Revising and Proofreading Business Messages CHAPTER 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages

The Writing Process Insert Figure 3.1: Highlight Step 2

Revising and Proofreading Revising: Improving content and sentence structure. May involve adding, cutting, recasting. Proofreading: Correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation, format, and mechanics.

Concise Wording Instead of this: Try this: Revise your messages to eliminate wordiness. Instead of this: We are of the opinion that Please feel free to In addition to the above At this point in time Despite the fact that Try this: We think Please Also Now Although

Wordy Prepositional Phrases Instead of this: We don’t as a general rule cash personal checks. Students in very few instances receive parking tickets. She calls meetings on a monthly basis. Try this: We don’t generally cash personal checks. Students seldom receive parking tickets. She calls monthly meetings.

Long Lead-Ins Instead of this: Try this: This memo is to inform you that all employees meet today. I am writing this letter to say thanks to everyone who voted. Try this: All employees meet today. Thanks to everyone who voted.

Outdated Expressions Outdated: Modern: as per your request pursuant to your request attached hereunto under separate cover Modern: at your request attached separately

Needless Adverbs Instead of this: Try this: To sound more credible and to streamline your writing, avoid excessive use of adverbs such as definitely, quite, really, actually, and so forth. Instead of this: The manager is actually quite pleased with your proposal because the plan is definitely workable. Try this: The manager is pleased with your proposal because the plan is workable.

Fillers Instead of this: Try this: Revise sentences to avoid fillers such as there and it when used merely to take up space. Instead of this: There are two employees who should be promoted. It was Lisa and Jeff who were singled out. Try this: Two employees should be promoted. Lisa and Jeff were singled out.

Redundant Words Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What words could be omitted in these expressions? advance warning close proximity exactly identical filled to capacity final outcome necessary requisite new beginning past history refer back thought and consideration

Jargon Computer jargon: Alternative language: Avoid technical terms and special terminology that readers would not recognize. Computer jargon: queue export bandwidth Alternative language: list of documents waiting to be printed transfer data from one program to another Internet capacity

Slang to bag on clueless turkey chill/chill out Avoid slang (informal expressions with arbitrary or extravagantly changed meanings). to bag on clueless turkey chill/chill out to tease, to nag, to complain unaware, naïve someone stupid or silly relax

Clichés Avoid clichés (overused expressions). Substitute more precise words. Last but not least, you should keep your nose to the grindstone. We had reached the end of our rope. Finally, you should work diligently. We could go no further.

Precise Verbs Revise your writing to include precise verbs instead of general, lackluster, all-purpose ones. Market researchers said that profits would improve. What more precise verbs could replace said? Market researchers forecasted improved profits. Market researchers promised improved profits. Market researchers predicted improved profits.

Precise Verbs Revise verbs that have been converted to nouns. (TIP: Look for words ending in tion or ment. Could they be more efficiently and forcefully converted to verbs?) The manager came to the realization that telecommuting made sense. The manager realized that telecommuting made sense. An application must be made by the job seeker. The job seeker must apply.

Concrete Nouns The man asked for a raise. Revise your writing to include specific, concrete nouns instead of general, abstract ones. The man asked for a raise. Jeff Jones asked for a 10 percent salary increase. An employee presented a proposal. Kelly Keeler, production manager, presented a plan to stagger hours.

Vivid Adjectives The report was good. Revise your writing to include descriptive, dynamic adjectives instead of overworked, all-purpose ones. The report was good. The report was persuasive (or detailed, original, thorough, painstaking, complete, comprehensive).

What to Watch for in Proofreading Spelling Grammar Punctuation Names and numbers Format

How to Proofread Complex Documents Allow adequate time. Print a copy, preferably double-spaced. Be prepared to find errors. Read once for meaning and once for grammar/mechanics. Reduce your reading speed.

How to Proofread Complex Documents For documents that must be perfect: Have someone read aloud the original while someone else checks the printout. Spell names. Spell difficult words. Note capitalization. Note punctuation.

Grammar/Mechanics Checkup 4 Review Sections 1.16 and 1.17 in the Grammar/Mechanics Handbook  Complete 15 statements, p. 93.  Check your answers against those provided at the end of the book.