‘ TW Training Works’ for ADR & Dispute Resolution Barcelona Presentation ‘Managing High Conflict & Emotion’ & ‘The Power of Apology’ Tony Whatling M.Sc. CQSW MCOM

‘TW Training Works’ Managing High Conflict – PP 1 What the presentation will cover (1) 1.Some typical conflict definitions 2.‘Life scripts’ & cultural ‘conflict ideologies’ 3.Conflict as a positive force 4.Common human emotions & needs in conflict 5.Mediation practice - attitudes and responses to conflict

‘TW Training Works’ Managing High conflict PP 2 What the presentation will cover (2) 1.Physiological responses to conflict - implications for mediation 2.How to manage conflict in mediation 3.“How goes the pre-mediation – is how goes the mediation”

‘TW Training Works’ Managing High Conflict PP3 What the presentation will cover (3) 1.Screening for safe mediation practice – some useful questions and techniques 2.Managing conflict in the joint meeting – some strategies 3.What to do if it gets to boiling point

‘ TW Training Works’ Managing High Conflict PP 4 Some typical conflict definitions: 1.‘A struggle over values & claims to scarce resources, in which the aim of the opponents is to neutralise, injure or eliminate their rivals’ ( Coser 1986) 2.‘A process that originates when one individual perceives that another part has frustrated or is about to frustrate, some goal or concern of his or hers’ (Thomas (1976) 3.‘Conflict is an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards & interference from the other party in achieving their goals’ (Bosisoff & Victor 1989)

‘TW Training Works’ Managing High conflict PP 5 ‘Life scripts’ & cultural ‘conflict-ideologies’ 1.We all develop personal ‘life-scripts’ about conflict 2.Conflict is universal 3.Question is not whether conflict exists but how it can be made constructive

‘TW Training Works’ Managing High conflict PP 6 Some mediator assumptions about conflict 1.conflict is inevitable 2.conflict creates energy - to move from one position to another and is part of a process of transition 3.conflict can bring about change 4.there is more potential for positive change where there is anger than where there is the helplessness and hopelessness of depression 5.conflict is the ‘stock in trade’ of the mediator we must therefore learn to respond to its signals

‘TW Training Works’ Managing High conflict PP 7 Common human emotions & needs in conflict & disputes 1.What are some typical human emotions when engaged in conflict? 2.What are some common human needs when engaged in conflict?

‘TW Training Works’ Managing High conflict PP 8 Mediator practice - attitudes and responses to conflict: 1.A historical perspective 2.‘Western individualist problem solving – settlement seeking ideology 3.The impact of the ‘Haynesian’ legacy 4.Steering into conflict & emotion – ‘if it is not part of the solution it is part of the problem’

‘TW Training Works’ Managing High conflict PP 9 Human physiological responses to conflict with implications for mediation. 1.Autonomic ‘Fight/Flight’ responses 2.Lower brain reacts with adrenalin or noradrenalin production 3.Higher brain engages with more rational capacity but may generate other hormones that feeds aself-reinforcing aggressive cycle

‘TW Training Works’ Managing High conflict PP 10 How to manage (not control) conflict 1.Screening for safe mediation practice – some useful questions and techniques: 2.Uncovering clients self-awareness 3.Pre-mediation 1-1 meeting – some useful questions over and above domestic abuse screening questions

TW Training Works’ Managing High conflict PP11 Some useful questions 1.What do you imagine will happen if you come to a joint session together? 2.Knowing yourself as well as you do – what might you do that will help the process? 3.Knowing yourself as well as you do what might you do to hinder the process?

TW Training Works’ Managing High conflict PP 12 Some useful questions Continued 1.Knowing the other as well as you do – what might they do that will help the process? 2.Knowing the other as well as you do what might they do to hinder the process? 3.What normally happens when you two disagree? 4.What does a typical argument sound/look like/end? 5.Does one of you always win or lose? 6.How would I know if you or they were not feeling safe? 7.What sort of ground-rules do you think might be needed to help it to stay constructive?

TW Training Works’ Managing High conflict PP 13 Ways to manage conflict 1.The parties are responsible for their own dispute, their own conflict and their own behaviour 2.The mediator is responsible for managing the process and the environment in such a way as allows this to happen 3.We are responsible TO and not FOR 4.Most people want to settle a dispute and are willing to negotiate – it is a question of ‘how’ and ‘when’, not ‘whether’ 5.Poor communication in disputes commonly leads to conflict. 6.If this is not managed it can lead to frustration and anger – the conflict manages the process rather than the other way around

TW Training Works’ Managing High conflict PP 14 Ways to manage conflict – Cont. 1.Use a calm, confident, jargon free mediator style 2.Make clear at the start the mediator manages process 3.Establishing ground rules – e.g. when one person speaks the others listen without interruption 4.Using core skills – attending, active listening, summarising, paraphrasing, understanding, acknowledging, clarifying

‘TW Training Works’ Managing High conflict PP 15 Ways to manage conflict – Cont. 1.Acknowledging strong feelings and positions whilst remaining impartial and non-judgemental 2.Reinforcing co-operative behaviour, highlighting common ground 3.Normalising conflict, assessing its value 4.Gaining attention. Calling time out 5.Requiring clients to be positively future focused

Interests: Needs: Positions: Moving from Position-led to Needs-led Negotiations The PIN Diagram – PP 16 Positions: