Parenting After Divorce (Children can be okay – with work) Scott Baroway Mediation Partners 720-889-2808 Baroway@gmail.com

FOUNDATION TO SUCCESS Studies consistently show the measure of children’s adjustment to the divorce is directly related to the LEVEL OF CONFLICT BETWEEN THE PARENTS not the specific details of the parenting agreement. Conflict between the parents, even small conflict, is emotionally painful the children and will be carried by them for a long time. Children need: Parents continue to treat each the respectfully; Parents continue to consult with each other on disciplinary issues; Parents can have cordial social conversation with each other; Children are not used as messengers for parents; Parents to make real effort to comply with parenting time schedule, but Parents to be flexible with parenting time when needed due to kids schedule

Stages of Transition One Family to Two. One family—trust and respect Problems begin to develop in marriage Problems become severe Moving out by one party Off-the-wall – emotions run high Settling down – begin to see a new future Two families—new roles, new trust and respect

Telling The Children When to tell them What to tell them Depends on age of children For young children, a week or two before a parent moving out What to tell them Both parents will love and care for them It was a problem between the parents and not the children Do not share details of marital problems How to tell them As matter-of-factly as possible

What Children Need Children Can Be OK After Divorce Both parents in their lives Kept out of their parents’ conflict Love and guidance from as many people as possible Listened to and feelings respected Children Can Be OK After Divorce

How Children Show Stress Age inappropriate behaviors Acting younger Becoming an “adult” Interpersonal problems Fighting with other children Defiant towards parents/teachers Performance difficulties Failing in school Losing interest in activities Emotional distress Sadness Excessive worrying

What Parents Can Do Focus on the needs of their children Design creative, flexible child-rearing plans Remain partners in raising their children Follow basic parenting rules Get professional help when in doubt