WS1.7 Evaluation and Revision Re-Teaching Guided Practice AMERICA

Writing Strategies 1.7Evaluation and Revision: revise writing to improve organization and word choice after checking the logic of the ideas and the precision of the vocabulary

Student Samples Conquest of America

Student Sample #1 Soon, led by Cortés and Pizarro, the Aztecs and Incas were conquered by Spanish explorers. Rewrite the sentence above so that the ideas are most precisely stated. Compare your sentence with the student next to you.

Student Sample #1 You should have written a sentence like this: Spanish explorers led by Cortés and Pizarro soon conquered the Aztecs and the Incas.

Student Sample #2 Bringing new diseases with them, the Spanish had better weapons such as smallpox. Rewrite the sentence above so that the ideas are most precisely stated. Compare your sentence with the student next to you.

Student Sample #2 You should have written a sentence like this: The Spanish had better weapons, and they brought new diseases such as smallpox.

Student Sample #3 More than three-quarters of the Aztec and Inca native peoples were killed by diseases brought by the Spanish, who had no immunity to the diseases. Rewrite the sentence above so that the ideas are most precisely stated. Compare your sentence with the student next to you.

Student Sample #3 You should have written a sentence like this: Diseases brought by the Spanish killed possibly more than three-quarters of the Aztec and Inca native peoples, who had no immunity to the diseases.

Student Sample #4 Large parts of America were ruled by the Spanish soon. Rewrite the sentence above so that the ideas are most precisely stated. Compare your sentence with the student next to you.

Student Sample #4 You should have written a sentence like this: The Spanish soon ruled large parts of the Americas.