Social Styles Raising self awareness and enhancing your influence Professor Robert Bontempo Columbia University Graduate School of Business

ASSERTIVENESS - is a measure of the degree to which you see yourself as tending to ask or as tending to tell as you interact with others. .

ASK ASSERTIVE TELL ASSERTIVE cautious and reserved about sharing opinions; questioning; low-key, quiet TELL ASSERTIVE opinionated, forceful; makes statements and declarations; directs actions of others

Assertiveness ME ASKS TELLS Ask Assertive Slower pace Fewer Statements Quieter Volume Non-Directive/Relaxed Use of Hands Leans Back Indirect Eye Contact Tell Assertive Faster Pace More statements Louder Volume Directive Use of Hands/Points for Emphasis Leans forward Direct Eye Contact

RESPONSIVENESS - is a measure of the degree to which you see yourself as tending to control - i.e. keep your feelings and emotions inside - or, it is the degree to which you emote - i.e. outward display your feelings and emotions with others.

CONTROL EMOTE focus on ideas, things, data and tasks; tend not to share feelings publicly EMOTE readily shares feelings; expresses anger, joy happiness, hurt feelings

Responsiveness More Controlling Monotone Task Subjects Facts/Data Less Use of Hands Rigid Posture Controlled Facial Expressions CONTROLS More Emoting Inflections People Subjects Opinions/Stories More Use of Hands Casual Posture Animated Facial Expressions ME EMOTES

CONTROL ASK ASSERTIVE TELL ASSERTIVE EMOTE focus on ideas, things, data and tasks; tend not to share feelings publicly ASK ASSERTIVE cautious and reserved about sharing opinions; questioning; low-key, quiet TELL ASSERTIVE opinionated, forceful; makes statements and declarations; directs actions of others EMOTE readily shares feelings; expresses anger, joy happiness, hurt feelings

Verbal and Non-Verbal Cues 1. Monotone 2. Task Subjects 3. Facts/Data 4. Less Hand Movement 5. Rigid Posture 6. Controlled Facial Expressions CONTROLS 1. Slower Pace 2. Fewer Statements 3. Quieter Volume 4. Non-directive/Relaxed Use of Hands 5. Leans Back 6. Indirect Eye Contact 1. Faster Pace 2. More Statements 3. Louder Volume 4. Directive Use of Hands/Points for Emphasis 5. Leans Forward 6. Direct Eye Contact EMOTES ASKS TELLS 1. Inflections 2. People Subjects 3. Opinions/Stories 4. More Hand Movement 5. Casual Posture 6. Animated Facial Expressions

Social Styles CONTROLS Analytical Driving ASKS TELLS EMOTES Amiable Expressive

Analytical Driving CONTROLS ASKS TELLS EMOTES Expressive Amiable Logical Thorough Serious Systematic Prudent Pragmatic Efficient Decisive Candid Independent CONTROLS ASKS TELLS EMOTES Expressive Amiable Cooperative Supportive Diplomatic Patient Loyal Enthusiastic Spontaneous Outgoing Fun loving Persuasive

More Telling + More Controlled Behavior Driving Style More Telling + More Controlled Behavior CONTROL ASK ASSERTIVE TELL ASSERTIVE EMOTE Present time frame Direct action Tends to avoid inaction Swift action Maximum effort to control Minimum concern for caution in relationships

More Telling + More Emoting Behavior Expressive Style More Telling + More Emoting Behavior CONTROL ASK ASSERTIVE TELL ASSERTIVE EMOTE Future time frame Impulsive action Tends to avoid isolation Rapid action Maximum effort to involve Minimum concern for routine

More Asking + More Emoting Behavior Amiable Style More Asking + More Emoting Behavior CONTROL ASK ASSERTIVE TELL ASSERTIVE EMOTE Present time frame Supportive action Tends to avoid conflict Unhurried action Maximum effort to relate Minimum concern for affecting change

More Asking + More Controlled Behavior Analytical Style More Asking + More Controlled Behavior CONTROL ASK ASSERTIVE TELL ASSERTIVE EMOTE Historical time frame Cautious action Tends to avoid personal involvement Slow action Maximum effort to organize Minimum concern for relationships

Style Strength Risk Analytical Amiable Expressive Driver Precise, systematic Inflexible, nit picking Amiable Supportive, easygoing Conforming, permissive Expressive Enthusastic, imaginative Overbearing, unrealistic Driver Determined, objective Domineering, unfeeling

Style Risk Advice Analytical Amiable Expressive Driver Inflexible, nit picking Decide, take a stand Amiable Conforming, permissive Set/achieve goals, challenge others to do their best Expressive Overbearing, unrealistic Restrain yourself Driver Domineering, unfeeling Listen to others

Analytical Driver Amiable Expressive DECISION MAKING Uses Facts Historical Evidence Data, and Experience Relationship Based Trust and Reassurance Cost Benefit Analysis Pushing to Conclusion Vivid Dramatic Testimony DECISION MAKING Uses Facts Avoids Risks Takes Risks Uses Opinions Reference: Williams and Miller (2002). Change the Way You Persuade, HBR.

If you are a…Driver And they are …

If you are… an Expressive And they are …

If you are an …Amiable And they are …

If you are…an Analytical And they are …