Staff Development Conflict Transformation Christine L. Whitley

Last workshop… The link between your perceptions and your quality of life (coping with anxiety) Recommendations to enjoy even more your job just questioning your perceptions!

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To feel part of a larger whole Follows many of the same laws that govern the perception of objects What we know and expect about the world explain the causes of behavior tendency to think, feel, or act positively or negatively toward objects in our environment Schemas about entire groups of people

Outline for this session  Why do we need conflicts?  What are the hidden potentials of conflicts?  How to use conflict efficiently?

Why do we need conflicts?  A condition that exits when two sets of demands, goals or motives are incompatible. (Dubrin 2005)  “ [In] finding constructive responses to violent conflict, I became increasingly convinced that much of what I was doing was seeking constructive change.” John Paul Lederach

Why do we need conflicts? By Louis KriesbergLouis Kriesberg High costs in time, money, resources, energy, etc. Attention! Attention! Transforming the conflict does not mean “to win the battle faster”.

What are the hidden potentials of conflicts?  The personal dimension You as a person (cognition, beliefs, perceptions, opinions, memories…)  The relational dimension The relationship (emotions, power, and interdependence, and the communicative and interactive aspects)  The structural dimension social, economic, and institutional relationships to meet basic human needs and provide access to resources and decision-making  The cultural dimension Learned and shared system of knowledge, beliefs, values, attitudes and norms (Dubrin, 2005)

Drive Reduction Theory

Why do we need conflicts?  Frustration  Frustration signals the error in the trial-and-error process by which we dialectically adjust our perspectives to external powers and potentialities  When progress toward a goal is blocked and the underlying tension unresolved, we speak of frustration.

Survival

What are the hidden potentials of conflicts?  problem solving problem solving  negotiation negotiation  mediation mediation  conciliation  creative problem-solving  increased dialoguedialogue  and nonviolent mechanisms of social change

You or me? Can I win or would I loose? What is my attitude? What do I risk?

How to use conflict efficiently?  Don’t try to solve the conflict  Try to understand the underlying frustrations

How to use conflict efficiently?  empathic listening: observations feelings needs requests  honestly expressing: observations feelings needs requests

How do you feel? AFRAID apprehensive dread foreboding frightened mistrustful panicked petrified scared suspicious terrified wary worried ANNOYED aggravated dismayed disgruntled displeased exasperated frustrated impatient irritated irked ANGRY enraged furious incensed indignant irate livid outraged resentful AVERSION animosity appalled contempt disgusted dislike hate horrified hostile repulsed CONFUSED ambivalent baffled bewildered dazed hesitant lost mystified perplexed puzzled torn DISCONNECTED alienated aloof apathetic bored cold detached distant distracted indifferent numb removed uninterested withdrawn DISQUIET agitated alarmed discombobulated disconcerted disturbed perturbed rattled restless shocked startled surprised troubled turbulent turmoil uncomfortable uneasy unnerved unsettled upset EMBARRASSED ashamed chagrined flustered guilty mortified self-conscious FATIGUE beat burnt out depleted exhausted lethargic listless sleepy tired weary worn out PAIN agony anguished bereaved devastated grief heartbroken hurt lonely miserable regretful remorseful SAD depressed dejected despair despondent disappointed discouraged disheartened forlorn gloomy heavy hearted hopeless melancholy unhappy wretched TENSE anxious cranky distressed distraught edgy fidgety frazzled irritable jittery nervous overwhelmed restless stressed out VULNERABLE fragile guarded helpless insecure leery reserved sensitive shaky YEARNING envious jealous longing nostalgic pining wistful

What do you need? CONNECTION acceptance affection appreciation belonging cooperation communication closeness community companionship compassion consideration consistency empathy inclusion intimacy love mutuality nurturing respect/self-respect safety security stability support to know and be known to see and be seen to understand and be understood trust warmth HONESTY authenticity integrity presence PLAY joy humor PEACE beauty communion ease equality harmony inspiration order PHYSICAL WELL-BEING air food movement/exercise rest/sleep sexual expression safety shelter touch water MEANING awareness celebration of life challenge clarity competence consciousness contribution creativity discovery efficacy effectiveness growth hope learning mourning participation purpose self-expression stimulation to matter understanding AUTONOMY choice freedom independence space spontaneity

How to use conflict efficiently?  empathic listening: observations feelings needs requests  honestly expressing: observations feelings needs requests

Addressing Conflict and Confrontation Effectively (Corey & Corey, 2006) healthy sign of individual differences  Recognize that conflict can be a healthy sign of individual differences and an integral part of a good relationship. caring act  See confrontation as a caring act, not an attack on the other person.  Resist  Resist the temptation to plan your next response while the other person is speaking to you. identify your motivation  If you do confront a person, identify your motivation. responsibility for your own feelings  Accept responsibility for your own feelings. not to make dogmatic statements  In confronting another, try not to make dogmatic statements about the other person. how  Tell others how you are struggling with them.  Don’t walk away  Don’t walk away from conflict. forgiving others  Recognize the importance of forgiving others who have hurt you. forgive yourself  Recognize that it is essential to forgive yourself.

Outline for this session Why do we need conflicts? What are the hidden potentials of conflicts? How to use conflict efficiently? Thank you for your attention!

Resources  g/essay/transformation/ g/essay/transformation/   Dubrin A. J (2005) Human Relations, Career and Personal Success. New Jersey: Pearson Prentice Hall  Corey, G & Corey M. S.(2006) I never knew I had a choice, explorations in personal growth. Belmont, CA: Thomson Brooks/Cole  CIP.CHAP3.HTM CIP.CHAP3.HTM  hts_1999_June_3.htm hts_1999_June_3.htm