Psychology 137C: Intimate Relationships Week 9, Lecture 2: Intimacy Across the Lifespan REMINDERS: The review session for the final will be in this room next Wednesday. Course evaluations will be distributed at the end of the last lecture that day. The final itself will be in this room during the normal lecture time one week from today (June 4 th ).

Beyond Young Adults Relationships are to humans as water is to fish. So far, we have focused on intimate relationships between adults. How does intimacy affect us throughout our lives?

Children as Witnesses How much are young children aware of the relationships of the adults around them? Answer: they are incredibly sensitive. Affected by conflict Affected by resolution or not See right through mixed messages

Why Do Adult Relationships Matter So Much? Primary appraisals Primary appraisals Effects on emotional regulation Effects on emotional regulation Secondary appraisals Secondary appraisals Effects on self-concept Effects on self-concept Sensitization or desensitization? Sensitization or desensitization? Experimental evidence Experimental evidence

Siblings Nearly 90% of us have siblings. Nearly 90% of us have siblings. For kids, conflict is more frequent in sibling relationships than any other relationship. For kids, conflict is more frequent in sibling relationships than any other relationship. Why should this be? Why should this be? Evolutionary approaches Evolutionary approaches Differential treatment: the doll vs. book study Differential treatment: the doll vs. book study

Effects of Siblings Sibling relationships promote theories of mind. Sibling relationships promote theories of mind. The benefits of conflict The benefits of conflict The false belief test The false belief test

Friendships The first voluntary relationship The first voluntary relationship The role of shared imaginative play The role of shared imaginative play New source of working models of self and other New source of working models of self and other

Sociometric Testing How it works How it works The four categories: The four categories: Popular Popular Rejected Rejected Controversial Controversial Neglected Neglected Implications of these categories Implications of these categories

Adolescence The attachment transition The attachment transition Even 9 year old kids know what intimate relationships are like. Even 9 year old kids know what intimate relationships are like. By 6 th grade, kids want relationships themselves. By 6 th grade, kids want relationships themselves. But big cultural differences. But big cultural differences.

Adolescent relationships matter! Break-ups in adolescence can trigger onset of major depression Break-ups in adolescence can trigger onset of major depression Consequences for pregnancy, STDs, violence Consequences for pregnancy, STDs, violence Continuity with adult relationships Continuity with adult relationships

Cohabitation Over 50% of married couples live together first. Over 50% of married couples live together first. But most cohabitors do not go on to marry. But most cohabitors do not go on to marry. Types of cohabitors: Types of cohabitors: Engaged or pre-engaged (46%) Engaged or pre-engaged (46%) Coresidential daters (29%) Coresidential daters (29%) Trial marriage (15%) Trial marriage (15%) Substitute marriage (10%) Substitute marriage (10%)

Long-term Relationships What happens to an intimate relationship over many years? What happens to an intimate relationship over many years? Sex declines Sex declines The Penny Jar story The Penny Jar story Positivity declines Positivity declines But negativity stays the same But negativity stays the same Satisfaction declines Satisfaction declines

Intimacy in Later Life After 65, men are nearly twice as likely to be married than women. After 65, men are nearly twice as likely to be married than women. Why? Why? Experiences with intimacy in earlier life have health and wealth consequences for later life. Experiences with intimacy in earlier life have health and wealth consequences for later life. Older adults, date, cohabit, and remarry. Older adults, date, cohabit, and remarry.

Sexuality in Later Life Source: Lindau et al., 2007

Losing a Partner Men are at increased risk of depression; women are at increased risk of poverty. Men are at increased risk of depression; women are at increased risk of poverty. Is it easier if the death is expected? Is it easier if the death is expected? Does prior relationship make a difference? Does prior relationship make a difference? Does the death of one predict the death of the other? Does the death of one predict the death of the other?