Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode

To equip and assist Christians and their churches to respond to conflict biblically peacemaker.net Pamphlet: nciples_Pamphlet.pdf

Fighting Fair – Conflict Resolution 1.Stuff Happens! Conflict is part of living in a fallen world 1.A Commitment to live at peace with everyone 1.How to say “I’m sorry” 1.Don’t find fault, Find a remedy; Anybody can complain 1.When everything else fails

The Slippery Slope of Conflict

Fighting Fair – Conflict Resolution 1.Stuff Happens! Conflict is part of living in a fallen world 1.A Commitment to live at peace with everyone 1.How to say “I’m sorry” 1.Don’t find fault, Find a remedy; Anybody can complain 1.When everything else fails

Four G’s A commitment to Biblical Conflict Resolution

1 st “G”: Glorify God 1 Corinthians 10:31

2 nd “G”: Get the log out of your eye Matthew 7:1-5

3 rd “G”: Gently restore Galatians 6:1

4 th “G”: Go and be reconciled Matthew 5:23-24

Fighting Fair – Conflict Resolution 1.Stuff Happens! Conflict is part of living in a fallen world 1.A Commitment to live at peace with everyone 1.How to say “I’m sorry” 1.Don’t find fault, Find a remedy; Anybody can complain 1.When everything else fails

Fighting Fair – Conflict Resolution How to say “I’m sorry”: Asking for and granting forgiveness

SEVEN A’s OF CONFESSION

1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected)

2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs)

1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected) 2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs) 3. Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions)

1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected) 2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs) 3. Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions) 4. Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone)

1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected) 2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs) 3. Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions) 4. Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone) 5. Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution)

1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected) 2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs) 3. Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions) 4. Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone) 5. Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution) 6. Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions)

1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected) 2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs) 3. Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions) 4. Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone) 5. Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution) 6. Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions) 7. Ask for forgiveness

Four Promises of Forgiveness

“I will not dwell on this incident.”

Four Promises of Forgiveness “I will not dwell on this incident.” “I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.”

Four Promises of Forgiveness “I will not dwell on this incident.” “I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.” “I will not talk to others about this incident.”

Four Promises of Forgiveness “I will not dwell on this incident.” “I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.” “I will not talk to others about this incident.” “I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.”

GO AND BE RECONCILED In order for true reconciliation to happen:

GO AND BE RECONCILED In order for true reconciliation to happen: Personal Offenses must be addressed and laid to rest through confession and forgiveness (OWNERSHIP)

GO AND BE RECONCILED In order for true reconciliation to happen: Personal Offenses must be addressed and laid to rest through confession and forgiveness (OWNERSHIP) The material issues of the conflict must be resolved by negotiating a mutually satisfactory agreement (WHERE DO WE GO NOW?)

This week’s message:

Five Stones on the Pathway of Finding Solutions

1. Don’t be surprised by conflict

John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

2. Humble yourself before God and others

Philippians 2:1-4 1 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

3. Be Bible, Gospel and Spirit-filled

Colossians 3: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

Colossians 3: Let the word of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

4. Love your “opponent”

Romans 12: Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

5. Do the hard work of solution seeking

Romans 12: Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Romans 12: Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” [Deuteronomy. 32:35] says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” [Prov. 25:21,22] 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

PAUSE Principle for seeking solutions

PAUSE Principle for seeking solutions P. repare A. ffirm Relationships U. nderstand interests S. eek creative solutions E. valuate options objectively

PAUSE Principle for seeking solutions P. repare A. ffirm Relationships U. nderstand interests S. eek creative solutions E. valuate options objectively

PAUSE Principle for seeking solutions P. repare A. ffirm Relationships U. nderstand interests S. eek creative solutions E. valuate options objectively

PAUSE Principle for seeking solutions P. repare A. ffirm Relationships U. nderstand interests S. eek creative solutions E. valuate options objectively

PAUSE Principle for seeking solutions P. repare A. ffirm Relationships U. nderstand interests S. eek creative solutions E. valuate options objectively

PAUSE Principle for seeking solutions P. repare A. ffirm Relationships U. nderstand interests S. eek creative solutions E. valuate options objectively

Gospel Application:

Do you need to PAUSE with anyone?