BUILDING & MAINTAINING A POSITIVERELATIONSHIP FROM BABYHOOD: ESSENTIAL FOR THE HEALTHY PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, SOCIAL, ACADEMIC AND SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT OF THE CHILD Patricia FitzPatrick Email: pafitzp@gmail.com Ph: 087-1778230 https://kildareplaytherapy.com

PLAY For between 10 and 20 minutes a day. More often for toddlers. Child decides on Play activity. Child with ASD may choose unusual play item. When play time is established as a daily activity, gently suggest trying different items to expand play and imagination. Parent gives 100% attention – no phones, no media. If another child is present parent operates a loose neck – set other child up in activity and glance over and comment every so often… Activity must be FUN. Give warning re ending (timers, clock, etc) and end. Important to end as planned. Child objects – this means child enjoyed play, acknowledge this and say something like “we will play again tomorrow, now you can continue playing by yourself or help me doing… If child is reluctant to play, it is vitally important that you play at allocated time.

PRAISE & ENCOURAGEMENT Notice the behaviour you want to see more of and name it .. “ you are so good at sharing”; “thanks for bringing your plate to the dishwasher” etc. Praise immediately. This is most important for younger children as it helps the child to connect the positive attention with behaviour. Delayed praise is better than no praise e.g. “ Ben I forgot to thank you this morning for getting ready for school on time. My morning ran so much smoother as a result”. Praise with body language e.g. smiles, high fives, thumbs up etc. Praise the steps along the way – this encouragement. It helps the child to complete the project.

REWARDS We all work for rewards. Would you go to work each day if you were not getting paid..? A child will work a lot harder to earn a reward – positive consequence - than to avoid a sanction – negative consequence. When you want to change a behaviour first work on praising the opposite behaviour when you see it – “you stayed calm even though you were frustrated, well done you!” If a child is consistently misbehaving e.g. fighting with siblings, setting up a reward system in which the child earns a point each time the parent sees her playing nicely will succeed if the parent commits to it. One behaviour at a time on reward system, clearly named (setting up a reward system for ‘good behaviour’ is doomed to failure).

Rewards continued…. Rewards work best for younger child when given immediately – sticker. Older children can wait – give point at the time and allow points to accumulate and then child can trade in for bigger reward. Rewards that don’t cost are often the best – staying up later at weekend, extra screen time etc. The immediate reward is your noticing the desired behaviour and awarding a point which can be traded in later for a bigger reward.