Have you ever wondered? How do you take care of it when a girl is annoying you but you don’t want to be mean? What if your best friend is being really mean to you and he won’t admit it? What if you have a friend who is making you choose between her and another friend? What is the point of telling someone you’re mad at them? They’ll just make more fun of you or get even madder. I want to tell an adult this really big problem but I don’t want them to freak out.

Unintentional Bad Teasing Good Teasing Unintentional Bad Teasing Bad Teasing/ Bullying You feel liked by the person. You don’t feel that the person wants to put you down They will stop if you ask. You’re teased about something you’re insecure about. If you defend yourself, you’re “uptight” or threatened with ending the friendship. Relentless and public. The teaser doesn't know how you feel because you won’t tell them. Or They blow you off with, “I was just joking.” “You’re so sensitive!” Kids who abuse it Socially powerful we are seeing what they are actually doing and seeing someone’s embarrassment is someone else’ entertainment Putting someone in their place or reinforcing their position in the social hierarchy

Drama Vs. Bullying Bullying is using power or strength to make someone feel worthless. Usually defined as being one way and repeated. Drama is an exciting, unexpected, emotional series of events. Always defined as a conflict where both people are actively involved and not serious or hurtful. But drama can still be bullying but just called a different name.

SEAL STOP: Breathe, listen, and think when and where, now or later? EXPLAIN: What happened that you don’t like and what you want. AFFIRM: Affirm and acknowledge. LOCK: In the friendship, take a vacation or lock it out (as a last resort). REMEMBER: YOU PRACTICE AND PREPARE AND YOU KNOW ANY PART OF THIS YOU DO IS A SUCCESS!

Use SEAL When… Someone you used to be friends with brags and puts people down and your group is getting really tired of it. Your mom or dad jokes with one of their friends about something you feel sensitive about. Your friends ignore you. The person you like is nice in private but obnoxious to you in public.

Maya: I want to talk to you about you taking my phone. Jordan: You know I was just kidding! Maya: Taking my phone without telling me and then sending those texts to Will really embarrassed me. Jordan: You’re making such a big deal out of this! If you did it to me, I wouldn’t care! I would think it was funny!” Maya: You’re not me so you can’t tell me how I feel. Jordan: Fine, if you can’t take something so little as this, then we really don’t need to be friends. Maya: Friends have to be able to tell each other what they’re really thinking. Think about it and get back to me.

Did you hear what everyone is saying about you? Common responses: Disappear until graduation Immediately talk to whoever you can, go to FB, and check what people are saying. Plot with your friend about how to get back at the person who you think started it. Say, “Whatever, it’s not worth it.” But really worry about it a lot. Copyright 2012 RPW Inc.

Getting Control STOP: What is the messenger’s motivation? Your answer: “Thanks for telling me. Please don’t talk about this with others.” To the person--Explain: I hear that you’re talking X about me. I’m not asking to tell me if the gossip is true. I’m asking that if any part of it’s true that you stop. I know I can’t control what you do but I’m showing the respect to come to you face to face to ask what’s going on. There’s nothing going on. I have no idea what you’re talking about. Affirm/acknowledge: Ok-then I’d expect the things I’m hearing to end. But, If I did something that upset you I want to know. But if you’re mad at me, you have to tell me. Lock (if appropriate) We used to be good friends. If you ever want to talk about this, I’m here.

Here’s the SEAL I can’t control what he does. I’m not going to go back at him because that’s exactly what he wants me to do. (Can’t say, I’m not going to be so immature, pathetic, stupid etc.) I’ve told him to stop. It’s up to him. I hope you’ll back me up by not talking about/forwarding it. Copyright 2012 RPW Inc.

Mark: Forwarding those pictures of Michael was messed up. Andy: No it wasn’t! It was amazing! Mark: You know he was really mad. Andy: No I don’t! If he was so freaked out why didn’t he say anything? Mark: Because than you would make fun of him even more. Andy: I wouldn’t mind if he did it to me. And you laughed just as much as I did. Mark: I’m not proud of this but I laughed because I was nervous. All I’m asking is you lay off. And it bothered him and that’s what matters. Andy: Fine I’ll back off but you do realize how gay you’re being about this whole thing right? Mark: Right, I’m gay because I want you to stop making a kid miserable. Whatever. They go back to the game.

vs. Telling because the problem is too big to solve on your own. Snitching Reporting Telling because the problem is too big to solve on your own. The goal is to right a wrong. Telling to get someone in trouble. The goal is to make the problem bigger and more public. vs.

Finding My Ally Qualities I’m looking for in an ally include: 1. Opinionated but not judgmental 2. Honest 3. Reliable

Finding My Ally My top 3 choices for an ally are: 1. 2. 3.

Stop:. Claire thinks about where to confront Gabby Stop: Claire thinks about where to confront Gabby. She knows they both usually get to school a little early. Explain: “Gabby, we used to sit together all the time. But when the other girls are there, you say inside jokes and you roll your eyes whenever I say anything. If I eat with you I don’t want you to make me feel like you don’t want be there.” “You’re the one who’s sitting with us! It’s not like anyone’s forcing you!” Affirm/Acknowledge: “I realize I haven’t been giving you enough space and we don’t have to be friends like we used to. But you can’t keep me guessing about how you’re going to treat me every day. Fine! I’m sorry! Lock (vacation): I don’t want you to apologize if you don’t mean it. So I’m not going to sit with you for awhile.

My Relationship Rights List the three rights that are most important to you in a relationship or friendship. 1. 2. 3.

My Deal Breakers List three ways that someone could treat you where you would consider ending the friendship/relationship. 1. 2. 3.

Getting It Right Include others Stand up for others Admit mistakes Treat people with dignity when they’re angry Apologize sincerely