Negotiation Skills for Women Knowing what you want and how to go get it!

Everyday you negotiate! Even if you don’t think about it that way – you still negotiate throughout your day No one is born a skilled negotiator – it takes practice Remember: Everything is negotiable Female vs Male negotiation styles do differ There are resources to help you learn to negotiate confidently You can overcome the common mistakes made in negotiating

Why don’t we negotiate? We don’t want to offend We want/need to be friends with everyone It upsets the balance Hard to separate personal vs business We don’t want to disagree Concerned what others think Question our own value; Am I worth it?

Everything is negotiable Almost everything is life is negotiable if you see it that way Opportunities to negotiate exist in almost every interaction You’re probably better at it than you think! Can I have an ice cream mum? Let’s go to the coast for Christmas I’d rather you had an apple I take it you mean the Gold Coast?

Female vs Male Negotiation Styles Do any of these sound familiar? Not asking for what you want for fear of damaging a relationship Being hesitant about saying no because you’d like to keep everyone happy Having much greater success at negotiating for someone else than your self Getting flustered and emotional if a negotiation gets heated Thinking the louder, tougher or smarter you are the better your chance at negotiation success

Men & Women have different negotiation styles Women value relationships over outcome Men leverage relationships to achieve goals Women make decisions based on what they feel they need rather than what they are worth Men are more likely to ask for what they want Women are more likely to wait to be recognised Men talk for longer and interrupt more often! Men use more direct language Men tend to display more confidence than women in performance oriented settings Women tend to set more modest goals

Handy female instincts Negotiation is about relationships….and girls are good at relationships! Perception is a stronger natural instinct in females than males Picking up non-verbal signals (body language) For the first 2 years or so females need to communicate with children who cannot use language Negotiation is ultimately an exercise in two-way communication Needs exist on both sides of the table Perspectives, ideas and feelings differ Shared understanding = mutual solutions

When is it worth it? While everything might be negotiable, you don’t want to negotiate about everything The key….. YOU decide what’s worth negotiating Identify & clarify your personal & professional goals If you’re heart’s not in it, you’re less likely to be successful

Dissection of a negotiation Negotiation is based on how important something is to two parties: yourself and the other negotiator Research is a critical yet hidden component Two-way communication process Demands & concessions (give and take) Precedents: what went before Experience: how often you’ve done this Personality traits and confidence Other parties: mediators, third-parties Outcomes: immediate and/or ongoing

Tips for stronger negotiation

10 steps before the conversation WHAT CONTENT Step 1 Ascertain the scope of the exchange Step 2 Determine the negotiation objectives Step 3 Examine suppositions of both parties Step 4 Collect relevant data Step 5 Identify issues, sticking points and trade-offs Step 6 Calculate preliminary bargaining position & ground rules PROCESS Step 7 Reveal other side’s needs & examine your own Step 8 Produce your overall bargaining strategy Step 9 Determine possible negotiating options: BATNA (see next) Step 10 Enter into negotiations

What is BATNA? Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement Draft in advance Think like the other party – what’s most important to them, where are they most likely to compromise Equally – what’s more important to you, where would you be willing to compromise to give the other party a ‘win’

Before the conversation 60% of the negotiation occurs before the conversation starts! The best negotiators do their pre-work meticulously

Preparation builds confidence Identify what it is you actually want Prepare your arguments in advance based on objective research Bring your notes in with you or send an agenda outlining your key points in advance In a business setting, try to tie your desired outcomes with the objectives of the team or company Not “ you say as a company that you respect work/life balance so give me a four day week” What would you say instead?

Think collaboration – Not confrontation Mutual goals or win-win Understand not just your needs but those of the other side Have pre-prepared your give and take What is a nice to have that you are prepared to compromise on if needed? Getting fired up and emotional can lead to an adverse outcome Challenges are predictable: anticipate how the other person/party is likely to react and think about specific ways to respond

Be Yourself! Common mistakes: Adopting a negotiation style that does not reflect who you are (one you are not comfortable with) People see through you if you’re trying to be something you are not (you will look weak) You can be quiet and calm but still be strong You can disagree politely (no need for aggression)

Engaging & gaining buy-in The best negotiations are exercises in two-way conversations Active listening, asking questions, reinforcing your desire for a mutually beneficial outcome Making sure the other party is being heard is a sign of respect Show appreciation for differences in perspective “let me clarify that I understand where you are coming from”

Avoiding clichés & disclaimers Don’t use jargon and clichés Table thumping and aggression rarely work and are just embarrassing “I think…”, “I feel…” are less forceful terms than “It’s clear that…” or “The market shows us that….”

Stay focused & on target Keep to the point – don’t deviate Ask for more time to consider if you need to You usually don’t have to make a decision to accept an offer immediately One conversation might not culminate in the final decision Remember - negotiation is a process

Seek a mentor Learn from someone who displays outstanding negotiation skills Use this as an opportunity to practice Role play your negotiations prior to conducting them Ask your mentor for objective feedback A little pep talk can do wonders for your confidence!

Common mistakes Not being willing to say no No is the most powerful word in negotiating! Successful negotiators know when & how to say no Prepare properly, know your options, be flexible and be realistic Remember that saying no isn’t personal You must be able to disagree rather than give in to something that is contrary to your interests but you can be flexible in how to satisfy your interests Not negotiating well when it’s for yourself Negotiate for yourself as if you were negotiating for someone else (your colleagues, your kids, your family)

Ask for It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want (Linda Babcock & Sara Laschever) www.careerwomen.com www.negotiations.com

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