Review from Yesterday  What does redundancy mean?  What is an example of redundancy?  How do you revise it?

What are you learning today?  Yesterday, you learned about redundancy. Today is all about wordiness.

Why are you learning this?  This is another grammar faux-pas that many of us are guilty of.  We talked about filling pages with redundancies yesterday. There is another habit many people have that lead to wordiness. We add unnecessary phrases to sentences.

Let me show you what I mean.  He was really late to his English class due to the fact that he had to finish his math test.  After reading this sentence, we know what the sentence means, but there is definitely a shorter, clearer way to say it.  Do you have any suggestions for revising this sentence for clarity, without changing the meaning?

 Did our revisions make the sentence longer or shorter?  Did our revisions make the sentence clearer?  Did our revisions change the meaning of the sentence?

Let’s do a few more together  I, personally, believe a person who is honest, in this day and time, is hard to find.  Meaning:________________________________________________________________________  Revision: ______________________________________________________________________  Meaning: ________________________________________________________________________

 In the field of economics, professionals know nothing is ever free.  Meaning:________________________________________________________________  Revision: _______________________________________________________________  Meaning: ______________________________________________________________

Group 1 EL CAJON, Calif. — Shaima Alawadi, an individual who is a 32- year-old woman from Iraq who was found majorly, severely beaten next to a threatening note or letter saying "go back to your country" died on Saturday. Hanif Mohebi, the director of the San Diego chapter of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, said he met with Shaima Alawadi's family members in the morning and was told that she was taken off life support around 3 p.m. "The family is in shock at the moment. They're still trying to deal with what happened," Mohebi said.

Group 2 Alawadi, a mother of five children, had been hospitalized since her 17-year-old daughter found her unconscious Wednesday in the family's house in El Cajon, police Lt. Steve Shakowski said. The daughter, Fatima Al Himidi, told KUSI-TV her mother had been beaten on the head repeatedly with a tire iron, and that the note that surrounded her said "go back to your country, you terrorist."

Group 3 Addressing the camera, the tearful daughter asked: "You took my mother away from me. You took my best friend away from me. Why? Why did you do it? "Police said the family had found a similar note one and the same earlier this month but did not report it to authorities. Al Himidi told KGTV-TV her mother felt, personally, that the first note was just a child’s prank.

Group 4 A family of the friend, Sura Alzaidy, told UT San Diego that the attack apparently, seemingly occurred after the father took the younger children to school. Alzaidy told the newspaper the family is from Iraq, and that Alawadi is a "respectful modest muhajiba," the end result is she wears the traditional hijab, a head scarf. The family had lived in the house in San Diego County for only a few weeks, after moving from Michigan, Alzaidy said. Alzaidy told the newspaper her father and Alawadi's husband had previously worked together in San Diego as private contractors for the U.S. Army, serving as cultural advisers to train soldiers in the event that they would be deployed to the Middle East.

On Your Own!