PHASE IV: Boundaries for Peers Photo by US Department of Education on Flickr

Boundaries for Peers To engage HOPE Squad students in acknowledging, understanding and practicing setting appropriate boundaries. Copyright © Huds LLC

Increase awareness of different types of boundaries. Understand how to set clear and appropriate boundaries. Gain skills necessary to maintain healthy boundaries with peers. Copyright © Huds LLC Objectives

Discussion What are boundaries? How do you know if you have crossed someone's boundaries? How might it feel to have someone else cross your boundaries? Why should you establish clear boundaries as a HOPE Squad member? Copyright © Huds LLC

Why Set Boundaries? Establishing physical, social and emotional boundaries help us to judge what is acceptable and unacceptable in our social interactions. Without boundaries, our lives and relationships would be chaotic. Establishing healthy boundaries allows people to feel secure, in control on a situation and safe. Copyright © Huds LLC

Types of Boundaries Physical Emotional Social Copyright © Huds LLC

Boundaries for Peers Physical Boundaries Physical boundaries include "personal space" or the distance we feel comfortable allowing others to occupy as we communicate with them. The more we trust others the closer we allow them to physically approach us. Example: Best friends tend to sit close, share almost anything, while classmates sit further away and share less personal space. Copyright © Huds LLC

Boundaries for Peers Emotional boundaries Emotional boundaries determine how much and what personal information people share within a relationship. The more intimate the relationship, the more personal information we share. Example: Best friends tell each other everything, while classmates may only talk about school matters. Copyright © Huds LLC

Boundaries for Peers Social Boundaries Social boundaries are defined by the roles, norms and customs which describe appropriate types of behavior. Laws govern social boundaries, preventing inappropriate behaviors for certain types of social interaction. For example, it is not appropriate to use the bathroom of the opposite sex. Copyright © Huds LLC

How to Set Healthy Boundaries Copyright © Huds LLC Check your personal engine light Ground yourself as preparation for maintaining boundaries Notice the people and places that tend to drain you

How to Set Healthy Boundaries Copyright © Huds LLC Check Your Personal Engine Light Think about how you feel when you’re around someone who drains you and upsets you. How does this feel in your body? How does it feel in your mind? How does the presence of this person affect you?

How to Set Healthy Boundaries Copyright © Huds LLC Check Your Personal Engine Light Think of these feelings and sensations, and imagine that your body is like a car, with a dashboard full of warning lights. You’ve just identified what is called the “check engine light” for your personal boundary system. It’s a security system warning that your personal energy field has been breached, and you’re letting in stuff that isn’t yours.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries Copyright © Huds LLC Ground Yourself Grounding is similar to the way a tree sinks its roots to stay secure in a storm. It’s the first tool in creating healthy boundaries—nurturing a connection with ourselves, our centers. Our root system is both our anchor and our boundary system. It keeps us from being blown about in other people’s winds. It gives us a way to focus and still be ourselves to connect with our heart and our intuition. That’s what keeps us steady and connected and focused.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries Copyright © Huds LLC Ground Yourself There are as many ways to ground oneself. One way is to take five minutes to meditate and actually imagine your root system connecting into the earth, like a giant oak tree. Try different ways—you’ll find the one that works for you!

How to Set Healthy Boundaries Copyright © Huds LLC Notice the people and places that tend to drain you Before entering those places or exposing yourself to those people, take a few minutes to imagine blowing a bubble of protective energy around you. Think of it as a space that will only allow love and positivity inside it, deflecting anything else. Really see it and really feel the force of it around you. Then recognize what you need to do to maintain that space. These three steps will help you create and maintain healthy boundaries. Building boundaries is like any muscle or practice—the more you work with it, the better it serves you!

Review & Discussion What are boundaries? How do you know if you have crossed someone's boundaries? How might it feel to have someone else cross your boundaries? Why should you set clear limitations and expectations as a HOPE Squad member? Copyright © Huds LLC

Boundaries for Peers Scenario 1 Jamaal, a HOPE Squad member, has been helping a student get through a difficult time by talking, texting and posting uplifting comments on Facebook. Recently the student starting calling him late at night needing to talk. Jacob feels an obligation to help the student but the late night phone calls are leaving him feeling sluggish, tired and unable to focus on his school work. Copyright © Huds LLC

Boundaries for Peers Have Jamaal’s boundaries been crossed? What should he do? How might he prevent this from happening again? How should he handle the situation if it happens again? Would it be appropriate to talk with a HOPE Squad advisor or trusted adult about this situation? Copyright © Huds LLC Discussion Copyright © Huds LLC

Boundaries for Peers Scenario 2 Sariah is new to HOPE Squads and has befriended a student who seems to not have any friends. She sits with the student during every lunch period. A few weeks into school the student revealed that he has a crush on her and wants to be more than friends. Copyright © Huds LLC

Boundaries for Peers Discussion Have Sariah’s boundaries been crossed? How can Sariah tell him she is not interested without hurting his feelings or making him feel embarrassed? What are some responses you could use to set healthy boundaries? How might you maintain healthy boundaries the next time you sit next to him during lunch? Copyright © Huds LLC

Boundaries for Peers Copyright © Huds LLC Establishing clear limits and respecting others’ boundaries means understanding the differences between what is mine and what is someone else’s, what I have control over and what I don’t, and respecting others privacy, but not keeping deadly secrets. BOUNDARIES = BALANCE Copyright © Huds LLC

Discussion & Questions Copyright © Huds LLC