Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 Communication Last time, we looked at pushing and pulling in relation to your own communication skills. Today. Id like to delve a little deeper into this. Lets start by asking - Why might just being yourself not be enough when you are trying to communicate with others?

Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 OK – so there are a number of reasons why you might have to be aware of your communication style, and know when to use different parts of your communication skills. One of these is the fact that you are always dealing with real people – and all people are different! Going back to the meeting scenario – please write down one-word descriptions of the types of people you might have attending a meeting:

Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 Why are people sometimes seen to be difficult?

Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 There are certain points to remember when communicating with difficult people: 1.They are difficult because of the attitude or approach they adopt in their dealings with you. Its not that they are difficult with you – theyre probably difficult with everyone. 2.As a result of 1 – DONT TAKE IT PERSONALLY! 3.The art is to be able to recognise their difficultness and use the correct approach to counter-act it rather than to try and change them. 4.If you get one over on them – everyone loses. But if you get to a satisfactory conclusion for everyone – then everyone wins. At all times – go for the win-win.

Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 Id like to suggest 6 different ways of categorising people for which you might have to make a conscious effort to change your approach: 1.Mr or Mrs Shouter(or Angry) - we looked at him/her last time 2.Mr or Mrs Talkative 3.Mr or Mrs Rude 4.Mr or Mrs Inquisitive 5.Mr or Miss Shy 6.Mr or Mrs Well-balanced (Thats all of us of course!) Well now go on to look at these individually, and consider how to recognise them and how best to deal with them.

Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 Mr Shouter How do you recognise this person? How should you handle him or her for a win-win?

Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 Avoid the temptation to shout or argue back – this will only fan the flames Our natural tendency might be to grovel to Mr Shouter, trying to win them over by being overly nice. The way to gain the win-win will be: Stay cool & calm and apologise for any specific inconvenience if it is your fault – and take immediate action to put it right – TELL THEM WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND WHY Remember to PULL – ask questions! Dealing with Mr or Mrs Shouter

Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 Mr Talkative How do you recognise this person? How should you handle him or her for a win-win?

Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 What would be the effect of trying to bully this person to shut up? The way to gain the win-win will be: Use your best listening skills to spot gaps in his or her conversation flow – and go for that gap Ask a question in that gap – and what type of question will ensure that they cannot rabbit on? Dealing with Mr or Mrs Talkative

Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 Mr Rude How do you recognise this person? How should you handle him or her for a win-win?

Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 Remember – Mr. Rude is rude with everyone – and their goal in life is to get people riled. If they manage to wind you up – then they feel that they have won – and its a win-lose for them. Most important – DONT TAKE IT PERSONALLY Admit defeat in so far as you cannot stop them being rude (give me the child until he is 7 and I will give you the man – so trying to change them in a 1hr meeting will be impossible) The way to gain the win-win will be: Ignore the rudeness, stay calm and avoid getting riled. Keep to a calm & steady tone – avoid being sarcastic in tone & manner This will lead to them thinking theyve got a win –and you knowing that youve got a win by handling them correctly – a win-win situation. Dealing with Mr or Miss Rude

Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 Mr Inquisitive How do you recognise this person? How should you handle him or her for a win-win?

Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 Mr inquisitive is the suspicious type – always out to catch people out. Their mission is to catch other people out so that their own lack of knowledge / understanding is not highlighted. Their persistence is meant to rattle people, and they will repeat questions to delve for contradictions. The way to gain the win-win will be: Be patient – and use your listening skills to ensure that you have an understanding of the discussions that have taken place. ALWAYS STICK TO THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU DO HAVE – if you dont know the answers, tell them that you will find out. Finish be asking – Is that OK? or something similar. NEVER try and fabricate an answer. Dealing with Mr or Miss Inquisitive

Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 Shy How do you recognise this person? How should you handle him or her for a win-win?

Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 The natural response with someone who is very quiet is to talk a lot to them – but what effect does this have? Remember – they may be quiet – but they may also have the best ideas! The way to gain the win-win will be: Asking OPEN QUESTIONS. What do you think George? / Whats your opinion on that Jane? etc Draw them into the meeting & help them have their say. Dealing with Mr or Miss Shy

Wyn Owen – Adain 2003 That just leaves Mr or Mrs Well-balanced – which is us of course! A couple of points on this: Remember that in any meeting situation you are as important as all the other people there. Rember that we all have our good days and our off days Respect is the key – and even when you dont feel that you are being respected, avoid the temptation to fight back. (Remember the good teachers at school?) Always go for the WIN-WIN. NOW LET US LOOK AT SOME REAL SITUATIONS WHERE WEVE HAD COMMUNICATION ISSUES IN THE PAST. Well move over to a whiteboard for this.