Preventing Child Abuse Protective Behaviors Parent Outreach: Preventing Child Abuse Rob Seemann MSW 3005 S. Troutdale Rd. Troutdale, OR 97060 ph: 503-489-1881 email: robseemann@gmail.com http://www.protectivebehaviors.com

Protective Behaviors A message from children to parents

The PB Process - Themes The PB Process consists of two themes and five strategies (or steps) designed to encourage us to act on our feelings if we feel unsafe. Theme One: We all have the right to feel safe all of the time… and others have the right to feel safe with us. Theme Two: We can talk with someone we trust about anything, no matter how awful or small.

The PB Process - Steps Step One: Step Two: Step Three: Step Four: Talk about feeling safe, adventurous and unsafe. Step Two: Identify early warning signs. Step Three: Encourage talk about feelings. Step Four: Create a network. Step Five: Persist until early warnings signs go away.

The PB Process – Step One Safe, Adventurous, Unsafe As children, we learn to identify the difference between the excitement of adventure and the bitter taste of danger. We agree that it is important to understand that as we grow older, the situations in which we become involved will change, but our right to feel safe will not. There is a big difference between healthy excitement and being frightened more than we want to be. Safe Adventurous As children, we learn to identify the difference between the excitement of adventure and the bitter taste of danger. We agree that it is important to understand that as we grow older, the situations in which we become involved will change, but our right to feel safe will not. There is a big difference between healthy excitement and being frightened more than we want to be. Unsafe

The PB Process – Step Two Early Warning Signs (EWS) What our bodies say: How does it feel when we know we are safe vs. when we know we are in danger? Our bodies don’t lie. Because we are children, we are able to learn quickly to identify and trust our feelings. Paying attention to our EWS helps us to protect ourselves. We need to identify and trust our feelings. “There are butterflies in my stomach!” “My heart is beating so fast!” “My knees are so wobbly!” “My mouth is so dry!” We talk about how it feels when we know we are in danger as compared to when we are safe, and tat helps us to recognize our Early Warning Signs or EWS. You see, our bodies don’t lie; our minds can play tricks on us, but not our bodies. Our internal physical sensations or EWS go off, just like a red police light. When this happens, our bodies’ warning systems are trying to tell us maybe we are not safe. However, it makes sense to take a deep breath and ask, “Do I have a choice here? Am I in charge/control? Will there be an end to feeling scared?” Because we are children, we are able to learn quickly to identify and trust our feelings. Paying attention to our EWS helps us to protect ourselves.

Always trust your instincts The PB Process – Step Three Encourage Talk About Feelings An important part of trusting our feelings means that it’s okay to share feelings. “Sometimes I feel scared when I’m alone…but talking to an adult who I trust helps me feel safe again.” “Encouraging us to talk about our feelings helps us feel safe again.” Always trust your instincts

The PB Process – Step Four Aunt Mary Networking Music Teacher Just as we share our – day at school, day at the zoo, or day at Grandma’s we are encouraged to “share” feelings with adults – especially our Early Warning Signs. Name at least four adults other than those at home whom they can trust. My Clergy Police Joey’s Mom My Teacher Everybody should try to name at least four adults besides the people at home whom they can trust. We feel comfortable talking to these adults about anything. Sometimes we call this our “helping hand.” These four people become an important personal network who help take away our fears. This helps us feel safe once again. Uncle Jim Older Sister Caution: Some of the people shown may NOT be worthy of your trust – they may even be part of the problem. Select your network with care. Grandma

The PB Process – Step Four Networking Music Teacher Aunt Mary My Clergy Police _________, if I wasn’t feeling safe, or if I wanted to talk with you about something wonderful, would you be willing to be one of my network people; someone I trust that I could talk with? Joey’s Mom My Teacher Uncle Jim Older Sister Grandma

Ask yourself, “Are these people I can trust?” The PB Process – Step Four This is my Network – My “Helping Hand” Ask yourself, “Are these people I can trust?” Piano Teacher Mary’s Mom School Counselor Uncle Joe Mom, Dad, Grandma

The PB Process – Step Five Persistence When we learn to ride a bicycle, we keep trying until we succeed – this is persistence. Persist in talking to as many people in your network as it takes for you to feel safe again; until your EWS go away. When we are learning to ride a bicycle, we keep trying and trying until we succeed. That is called persistence. What could we do when we don’t feel safe and our EWS are bothering us? We can speak out for ourselves until someone does something to help us feel safe. We will know we are safe when our EWS go away. That may mean we have to talk to more than one adult in our network. Sometimes we need to go to ALL of the people in our network before we feel safe! This is called persistence too – just like learning how to ride a bike.

Proactive Problem Solving The PB Process Proactive Problem Solving (creating “if” situations, and providing “then” solutions) Having a Plan What if … I’m locked out at home I’m lost in store My ride doesn’t show up My friend’s shoplifting Family adults are fighting Someone bully’s me I’m approached by stranger False alarms I’m touched in way that feels uncomfortable An adult needs emergency help

Family Plan Strategies The PB Process Family Plan Strategies Now take the “IF” list and provide “THEN” Solutions “IF” I get locked out at home, “THEN” I go to Mrs. Johnson’s next door, or Call dad at work, or Call Aunt Becky who has an extra key

Teach the “First Rule of Safety” The PB Process Teach the “First Rule of Safety” WHERE WHO WHEN

The Child Should Know at all Times… The PB Process The Child Should Know at all Times… Their telephone number Their address Their parent(s) work number How to reach you or someone you trust

Protective Behaviors Checklist The PB Process Protective Behaviors Checklist Early Warning Signs Network Even if’s… First Rule of Safety

What if My Child is Sexually Abused? The PB Process What if My Child is Sexually Abused? Take them seriously Get professional help

Children are strong and smart and have the right to feel safe. The PB Process Children are strong and smart and have the right to feel safe.

Thank you for empowering children to stay safe! Protective Behaviors Thank you for empowering children to stay safe! Rob Seemann 3005 S. Troutdale Rd. Troutdale, OR 97060 ph: 503-489-1881 email: robseemann@gmail.com http://www.protectivebehaviors.com