Thesis practice samples Compare & contrast 2 early river- valley civilizations: Egypt Mesopotamia Indus Valley

Early river valley civilizations have both similarities & differences Early river valley civilizations have both similarities & differences. Both have rivers, however they differ in many aspects. NO thesis: Too vague NO reference to which civilizations are to be written about No demonstration of an ability to set up an essay with definite understanding of the processes related to the prompt Does recognize the time period from the prompt, however insignificant, but it does play a role in writing a proper thesis

Egypt & Mesopotamia have both similarities & differences Egypt & Mesopotamia have both similarities & differences. Both early river valley civilizations have similar origins, however aspects differ in many ways. NO thesis: Same reasons as last slide even though the writer acknowledges the chosen civilizations and time time period

Egypt & Mesopotamia have both similarities & differences Egypt & Mesopotamia have both similarities & differences. Both early river valley civilizations have similar environmental origins, however aspects such as religion, economics, and politics developed differently in each civilization. Thesis…this demonstrates an ability to set the essay up for success based on an understanding of 4 processes (P E R S I A N, specifically shown on the next slide). NO similarities to this statement.

Egypt & Mesopotamia have both similarities & differences Egypt & Mesopotamia have both similarities & differences. Both early river valley civilizations have similar environmental origins, however aspects differ such as religion, economics, and politics developed differently in each civilization. See the processes acknowledged?

Early river valley civilizations of Egypt & Mesopotamia have both similarities & differences. Both early river valley civilizations have similar environmental origins as agricultural societies, however aspects differ such as religion, like Egyptian pharaoh’s claim to divinity and the Mesopotamian fear of gods. Economics was an area of difference, especially when it came to merchant control and the amount of distance trade. Each civilization developed different politically, as in regards to rights related to gender and property. Nice thesis: Time era acknowledged from the prompt Similarities AND differences introduced specifically Processes introduced Processes developed w/ quick, sub-process references

Egypt & Mesopotamia have both similarities & differences Egypt & Mesopotamia have both similarities & differences. Both civilizations have similar environmental origins as river valley societies, however aspects differ such as religion, like Egyptian pharaoh’s claim to divinity and the Mesopotamian fear of gods. This fear of the gods probably existed because floods of Mesopotamia were unpredictable, unlike Egypt’s floods that followed cycles. Economics was an area of difference, especially when it came to merchant control and the amount of distance trade. Each civilization developed different politically, as in regards to rights related to gender and property. The power of this 80+ word thesis illustrates: two or more processes (religion, economics, politics) Quick, specific references to show understanding of similarities & differences related to the processes AND higher level analysis that exemplifies what an historian would do with the EVIDENCE…to hypothesize or explain why some similarities or differences occurred.