BA4: Revision Tips for success

Your grader said you were wordy. Omit meaningless modifiers absolutely, awfully, definitely, fine, great, interesting, quite, really, very Replace wordy phrases at all times  always at that point in time  then at the present time  now, today due to the fact that  because for the purpose of  for in order to  to in spite of the fact that  although in the event that  if Can you eliminate 50 unnecessary words? Can you eliminate 100?

Eliminate Passive Voice Mistakes were made. We made mistakes. Miley Cyrus is influenced by Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga influences Miley Cyrus. The song was performed by Miley Cyrus. Miley Cyrus performed the song. It was decided that Miley Cyrus should never appear on TV again. They decided that Miley should never appear on TV again.

Your grader said your writing could benefit from improved organization. Topic sentences Discuss the literature rather than the topic. Discuss trends and debates rather than specific people. Do topic sentences coordinate with your thesis?

Your grader said your writing was choppy. Use transitional words and phrases for increased flow.

Your grader said your tone was unprofessional. Eliminate personal pronouns like “you” and “me” and “my” and opinion phrases like “I think” or “I believe.” Avoid personal examples. Eliminate contractions. Refer to scholars by their last names. Avoid making arguments about the topic.

Your grader said you were under the word count. Find another article to discuss. Include another sub-point in your thesis. Discuss methodologies. Discuss rhetorical strategies. Introduce your scholars!

Your grader said you’ve written a research paper and not a literature review. Are you spending too much time on one article? Summarize briefly and then move on to comparisons with other articles. Remember, the majority of your paragraph should focus on relationships. Summarize on your way to making a point: The article, which asserts that spanking negatively affects a child’s ability to make friends in junior high, provided a case study that many subsequent articles have cited. The study, which interviewed over fifty couples about their feelings toward spanking, found that women are often the instigators of spanking. These results directly contradict the work of Scholar A, whose own study of two thousand couples found that men are the likely instigators of spanking.

Your grader said your writing was filled with typos. Have a friend or roommate read it aloud to you. Take notes. When your friend stumbles on a word or phrase, rewrite it for clarity. Read your paper sentence by sentence, starting with the last sentence. Use spell check. Visit the Writing Center.

BA4 How does this revision better suit your audience? Audience – professional, academic, scholarly If you made your writing more professional If you eliminated typos and grammatical errors If you eliminated wordiness How have you refined the purpose of your paragraph/paper? Purpose – to synthesize, to compare/contrast, to discuss relationships, to explain trends, to detail debates or methodologies or rhetorical strategies If you introduced your scholars If you eliminated summary in favor of synthesis If you added another example How did you more adequately convey what you mean? Meaning – to clarify, to simplify, to avoid distracting language, to streamline If you improved the organization by adding topic sentences If you improved the flow with transitional phrases If you eliminated wordiness If you eliminated typos and grammatical errors

Remember... Include your thesis, Your original paragraph, Your revised paragraph, And a paragraph discussing the changes you made, in which you mention audience, purpose, and meaning.

Looking Ahead Due October 18 th Pages in your textbook for help with introductions and conclusions Make an appointment now with the Writing Center.