Copyright © The Beyond Intractability Project Beyond Intractability is a Registered Trademark of the University of Colorado PowerPoint Summary of: I vs. You Messages

Slide 2: I vs. You Messages I Messages Communicate problems without escalating conflict Statement about yourself Begin with “I…” Usually focus on a feeling State a problem without blame You Messages Communicate problems but may escalate conflict Statement about the Other Begin with “You…” Usually focus on an act Often blame the Other for the problem PowerPoint Summary of: I vs. You Messages

PowerPoint Summary of: I vs. You Messages Slide 3: Examples of I vs. You Messages I Message Examples I was really disappointed when I came home and found the kitchen a total mess. I was really upset and stressed when I found I had to do all my work and your work too. You Messages Examples You didn’t clean up the kitchen as you promised to do! You didn’t get your work done last night, so I had to do your work and mine too!

Slide 4: Use of I Messages Can allow the Other to save face Helps the Other to see the effect of their actions Encourages remedy PowerPoint Summary of: I vs. You Messages

Slide 5: Use of You Messages Causes the Other to “lose face” Tends to make the other defensive Encourages argument and debate, not remedy PowerPoint Summary of: I vs. You Messages

Slide 6: WARNING! I-messages may be inappropriate in some cultures I messages can be manipulative If used to control or change the other This is a particular concern within asymmetric power relations WARNING! PowerPoint Summary of: I vs. You Messages