Style Analysis--Diction Weeds & Roses

Weed #1--Answer the Prompt! Reread the prompt: –Discuss the authors use of diction in the short story From a Window. –Consider: Who will interact with the diction? Why does the author pick certain words? Whose experience is she trying to shape? –Your thesis must do more than say that Campobellos uses diction. DUH! We know she does this.

Examples of NOT answering the prompt: Campobellos has a strong choice in words that increase the emotions of the character during the Mexican Revolution. Campobellos diction throughout From a Window, is powerful, gives a certain emotional response, and are perfect for the piece. Issue: These theses dont SAY anything about the diction; both say that she USES diction. We know this!

Compared to…Roses The authors choice of words in this short story creates a more powerful effect towards the reader by creating vivid pictures… In Nellie Campobellos short story, From a Window, the authors use of diction gives the readers and image of how afraid and desperate the young man was before he was shot, what he looked like after and gives the reader an idea of how attached to the man the girl was.

In the story, From a Window, Nellie Campobellos uses words to provoke fear, disgust and obsession in the reader. Nellie Campobellos description of what happened to the young man built the troubling feeling and gave heart to the little girls obsession over the dead man.

Weed #2--DUH Test Dont state the obvious; it hurts my eyes and my brain. Reread your paper. Any DUHs? Anything your 10 year old sister could have pointed out?

DUH… In Campobellos passage From a Window she uses words to describe terrible things that happen… The powerful messages brought to readers by words in this excerpt are as timeless as time itself. Many of the words, if changed, would promote a different feeling to the passage.

Instead, say something interesting... Weed #3--Stopping Just Shy Many of you are on the brink of saying something brilliant…but then you move right along to the next concrete detail. SLOW DOWN! THINK! THINK SOME MORE! Think even LONGER!

Examples of stopping just shy: The man writhed in terror, stretching out his hands toward the soldiers, begging not to be killed. This quote creates an eerie feeling of death… WHY??? Slow down to dig deeper. How about adding: –The man pleas for his life by grasping--unsuccessfully--at his killers, as if they might save him. His desperation is so extreme that he will look to anyone for help. His last moments, filled with despair and pain, are seen by the author from the window above,as if a casual observer to this gruesome scene.

Stopping Just Shy: …the word scrawl makes a visual image that portrays the body as creepy. WHY?? Slow down to dig deeper. How about adding: –It is as if the body is moving, inching closer to the author in the window above. The mans limbs, flailed about due to his agony, echo the pain in his final moments, a reminder to all who pass him daily that the streets of Mexico are rarely safe. The government, the soldiers, the violence, scrawling down back alleys and into the innocents homes.

Weed #4--But the author Didnt say that! Yes, yes, yes. I know in the Consider section it asks you to think about how the effect on the reader would be different if she had utilized different words… But she didnt! Dont analyze what she didnt do. Dont rewrite the passage for her. Instead, think about--dont write about--how it would have been different. This is to help you understand authors choice.

Authors Choice: Finish this sentence: –School ______________. –Think of four synonyms for the word you used to finish the sentence. –Choose the one that best describes how you feel about school. –Why did you chose that one? What did it connotation that the others didnt?

–This is authors choice. –Out of all the words to choose from, she chose this particular one. WHY? What did it say that the others didnt? –Explain that word and its connotation in depth, not the words she didnt use.

Scores 10--You rock the Kasbah and are saying all the right things! 9--High five! You understand how the details contribute to the big picture. 8-You get it and have a few glimmering moments. 7-I see you trying to get it. Almost there. Go deeper. 6-Reread the prompt. Be more specific in your thesis. Avoid DUH phrases. 5-If you tried, you earned a 6 or higher.

Ms. Ks Notations SIB-Say it Better DNAP-Did not answer prompt -my shorthand for didnt or not or some other negative 7+ or 7- Letting you know that youre close to a grade above or below. Plusses & minuses not recorded.