Getting Our Three Keys to Better Relationships Hearts Right.

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Presentation transcript:

Getting Our Three Keys to Better Relationships Hearts Right

Conflict is a universal human problem. Getting Our Hearts Right

What do we do about conflict? Getting Our Hearts Right

What do we do about conflict? Getting Our Hearts Right Knowledge

What do we do about conflict? Getting Our Hearts Right Knowledge Skills

Personal biases make it difficult to evaluate conflicts fairly. Getting Our Hearts Right

Getting Our Hearts Right

Getting Our Hearts Right Egocentrism We focus on ourselves and our needs.

Getting Our Hearts Right Egocentrism We focus on ourselves and our needs. Fundamental Attribution Bias We tend to excuse our mistakes and faults because of our circumstances while blaming others’ misdeeds on their bad character.

Getting Our Hearts Right Egocentrism We focus on ourselves and our needs. Fundamental Attribution Bias We tend to excuse our mistakes and faults because of our circumstances while blaming others’ misdeeds on their bad character. Naïve Realism We tend to see bias and bad logic in other people but fail to see it in ourselves.

Getting Our Hearts Right

Getting Our Hearts Right Anger narrows and blinds us.

Getting Our Hearts Right Anger narrows and blinds us. Confirmation Bias We tend to accept only information that supports what we already believe.

Getting Our Hearts Right Anger narrows and blinds us. Confirmation Bias We tend to accept only information that supports what we already believe. Unreliable Memories We regularly reshape our memories to fit our objectives.

Getting Our Hearts Right Anger narrows and blinds us. Confirmation Bias We tend to accept only information that supports what we already believe. Unreliable Memories We regularly reshape our memories to fit our objectives. Negativity Bias We tend to be overwhelmed by bad things and forget good things.

Getting Our Hearts Right BIAS IN ACTION You know, you have faults, too! Yes. But they don’t bother me like yours do!

Getting Our Hearts Right The soundtracks of our lives.

Getting Our Hearts Right We process our perceptions through our own life stories.

The solution to bias goes beyond knowledge and skills. Getting Our Hearts Right

Key 1: Humility opens our hearts. Getting Our Hearts Right

How to cultivate humility Getting Our Hearts Right

How can you activate humility in your life and relationships? Getting Our Hearts Right Reflection:

Science’s two-part answer for activating humility: Getting Our Hearts Right

Science’s two-part answer for activating humility: Getting Our Hearts Right 1. Consider your biases.

Science’s two-part answer for activating humility: Getting Our Hearts Right 1. Consider your biases. 2. Consider the weakness in your position.

Applying humility to your own situation Getting Our Hearts Right

Key 2: Compassion connects our hearts. Getting Our Hearts Right

How to cultivate compassion Getting Our Hearts Right

How to cultivate compassion Getting Our Hearts Right Stay peaceful.

How to cultivate compassion Getting Our Hearts Right Stay peaceful. Recognize that your perceptions are not the whole story.

How to cultivate compassion Getting Our Hearts Right Stay peaceful. Recognize that your perceptions are not the whole story. Listen to and understand the feelings of others.

Applying compassion to your own situation Getting Our Hearts Right How can you open your heart to someone else’s view?

Key 3: Positivity inspires our hearts. Getting Our Hearts Right

How to cultivate positivity. Getting Our Hearts Right

How to cultivate positivity. Getting Our Hearts Right We can remember the good times in a relationship.

How to cultivate positivity. Getting Our Hearts Right We can remember the good times in a relationship. We can focus on the good qualities in people and appreciate how they enrich our lives.

How to cultivate positivity. Getting Our Hearts Right We can remember the good times in a relationship. We can focus on the good qualities in people and appreciate how they enrich our lives. When relationships don’t go well, we can assume that problems are temporary or minimal.

How to cultivate positivity. Getting Our Hearts Right

How to cultivate positivity. Getting Our Hearts Right We can see the good things in our relationships as enduring and typical.

How to cultivate positivity. Getting Our Hearts Right We can see the good things in our relationships as enduring and typical. We can identify examples of people who sustain positive relationships and learn from their examples.

Applying positivity to your own situation Getting Our Hearts Right What has helped you be more positive in your relationships?

Changed hearts activate loving responses—but it often takes effort over time to get our hearts right. Getting Our Hearts Right

Conclusion: Knowledge + Skills + Right Heart = Better Relationships Getting Our Hearts Right

Getting Our Three Keys to Better Relationships Hearts Right