, this is a suggested breaking point. End Part B: continue with Part C.