Lesson 10: Dealing with Criticism Makin’ It Work Transitioning from Corrections to Community and the World of Work Lesson 10: Dealing with Criticism Module IV: Handling Difficult Situations © 2008 by Steve Parese, Ed.D. 4/12/2017

What do you get out of this? How does it apply to you? Words of Wisdom “The most important part of listening is just paying attention.” What do you get out of this? How does it apply to you? 4/12/2017

Today’s Lesson 1. Read new story about Damon Today’s lesson will teach us a professional way to deal with others’ complaints or concerns, especially when they are being critical of us. 1. Read new story about Damon 2. Learn five steps to Dealing with Criticism 3. Practice using steps in mock situations 4. Review & MiniQuiz 4/12/2017

Questions after reading: Damon’s Story 4 Let’s read along on page 56. “Damon worked second shift, loading and unloading trucks…” Questions after reading: 1. What did Damon do wrong? What should he have done instead? 4/12/2017

About Dealing with Criticism Many times, people make bad situations worse because they don’t know how to deal with criticism calmly. It is hard to handle criticism without getting defensive. But often times, the person complaining just wants to be heard. Using these steps is about understanding why our supervisor, co-worker, or customer is upset, so that we can calmly and professionally resolve the problem. 4/12/2017

“Dealing with Criticism” Steps 1. Stop & Think 2. Listen Carefully 3. Show You Understand 4. Ask What to Do 5. Explain Your Side Discuss specific work-related situations when you might need this skill. 4/12/2017

Dealing with Criticism with Damon Let’s help Damon use this skill to do a better job of handling criticism. 1. Stop & Think Be sure you are calm and thinking clearly while dealing with criticism. Imagine Damon sees Mr. Lamar approaching at the end of shift. What should he do to use this skill? USE STOP & THINK: Bite his lip, Take some deep breaths, and Use positive thinking to stay focused on keeping job. 4/12/2017

2. Listen Carefully Dealing with Criticism with Damon Let’s help Damon use this skill to do a better job of handling criticism. 2. Listen Carefully Pay attention and listen without interrupting. How can you tell when someone is really listening to you? Or NOT listening? Create a list of GOOD vs. BAD LISTENING HABITS 4/12/2017

ACTIVITY: Talkers & Listeners Please pair up. Choose your role: Talker or Listener ___________________________________________________________ Question for Listeners, following the activity: What did your Talker DO? How did it make you FEEL? 4/12/2017

Why bother doing this instead of Dealing with Criticism with Damon Let’s help Damon use this skill to do a better job of handling criticism. 3. Show You Understand Show that you can see the other person’s point of view, even if you disagree with it. Why bother doing this instead of arguing YOUR side now? Because our goal is to PROFESSIONALLY handle an upset person (supervisor, coworker, or customer), rather than just reacting to them personally. 4/12/2017

Calmly acknowledge their feelings without making excuses 3. Show You Understand Calmly acknowledge their feelings without making excuses “I understand. It seems like you’re _________ about ____________.” EMOTION SITUATION “I can understand why you’re ______________ about ____________.” If you believe that you were wrong, you can add a brief apology -- but only if you're sincere. Notice that these statements are much like the Reverse Problem Statements we learned in Lesson 6. 4/12/2017

Write a “Show You Understand” statement for this situation. “Dealing with Criticism” Example #1 Write a “Show You Understand” statement for this situation. An old friend walks into the store where you’re working, and the two of you spend 15 minutes laughing about old times. Your coworker Jim reports you to the supervisor. Later, you ask him why he didn’t just talk to you. Jim says: "You should have known better! It’s one thing to just say ‘Hi, let’s talk later.’ But you spent 15 minutes joking and laughing while I had to keep working. You think I wouldn’t rather spend my time doing something more fun?” You FEEL like yelling at him, but decide to handle his criticism calmly instead. To show him that you understand his point of view, you say: “I guess I understand, Jim. You were ___________________ because ______________________________________________.” 4/12/2017

