March and April Warm UPs  More sentences to correct…

Fossum English 10/12

Warm Up 52 March 22/23  carl waisted his 1 st year at college by not studying enough and spending to much time at parties

REVISED  Carl wasted his first year at college by studying too little and partying too much.

WU # 53 March 26/27  the reason they were so eager to sell tickets is because their trying to re-furbish the old gymnasium

Revised  They were so eager to sell tickets because they're trying to refurbish the old gymnasium.

WU#55 March 28/29  there is a desire on the part of many of us to maintain a Spring Recess for the purpose of getting away from the demands of our Studies

Avoid Clichés and Bloated Writing  2e.nelson.com/includes/HED/buscomm/P DF/Module21.PDF 2e.nelson.com/includes/HED/buscomm/P DF/Module21.PDF

Much Better  We want a spring recess so we can get away from our studies. OR  We want a spring recess to escape our studies.

WU #56 April 10/11 by changing the oil every three thousand miles the car was kept in excellent condition

Revised for dangling modifier  Changing the oil every 3,000 miles, we kept the car in excellent condition.

WU #57 April 12/13  he was really late to his English class due to the fact that he had to finish his Math test

Revising for “bloat”  He was late for English because he had to finish his math test.

Bloated Expressions To Avoid  At this point in time...“  Meaning: Now.  "It would be appreciated if...“  Meaning: Please.  "In the month of December..."  Meaning: In December.  "It has come to my attention that..."  Meaning: Whatever comes after "that."  "In the eventuality that..."  Meaning: If.  "At the present time...“ Now…

More…Redundancies  "Bad mistakes"  Use mistakes. All mistakes are bad.  "My personal opinion is that..."  Use my opinion. All opinions are personal.  "Repeat again"  Use repeat. Repeat means to do again.  "Visible to the eye"  Use visible. Can anything be visible to anything but the eye?  "For the purpose of..."  Meaning: For.

Warm Up # 58 April 16/17 noone on this bus seem to know they’re way around this part of the city of new york

Revision  No one on this bus seems to know his or her way around this part of New York City.

Indefinite Pronoun agreement  No one (person)----has? vs. have? the answer  People have  Every body ----has? Or have? their or his?  Every (individual) body of us has his or her answer  All of us have  Any one will have their or his/her  Any one (person) will have his/her

WU #59 April 18/19  after reading the original study the article remains unconvincing

 After reading the original study, I remain unconvinced. (The article did not read the study; a person — I did.) Revision

WU #60 April 20/23 7 children were injured in the accident only one required hospitalizing

Revised for comma splice Seven children were injured in the accident; only one required hospitalization.

WU #61 April 24/25 do you want turkey spinach and cheese roast beef lettuce and cheese or ham tomato, and cheese asked jim

Use semi-colons between items on a list already separated by commas “Do you want turkey, spinach, and cheese ; roast beef, lettuce, and cheese ; or ham, tomato, and cheese?” asked Jim.

Add the Semi-colons  I cannot decide if I want my room to be green, brown, and purple green, black, and brown or green, brown, and dark red.

Semi-colons join items in lists  I cannot decide if I want my room to be green, brown, and purple ; green, black, and brown ; or green, brown, and dark red.

WU #62 April 26/27 atticus didn't want scout to fight, however she could not ignore injustices

Correcting comma splice Atticus didn’t want Scout to fight; however, he knew she could not ignore injustices.

WU #63 3 reasons why some students drop out of college are problems of to much parting and if they run out of money and if they can’t meet deadlines

 Three reasons why some students drop out of college are problems of to o much part y ing, and if they run out of money and if they can’t meet deadlines

Revising for Better Parallelism Some college students drop out because of academic, financial, or time management problems.

Warm Up #64 May 2 nd /3rd  of the 5 stages of tradegy that artistotle said there is included a stage where a character will make a error in judgement based on them having a tragic flaw

Revised  One of Aristotle’s five stages of tragedy includes a character whose tragic flaw causes him to make an error in judgment.  Aristotle’s five stages of tragedy include a character whose tragic flaw causes him to make an error in judgment.

WU #65 May 4/7th macbeth the thane of glamis finds out that he has been promoted to thane of cawdor, this makes him think about the other witches prophecy

appositive  Macbeth, the Thane of Glamis, becomes Macbeth, the Thane of Cawdor.  An appositive is a noun or noun phrase that renames another noun right beside it. The appositive can be a short or long combination of words. Look at these examples:nounnoun phrase  The insect, a tiny ant, is crawling across the desk.

Revised  Macbeth, the Thane of Glamis, finds out that he has been promoted to Thane of Cawdor ; this makes him consider the witches’ other prophecy.  Not the other witch’s prophecy  Nor the other witches prophecy

WU #66 May 8 th /9th  In macbeth a play by shakespeare you realize that the witches are being used by him to control the fate of the characters

the fix….  In macbeth a play by shakespeare you realize that the witches are being used by him to control the fate of the characters  Do NOT EVER use YOU in an essay

WU #66 Revised  Shakespeare uses the witches in Macbeth to control the fate of his characters.

WU #67 May 10/11th  writers should spend a great deal of time thinking about their arguments to make sure they are not superficia l.

Revision: two possibilities  Writers should spend a great deal of time thinking about their arguments to make sure that those arguments are not superficial.  Even better:  Writers should ensure that their arguments are truly authentic.

WU # 68 May 14/15  In 1605 king james survives a assassination attempt which was the inspiration for Shakespeare to write Macbeth

Revised for consistency in tense, nominalization  In 1605 King James survived an assassination attempt, which inspired Shakespeare to write Macbeth.

WU #69 May 16/17  throughout the year we have corrected sentences for nominalizations; tense consistencies; pronoun agreement errors, if they are punctuated improperly and use of numbers in sentences

Better  Throughout the year we have corrected sentences for errors of nominalizations, tense consistency, pronoun agreement, punctuation, and numbers.

 Throughout the year we have looked at the following errors in sentences: nominalizations; tense consistency; pronoun agreement; punctuation; and use of numbers in sentences

high school students face a double challenge in applying to college, they are often required to have extra curricular leadership experience in addition to high grades and SAT scores

 High school students face a double challenge in applying to college ; they are often required to have extra curricular leadership experience, in addition to high SAT scores.