Assertive parenting and mental health session3

Outline Questions from last session Mindfulness Managing behaviour that challenges - Supporting communication - General Principles - Strategies Develop individual plans… Feedback

Questions/ Queries/ discussion Positive and Negative reinforcement Function of behaviours

BEING MINDFUL

HOW TO BE MINDFUL Labelling Try to label the emotion you’re experiencing now, either in your mind or by writing down one word you are feeling. This labelling process helps us build a story in our mind of what is happening currently Scanning When you’re interacting with your child, try to switch on your internal spotlight to scan for any tension in your body. Posture and body language give away your state of mind. 85% of what we express is through our body language, not through verbal communication. Reflecting When your child is highly stressed, angry or sad, try expressing in words what you think he/she might be feeling. Some of your child’s character is shaped by your interactions with him/her.

MINDFULNESS EXERCISE Group exercise : Mindfulness exercise – Leaf on a stream https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLlSlYMqfNg

States of Mind

Think about dividing up the Vulnerability Homework chose one of the above and think about how it relates to you and how you have practiced it in your life with your child. Using your own way of relaxing tells us what difference it makes to your parenting.

supporting communication Be concrete & visual (e.g. visual timetables). Use ideas around “total communication” e.g. support words with gestures, facial expressions. Support with signing / PECS. Keep instructions simple.

General principles Clear goals Clearly define what you are aiming for and what your expectations are. Identify just one or two difficult behaviours to work on rather than a whole host of things. Have realistic expectations for your child What behaviours can you ignore? Tasks/ instructions may need to be broken down into smaller steps or they may need some assistance with getting started. If it does not put your child or others at risk, is it necessary to respond? Try to redirect your child to do what you would like them to do instead or something that is of interest to them. Think about your child’s own strengths & weaknesses. Do not keep moving the goal posts. Having these pinned up in a visual form (e.g. “house rules”) can help a child see what is expected of them.

General principles Consistency Environmental changes It may not be possible for a child to change & therefore we may need to adapt the environment to suit the child in order to remove triggers. e.g.- If you know a trip to the supermarket triggers challenging behaviour can you avoid placing your child in that situation in the first place? Consistency This is a key principle in managing challenging behaviour and the key to success. Have an agreed strategy for managing challenging behaviour & ensure that everyone follows this each time (e.g. partner, school, support worker etc.). This will help the child understand what is expected of them & the consequences.

General principles Rewards Reward desired / “good” behaviour. Rewards are more effective than punishments. Rewards should be immediate so your child links them to the behaviour. Think about what is rewarding for your child- your idea of a reward might be very different! Punishment and Boundaries Punishment is generally ineffective. It is important that we model to our children that we can solve problems & deal with difficult feelings without shouting, “losing control” etc. But ALL children need firm & consistent boundaries. This can actually be reassuring for children as they know what’s expected of them. Whilst we need to be tolerant of some autistic behaviours, autism itself should not be an excuse for “bad” behaviour.

General principles FUN! We all need to have some fun in life in order to be happy & enjoy life. Think of things your child likes to do and incorporate them into your daily routine. Have 1:1 time together. Recommend 20- 30mins minimum (e.g. reading a book, drawing/painting together, playing hide and seek or even playing with your child’s favorite toy alongside each other). This can be child led or you can take it in turns to decide what the activity will be.

THREE MAIN WAYS TO MANAGE BEHAVIOUR THAT CHALLENGES 1. General prevention How can you prevent some of the causes and triggers that seem linked to difficult behaviour? What is it about all the times when the problem occurs less or not at all? 2. Avoiding an incident (changing the way you cope with a potentially challenging situation) Which strategies can help to avoid incidents? The strategies used depend on the trigger identified when trying to understand the difficult behaviour and also what’s best for that child. 3. Responding to difficult behaviour (how you respond when the child has already shown some challenging behaviour) This needs to be planned in advance ideally, together with the whole family/any professionals and the child, and be consistently used by everyone. The child should ideally be aware of this plan too, so they know what may happen if they show a certain behaviour e.g. hitting someone.

PREVENTION suggestions Consistent and predictable routine Not too many demands at once Not being bored/ understimulated Help them choose what they want to do by giving 2 options Be aware of events/incidents in the past that may affect their behaviour now Help them to express their feelings Recognise build-up signals early (e.g. swearing, pacing etc.) Being aware of behavioural messages the child is being sent by everyone in the family Make them feel good and encourage them in what they are doing General medical check up Are they able to do what is being asked?

Avoiding suggestions Staying calm Distraction e.g. encourage to turn their attention to something/ someone else Changing the activity they are engaged in Moving away from the difficult situation Calming or reassuring the child Explaining what’s going to happen next Doing a safe, familiar activity/ situation

Responding Strategies Time Out Use for serious behaviours that can’t be ignored (e.g. hitting). Don’t over- use it or it’ll be less effective & become punitive. Explain to child why they are in time out. Time out should be done somewhere safe with no stimulation (e.g. toys) Should not be longer than 5 minutes ; however if child leaves time out they should go back in and the time starts again. Your child should not be allowed out of time out until they have been calm for at least two minutes. Needs to be immediate.

Responding Strategies cont’d Praise Don’t overuse or it starts to lose it’s impact & can start to sound fake. Aim to praise and encourage your child 5 times for every 1 correction. Be specific – Instead of “good boy” say “ I liked how well you tidied up your toys”. Praise effort (e.g. “I could see you tried so hard to…I am so proud of you. Needs to be immediate. Avoid combining it with a put down (e.g. “I liked how well you tidied your toys, shame you can’t do it all the time”). Catch your child being good. It’s easier to notice “bad” behaviour a lot of the time! Be enthusiastic

Responding Strategies cont’d Rewards It may be star charts or may need something concrete. If using star charts never take one away for “bad” behaviour. Be realistic about rewards– they should be fairly small or you’ll end up bankrupt! Also try not to use monetary rewards as it may become expensive for you. Think about what is rewarding for the child– being allowed to spend 10 minutes spinning may be a good reward for a child with ASD. Needs to be immediate- particularly in the initial stages of change. Your child needs to experience the immediate benefits of doing the desired behaviours.

Responding Strategies cont’d Change your responses Sometimes the way we respond to a behaviour may actually keep it going. e.g. A child has a tantrum when you say “NO” and you eventually give them what they want. The child therefore learns that tantrums are a pretty good way of getting what they want!

The end Questions? Comments? Discussion?