Boundaries, Ethics and Self-Care Gera Benoit

Introductions Introducing ourselves first name position, organization

Constructing Relationships Mindfulness adds depth and insight to Boundaries and Ethics This can increase our skillfulness in Relationship- Building

Our plan today Use a simple mindfulness practise to help us understand our Boundaries and Ethics

Why Mindfulness? Deepen self awareness Create an inner dialogue Breath = fully present Soften the inner critic

Where do we start? Think of something negative about yourself and put your hand up Willoughby Britton, neuroscientist - Tedx

Mindfulness focus for this session To bring more kindness to ourselves Kindness changes the way we think Kindness softens the way we walk in the world

Kindness Self Assessment On a scale of 1 to 3: 1 = a little 2 = quite often 3 = most of the time

Boundaries and Ethics On a scale of : 1 = understand a little 2 = understand quite a lot 3 = able to teach others

The Guest House A poem by Rumi Welcoming all of ourselves requires kindness.

Invitation to Kindness Breathe in kindness May I be at peace with myself

Coffee filter: private exercise Positive and negative experiences (history) Main messages you heard as a child Main messages you’ve heard as an adult Life changing events What makes you proud or happy Key beliefs and values

Program Participant Coffee Filters

Invitation to Kindness Breathe in kindness Breathe out peace

Boundaries and ethics Boundary and ethical choices exist in every relationship and every interaction It’s important to consider how work-place boundaries and ethics play out for us

Expectations limit possibility 1. How is this true? 2. How are expectations connected to feeling resistant? 3. How are expectations helpful? 4. How are expectations connected to boundaries and ethics? *Offer examples

Resistance: friend or foe? How do we know we are resistant to a person or a rule etc. How is resistance helpful? How does resistance work against us? Ask yourself: When am I most resistant?

Invitation to Kindness Notice any resistance Breathe in kindness May I be kind to myself

Boundary Exercise “Invite” yourself to participate. Instructions and questions before beginning.

Boundaries and Self Care Consider sharing with the person to your right. Invite yourself to be honest. How was it to only have to look after yourself in that exercise?  What does the walking exercise tell you about your boundaries?

Boundaries in the workplace 1. What are boundaries? 2. How are they helpful? 3. How might they get in our way? 4. How do we know healthy boundaries from unhealthy boundaries?

Boundaries and History How do our (coffee) filters relate to our boundaries? How do our filters relate to our response to other’s boundaries?

Mindfulness and Boundaries Our filters may reflect experiences of abandonment, rejection, betrayal and invasion Notice our defences with kindness  Lack of boundaries  Shifting boundaries  Rigid boundaries

Demonstrating Boundary Defenses  Lack of Boundaries  Shifting Boundaries  Rigid Boundaries Consider vulnerability need to appear “professional” comfort/discomfort

Invitation to Kindness Breathe in kindness May I be at peace

Boundary Concerns Work environment Advice giving Other’s – Brain storm in groups What do the concerns look like? How does training in kindness make a difference?

An Ethical Path The Four Fold Way 1. Show up 2. Pay attention 3. Speak the truth 4. Don’t be attached to outcome First Nations Wisdom

Understanding Ethics Cultural rules Social behaviour Professional ethics Personal ethics

Ethics are values and boundaries Our work organization contracts are legal agreements Confidentiality Sharing information is not okay. 1) List exceptions. 2) The Freedom of Information and privacy Act? 3) How are these tricky in small communities? 4) How does our filter help or get in the way?

Ethical Practise 1. Know your code of ethics; it may be helpful 2. When do we involve our supervisor or other(s)? Kindness as a personal ethic

Cultivating Kindness Breathe in kindness May I be gentle and kind with myself and others

Ethical concerns at work Dual relationships Advocating with external agencies and police Create a group list of key concerns * Work groups using kindness as a tool

What can we bring to the relationship table? 1. Our capacity to know ourselves (defenses+triggers) 2. Our capacity to “see” the other 3. A calm, kind, open approach 4. Flexible boundaries 5. Clarity in ethical decision making

Kindness Self Assessment Will kindness practise help you in your work? 1) occasionally 2) quite often 3) most of the time