Marriage God’s Way Duties of the Husband to the Contract Having a marriage that is both pleasing to God and rewarding to us is one of those subjects that it seems no amount of teaching is sufficient to do justice. Perhaps this is so because we as a society have drifted so far away from the shore of what God said marriage should be that it is a long swim back- perhaps too far for far too many! Another problem with regard to our understanding of marriage is the overall lack of solid, biblically-based, examples from which to draw in our lives. Many individuals have no one in their immediate, or even extended, family which has not been divorced and remarried (often multiple times). While these may serve as negative examples of what not to do, clearly there is no one from which draw conclusions about how to marriage work as God intended. Thus, divorce tends to feed on itself to the point of perpetuation. What to do? Having already considered both the Origin and Purpose of marriage, as well as Biblical Love: The Foundation of Marriage in previous lessons, let’s move more directly to understanding our duties in marriage. After all, marriage won’t work unless we do!

The Duties of Marriage: Remember first that this is God’s Institution given to us for His purposes and our benefit. Anyone who truly wants a successful and happy marriage must: 1.Understand and accept this principle; and 2.Be willing to work (hard, especially initially) to fulfill his or her obligations to the contract as promised before God and to each other, cf. Rom.1:31 re: “untrustworthy”.

The Duties of Marriage: What Husbands are pledging with “I Do”. A. To be a proper Head, Eph.5:23. Headship involves several important aspects, but the primary one is that of leadership. “As Christ is head of the church…” is the basis for proper headship and therefore leadership of the family (husband/wife and/or husband/wife/children). This kind of headship: 1.is based on sacrificial love, Eph.5:25b 2.and therefore makes and implements decisions based upon the best interest of those under his headship, Eph.5: This obviously precludes selfish, arrogant, and tyrannical decisions such as are sometimes falsely associated with headship!

The Duties of Marriage: What Husbands are pledging with “I Do”. B. To maintain proper Love, Eph.5:25, Relative to these verses, consider: “How much, and or, to what degree is this kind of love?” 1.“just as Christ loved the church” is a powerful statement. Consider also what Christ was willing to become and do for the church from Phil.2:5-9. Now, is headship a privilege or a duty and obligation? 2.“as their own bodies” is likewise a powerful description of the degree of love required. This doesn’t refer to some arrogant “Adonis complex” of one who is in love with himself, but rather refers to the basic tendency of man to love and cherish his own life: self-preservation. 3.Prior to marriage, a man’s decisions and activities have been based on his own self-interests. But with marriage, he has become “one flesh” with his wife/family and is therefore now obligated to her/their best interests. He desires certainly nothing less for her/them- and by the example of Christ, much more than for himself. Such love constrains, or controls him, cf. 2Cor.5:14.

The Duties of Marriage: What Husbands are pledging with “I Do”. C. To grant proper Honor, 1Pet.3:7. Several points should be noted from this verse: 1.“likewise” draws attention to the fact that this it is not only the wife’s duties (from vv.1-6) that bear upon the marriage. 2.“live with” means much more than just showing up at the table and in the bedroom. Properly understood, the phrase refers to domestic association and sums up the relationship. 3.“in an understanding way” - what does this mean? The KJV says “according to knowledge”. The phrase refers the way not the woman; it means to understand or having knowledge of God’s institution- both the responsibilities and privileges of it, and the abilities and limitations God has created within her as your wife.

The Duties of Marriage: What Husbands are pledging with “I Do”. C. To grant proper Honor, 1Pet.3:7. Several points should be noted from this verse: 4.“grant” her honor. This honor is to be granted or bestowed. The Greek word aponemo is found only here in the N.T. It means to apportion or assign. Thus, her honor is not necessarily based upon merit per se, but rather is to be based on the unique and privileged position bestowed upon her as “woman” by God, Gen.2:18, She is to be assigned “honor” because God honors her. Further, she is due honor because she has been willing to submit herself to your care and control as your “wife”- which is no small matter, Eph.5:22! 5.“as a weaker vessel”- does not say she is a “a weaker vessel” but “as…” This refers not the any moral or intellectual weakness- indeed she may be “stronger” in these. It acknowledges the physical differences, generally, in strength, and requires that the husband take note of and accommodate her to the benefit of all. 6.“fellow-heir of the grace of life” - Does this refer to physical or spiritual life? “Yes,” is the answer. She is a fellow-heir of physical life in that she has the same Creator, and is a “human being” just like you- thus, honor her as such. But, hopefully, she is also a fellow-heir of spiritual life as well. As a Christian, she certainly deserves to be honored for her commitment to Christ, cf. 1Tim.2:15.

The Duties of Marriage: What Husbands are pledging with “I Do”. C. To grant proper Honor, 1Pet.3:7. Several points should be noted from this verse: 7.“that your prayers be not hindered” clearly indicates that failure toward marital duties by the husband/head can result in a damaged, if not destroyed spiritual relationship with God! Prayers are hindered by sin, cf. 1Pet.3:12. This how seriously this duty of headship must be taken! D.To furnish proper Provision, Gen.3:17-19,23; 1Tim.5:8; Eph.5: “No,” I don’t believe prohibits the wife from working “outside the home” as such would appear to contradict Prov.31 as well as other passages. It does say that it is the husband’s responsibility to provide for the family. He would seek no less provision for her than for himself, as we’ve already noted, Eph As he is to be her spiritual leader and provider, cf. 1Cor.14:35; Eph.6:4, so too he is to be in regard the physical needs of the family, cf. Matt.6:25-34; 1Thess.4:11-12; Eph.4:28.

Conclusions: What I hope we’ve accomplished is to make clear the duties of the Husband to God and His family in the covenant of marriage. With Headship comes responsibilities. If a marriage/wife/children are not what they should be, at least some responsibility must be given to the Head. Next, we’ll look at the Wife’s duties.