Preparing Everyone Assuming the best Building on strengths Permanent Family Connections Sue Badeau & Bob Lewis

& Workshop Preview Shared parenting Who needs to be prepared? Issues: yours, mine and ours Engaging others in the process Group Exercise Wrap-up

& All Parenting is Shared How have you or your parents shared parenting? What does shared parenting mean; can you think of another way to say it? Thinking beyond today and beyond yourself… Tell us about a time when the adult relationships in a youths life came together to assure permanence.

4 Who needs to be prepared? The list grows on The prospective parents The child A youths constellation of contacts, –Professional –Personal

& Even doing our best, weve all got Issues. Professionals –T–Teachers –T–Therapists –S–Social workers –C–Case managers Parents Relatives, Siblings Present and former caregivers

& Professionals Issues No one started out to hurt a kid Fear of doing so again Competition & career No one accepts something new the first time AKUD Share, Educate, Demonstrate Moving to a place of incompetence Fear of more losses

& Parents/Relatives Issues Loss Shame Guilt Hurt Self Esteem Desire to do the right thing Beliefs Fear vs. Hope Limited understanding of parenting

& Caregivers Issues Good enough parents If I cant do it nobody can. Competition with the new/old parent Safety, protection and risk Not in my job description – not the way I was trained Fear of losing services and benefits and the trapdoor

& Maya & PJ Reaching out

& Feedback What worked well? What was the most difficult thing for both of you? What were you pleased that the other said or did? What would you have liked that wasnt said or done? Where would you go from here?

& Engaging Others Building a shared family network Extended family –Paternal and Maternal Caring Adults Friends Siblings All Professionals Lines of affection

& Role redefinition and relationships Professionals to family Siblings to cousins Parents to aunts and uncles Friends to family Fluid roles; enduring relationships

& Contribute not Control As part of the whole network of family Friends become the family you chose for yourself How do you help if they dont think they can contribute without controlling?

& Network Engagement Process Invitation Youth centered Personalized Inclusive Holistic Adaptable Accountable Ongoing/ready to reconvene

& Running a Meeting Break into groups Assign roles Take a case from Persistence or your own Identify others to be involved Run meeting and report out

& Persist Set up a system for contact Assume the best Engage them in the process Empower the youth Focus x competence x passion = adherence Persist

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