Write a “Show You Understand” statement for this situation. “Dealing with Criticism” Example #1 Write a “Show You Understand” statement for this situation. An old friend walks into the store where you’re working, and the two of you spend 15 minutes laughing about old times. Your coworker Jim reports you to the supervisor. Later, you ask him why he didn’t just talk to you. Jim says: "You should have known better! It’s one thing to just say ‘Hi, let’s talk later.’ But you spent 15 minutes joking and laughing while I had to keep working. You think I wouldn’t rather spend my time doing something more fun?” You FEEL like yelling at him, but decide to handle his criticism calmly instead. To show him that you understand his point of view, you say: “I guess I understand, Jim. You were UPSET because I spent so much time talking with my friend during work time. I get that.” 4/12/2017

Write a “Show You Understand” statement for this situation. “Dealing with Criticism” Example #2 Write a “Show You Understand” statement for this situation. You’ve been working in a restaurant for the past two weeks, trying to be friendly and fit in. You’ve asked a few of the waitresses out, but they’ve turned you down. One day the manager, Bill, calls you into his office: “I need to talk with you about something. I’ve gotten a few complaints that you’ve been a little too friendly with some of the waitresses. They’re.... uncomfortable with how pushy you’ve been, to use their words. Do you understand what I’m talking about, or do I have to go on?” You FEEL like playing it off, but decide to handle his concerns seriously instead. To show him that you understand his point of view, you say: “I do understand, Bill. It sounds like you’re ________________ about _________________________________________________.” INTRODUCTION: ____________________________________________ SITUATION: _______________________________________________ 4/12/2017

Write a “Show You Understand” statement for this situation. “Dealing with Criticism” Example #2 Write a “Show You Understand” statement for this situation. You’ve been working in a restaurant for the past two weeks, trying to be friendly and fit in. You’ve asked a few of the waitresses out, but they’ve turned you down. One day the manager, Bill, calls you into his office: “I need to talk with you about something. I’ve gotten a few complaints that you’ve been a little too friendly with some of the waitresses. They’re.... uncomfortable with how pushy you’ve been, to use their words. Do you understand what I’m talking about, or do I have to go on?” You FEEL like playing it off, but decide to handle his concerns seriously instead. To show him that you understand his point of view, you say: “I do understand, Bill. It sounds like you’re CONCERNED about me asking out a couple of the waitresses. I sure didn't mean to make them uncomfortable with me.” 4/12/2017

What could Damon say to show he understands Mr. Lamar’s point of view? Dealing with Criticism with Damon Let’s help Damon use this skill to do a better job of handling criticism. 3. Show You Understand Show that you can see the other person’s point of view, even if you disagree with it. What could Damon say to show he understands Mr. Lamar’s point of view? “I understand where you’re coming from Mr. Lamar. You’re ______________ because __________________ _______________________________________, right?" 4/12/2017

What could Damon say to show he understands Mr. Lamar’s point of view? Dealing with Criticism with Damon Let’s help Damon use this skill to do a better job of handling criticism. 3. Show You Understand Show that you can see the other person’s point of view, even if you disagree with it. What could Damon say to show he understands Mr. Lamar’s point of view? “I understand where you’re coming from Mr. Lamar. You’re UPSET WITH ME because WHEN I’M LATE, IT THROWS EVERYBODY OFF, right?" 4/12/2017

Dealing with Criticism with Damon Let’s help Damon use this skill to do a better job of handling criticism. 4. Ask What to Do Say “I want to work this out.” Then ask (in a sincere way) what the other person wants to do to resolve the problem. If you agree, end here. If not, go on to Step 5. To “Ask what to do,” you can say things like: “What would you like me to do?” “What should we do next?” “Where do we go from here?” 4/12/2017

“Dealing with Criticism” Example #1 Asking What to Do… You've been talking with Jim, the co-worker who was so upset about your 15-minute conversation with an old friend. You've just said something like: "I guess I understand, Jim. You were upset because I spent so much time talking with my friend during work time. I get that." What could you say to use this next step, Ask What to Do? "I want to ____________________________________. What _______________________________________?" 4/12/2017

“Dealing with Criticism” Example #1 Asking What to Do… You've been talking with Jim, the co-worker who was so upset about your 15-minute conversation with an old friend. You've just said something like: "I guess I understand, Jim. You were upset because I spent so much time talking with my friend during work time. I get that." What could you say to use this next step, Ask What to Do? "I want to get along with you, Jim. Do you need something from me, or are we okay?" 4/12/2017

