Read assignment carefully/listen in class— many points were missed needlessly Revise writing rather than edit writing—if the only changes made were items Miller corrected or commented upon, the assignment was probably edited not revised Know that writing is hard work—it requires hard work, and sometimes “good” stuff must be removed

2 nd person (no you, your, yourself) Contractions (do not use them in formal writing) Word choice (attempt action verbs and avoid words like “good,” “bad,” “thing” Tense shift (usually writing should be consistently in one tense—for the most part, select a tense, either past or present is often appropriate, and stick with it

Run-on sentences Pronoun/antecedent agreement errors Be verbs

Although the assignment clearly stated that the revision was worth the same amount of points as the selection, research, and commentary regarding one trait and three grammatical concerns, it seems apparent most students took the revision more seriously than the other half of the assignment.

Several students selected run-on sentences as a concern and discussed them using run-on sentences Several students used “you” as they discussed writing without using second person Several students used contractions as they suggested they needed to avoid contractions.

Writing is hard work—addressing everything at once is overwhelming, thus the assignment to focus on one trait and three grammatical concerns As a class, we will look at three concerns: run-on sentences, pronoun/antecedent agreement, and be verbs.

Run-on sentences generally occur when a writer separates two (or more) independent clauses with a comma (or commas).

 Clause: a group of words with a subject and a verb  Dependent (aka subordinate) clause: a clause that can not stand alone as a sentence (contains a subject and a verb but not a complete thought)  Independent clause: a clause that can stand alone as a sentence (complete thought)

 Simple sentence: a sentence containing only one independent clause  Compound sentence: a sentence containing two or more independent clauses

 Complex sentence: a sentence containing one independent clause and at least one dependent clause  Compound/complex sentence: a sentence containing at least one dependent clause and two (or more) independent clauses

 Two independent clauses may be written as two separate sentences— utilize a period and a capital letter to correct

 Two independent clauses may be divided with a comma and a coordinating conjunction (and, but, so, etc.)

 Two independent clauses may be separated by a semicolon.

 Two independent clauses may be separated by semicolon, a conjunctive adverb (however, therefore, moreover, nonetheless, etc.), and a comma

 Two independent clauses may be separated by a colon if the first introduces a second clause which modifies the first.  This usage occurs infrequently—do not force!

Potterphiles study the books like it is their job and all of them wish it was. Correction: Potterphiles study the books like it is their job, and all of them wish it was. (other concern: their is plural; job is singular; two be verbs)

Potterphiles study the books like it is their job and all of them wish it was. Other than a comma before and, how might this run-on sentence be corrected.

Second, I have had that same phone for about a year and a half and I started to get tired of my phone. How to correct? Other concerns?

A pronoun must agree with its antecedent (the word it replaces) in number and gender

Any punk girl would fall in love with this skirt at first sight as soon as they saw it in Hottopic. Correction? Other concerns?

If a defender loses their man the other team might score, if a forward decides to walk back the forward may not get a break away that might conclude in a goal otherwise. Correction? Other concerns?

Be verbs (when used properly) are grammatically correct; however, in general, they create weaker prose than action verbs. Be verbs also cause redundancy. Be verbs do not need to be eliminated but most likely reduced in number. If 75% of your verbs are be verbs, try to reduce it to 50%. If 50% of your verbs are be verbs, try to reduce it to 25%.

Every minute of every day, God is there to help me with my problems or just listen to me when I need someone to talk to; He is an amazing listener. Improvement? Other concerns?

Now the monster is ready to begin its day of basketball and school work. Improvement? Other concerns?

Students should not be discouraged. The previous slides address mistakes and concerns. However, the revisions reflected many positive changes as well. Some students obviously carefully considered a trait and three grammatical errors and thoughtfully commented on future improvement.

The monster stumbles out of the square doorway to his cave and stomps upstairs to the kitchen. (nice verbs and sound and visual imagery!) Despite his best efforts to irritate the world, the plentiful energy bundled in his tiny body provides an excellent antidote to gloomy days. (nice phrasing and word choice)

 Adventure, romance, and excitement outline pages of a novel for people to solve the unfinished mysteries left by the author, writing endings they find satisfying. (thoughtful)  The Triumphant Toe Tale (alliterative title)

 Of the different genres of writing, suspense and adventure novels reign superior. (nice verb)  Pushing my sunglasses back from the tip of my sunscreen drenched nose, I spread my cozy butterfly printed towel upon the comforting sand. (nice images—compound adjectives do need to be hyphenated)

 The Trait that I need to improve on most is word choice. Word choice is the use of rich, colorful, precise language in your writing. To improve my word choice I could use a thesaurus. I could also make a list of boring words and try not to use them (despite the grammatical errors and use of second person, the commentary is thoughtful and poses a plan for improvement)

 I can improve my conventions by going over my paper thoroughly. If I decide to make a change, I should read through eh sentence or phrase to make sure everything is right. Also, if another person revised and edited my paper, I would have fewer mistakes (thoughtful—others should edit but never revise!)