Training Module 6 of 10: Aligning with District 186 BIST Strategies

The Power of Words Using language to reduce resistance and increase trust

What’s the point? To decrease resistance and increase trust “Can you” statements make it about the child “Can you” statements make it about ability Decreases the potential for power struggles Takes the guessing out of what to do next Helps us identify what skill the student is missing You can confront while being kind and supportive BIST 2018

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself Questions to ask yourself before confronting or intervening with a student How am I feeling? What words am I using? What does my body language say? What does my tone of voice sound like? BIST Training Manual

Emotions are Contagious Kids in stress create in adults their feelings and, if not trained, the adults will mirror their behavior. (Long and Fecser, 2000)

Caring Interventional Language Can You statements I see ….....................(observed behavior) Can you...................(desired behavior) Even though...........(validate student’s feelings) Adapted from BIST Training Manual

When Confronted: Predictable Student Reactions/Adult Responses Shut down Set limits and follow through Denial (Why? What did I do?) Great question. Can you go ahead and move to …..? Blaming (But he did it first, she looked at me funny, etc.) I can this is really hard for you. Can you move to the ….. Even if you don’t want to.

What’s the MOST important thing to remember? Behavior is always a signal and an opportunity. Students who are acting out are asking us to lean in, not to reject them, yell at them etc. This is an invitation to expand your perception of the situation – we have to be able to shift from an emotional response to “what skill is the kid missing and how can I coach them into the skill?” Our intention is to help students replace inappropriate behavior with appropriate life skills

Telling vs. Asking Asking questions increases thinking Many students lack the language skills Asking is an invitation to a conversation which leads to partnership Asking allows you to dig deeper into the root of the problem Asking decreases resistance BIST 2018

It’s all about intention Begin with intent (lowers anxiety) “I don’t want you to be in trouble.” Continue with…. (explains intention) “Are you ok?” “You are not in trouble.” Ask Questions .... (increases thinking) “Am I the right person to help you?” “Is this the best place for you” Identify emotions....(validates feelings) “I am sure you have a good reason to be angry.” “We can talk when you are feeling better.” Begin planning......(gives hope) “I bet this is hard.” “I get angry too and had to learn self control. You are not alone” “What would help right now? A walk, to draw, be alone, a drink?”

BIST Goals for Life I can make good choices even if I am mad I can be ok even if others are not okay I can do something even if I don’t want to (or if it’s hard)

Training Module 6 of 10: BIST Strategies Questions, Resources, Thoughts, Concerns, Putting it into Practice