“Dealing with Criticism” Example #2 Asking What to Do… You've been talking with your boss at the restaurant. You've just said something like: "I do understand, Bill. You're concerned about me asking out a couple of the waitresses. I sure didn't mean to make them uncomfortable with me." What could you say to use this next step, Ask What to Do? "I want to _____________________________________. What _______________________________________?" 4/12/2017

“Dealing with Criticism” Example #2 Asking What to Do… You've been talking with your boss at the restaurant. You've just said something like: "I do understand, Bill. You're concerned about me asking out a couple of the waitresses. I sure didn't mean to make them uncomfortable with me." What could you say to use this next step, Ask What to Do? "I want to work this out and get along with everybody, Bill. What do you think I should do at this point?" 4/12/2017

Dealing with Criticism with Damon Let’s help Damon use this skill to do a better job of handling criticism. 4. Ask What to Do Damon has been listening to Mr. Lamar complain about his tardiness. He's just said something like: “I understand where you’re coming from, Mr. L. You’re upset with me because when I'm late, it throws everybody off, right?” What could Damon say to use this next step, Ask What to Do? “I really want to work this out, Mr. L. What do you ___ _____________________________________________?” 4/12/2017

Dealing with Criticism with Damon Let’s help Damon use this skill to do a better job of handling criticism. 4. Ask What to Do Damon has been listening to Mr. Lamar complain about his tardiness. He's just said something like: “I understand where you’re coming from, Mr. L. You’re upset with me because when I'm late, it throws everybody off and costs money, right?” What could Damon say to use this next step, Ask What to Do? “I really want to work this out. Mr. L. What do you NEED ME TO DO?” 4/12/2017

____________________________________________________ Dealing with Criticism with Damon Let’s help Damon use this skill to do a better job of handling criticism. 5. Explain Your Side If needed, explain your side of the problem and try to find a compromise. ____________________________________________________ If the criticism is happening because you made a mistake, “Explaining Your Side” will sound like making excuses. But if you are being unfairly criticized, or if the other person has only half the story, tell your side! Just do it professionally. 4/12/2017

“Dealing with Criticism” Example #1 Explaining Your Side… You've been talking with Jim. You've just said something like: "I guess I understand, Jim. You were upset because I spent so much time talking with my friend during work time. I get that.” He's replied: "No, we're okay. I'll do my job, and I guess I just want to know that you're doing yours too." Would you want to Explain Your Side? If so, how would you say it? "I get your point about doing my job, but I want you to hear my point too. If you have a problem with something I've done, I'd appreciate it if you'd come to ME before you go and report it to the supervisor. Are you good with that?" 4/12/2017

“Dealing with Criticism” Example #2 Explaining Your Side… You've been talking with your boss at the restaurant. You've just said, "I want to work this out and get along with everybody, Bill. What do you think I should do at this point?" He's replied: "Nothing... I wouldn't suggest apologizing to the girls, if that's what you mean. Just be aware, is all." Would you want to Explain Your Side? If so, how would you say it? Leave this alone. Any explanation of your side is going to sound like you’re making excuses. 4/12/2017

Damon’s Story 4 Let’s read along on page 59 as Damon gets a second chance to deal with Mr. Lamar’s criticism. 4/12/2017

How will YOU Deal with Criticism? Group Skit Activity How will YOU Deal with Criticism? Think about a difficult situation at work. How can you use these steps to deal with a complaint or concern in a professional way? _______________________________________ Prepare small group skits to role play your stressful work situation and your calm professional response to it. 4/12/2017

KEY POINT #1 It’s hard to deal with criticism without getting defensive or feeling disrespected. However, you actually GAIN respect when you are able to handle legitimate constructive criticism professionally. 4/12/2017

KEY POINT #2 Never leave a feedback session without a clear idea of what the person wants from you. If you don’t agree, find a solution you can live with. 4/12/2017

Let’s complete the MiniQuiz in the workbook and review it as a group. √ Let’s complete the MiniQuiz in the workbook and review it as a group. 4/12/2017

Today’s Words of Wisdom: “The most important part of listening is just paying attention.” How does this fit in with our lesson? What is ONE THING you learned in this class that you will remember after leaving? 4/12/2017