Singlehood, Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and Cohabitation Chapter 5 Singlehood, Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and Cohabitation 1

Chapter 5: Singlehood, Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and Cohabitation Chapter Outline Functions, History, and Changes in “Dating” Singlehood and HIV Infection Risk Finding a Partner Cohabitation Living Apart Together The Future of Singlehood, Long-Term Relationships, and Cohabitation

Chapter 5: Singlehood, Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and Cohabitation Introduction Quote: “The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.” Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave Discussion: By age 75, only 3.9% of American women and 3.8% of American men have never married. Between the ages of 25 and 29, 61.1% of males and 46.3% of females are not married. Why is marriage so important? Do we need marriage?

Chapter 5: Singlehood, Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and Cohabitation Introduction Food for thought… Persons who live together and then marry are less likely to get divorced than those who don’t live together before marriage. True or False?

Chapter 5: Singlehood, Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and Cohabitation Introduction FALSE Researchers refer to the cohabitation effect as the tendency for couples who cohabit to end up in less happy and shorter-lived marriages (more likely to divorce). Cohabitants are more likely not only to divorce but to report more disagreements, more violence, lower levels of happiness, and lower levels of ability to negotiate conflict.

Singlehood Singlehood is most often associated with young unmarried individuals. Individuals Are Delaying Marriage Longer: The proportion of households consisting of one person living alone increased from 30.1% to 31.1% in two years This is due, in part, to the fact that Americans are staying single longer.

Singlehood Categories of Singlehood Never-Married Singles It is rare for people to remain unmarried their entire life. Why? Divorced Singles The divorced are also regarded as single. It is difficult for many divorced individuals to transition back to singlehood. Widowed Singles These individuals are forced into singlehood. How might this be difficult?

Singlehood Reasons to Remain Single

Singlehood Reasons to Remain Single

Singlehood The Alternatives to Marriage Project Mission Statement: To advocate “for equality and fairness for unmarried people, including people who are single, choose not to marry, cannot marry, or live together before marriage.”

Singlehood Legal Blurring of the Married and Unmarried One factor involved in more individuals delaying marriage is that the legal distinction between married and unmarried couples is blurring. For example, individuals who define themselves as being in a domestic partnership may have many of the rights and privileges previously available only to married people.

Singlehood Personal Choices Is Singlehood for you? Consider the pros and cons of these concepts when contemplating your position on being single: Alone time Money Social Identity Children

Confirmation of a social self Recreation Functions, History, and Changes in “Dating” Functions of Involvement with a Partner Confirmation of a social self Recreation Companionship / Intimacy / Sex Anticipatory socialization Status achievement Mate selection Health enhancement

Functions, History, and Changes in “Dating” Changes in “Dating” in the Past 60 Years Increase in the age at marriage Dating pool includes an increasing number of individuals in their 30s who have been married before Cohabitation has become more normative Gender role relationships have become more egalitarian Couples are more aware of the impermanence of marriage Both sexes are more aware and cautious of becoming HIV-infected

Functions, History, and Changes in “Dating” Dating after Divorce Using the Internet to find new partners Older population Fewer potential partners Increased HIV risk Children Ex-spouse issues Brief courtship

Functions, History, and Changes in “Dating” Singlehood and HIV Infection Risk Though women typically report having had fewer sexual partners than men, the men they have sex with have usually had multiple sexual partners. Hence, women are more likely to get infected from men than men are from women.

Finding a Partner Ways of Finding a Partner Hanging out Refers to going out in groups where the agenda is to meet others and have fun Hooking up A one-time sexual encounter in which there is little or no expectation of a relationship. The nature of the encounter may be making out, oral sex, and/or sexual intercourse.

Finding a Partner Ways of Finding a Partner Men and Emotional Hookups “Some men engaged in hookups, but found it difficult to remain detached from the experience.” The Internet—Meeting Online and After There are hundreds of Web sites designed for meeting a new partner. Internet Use: The Downside WildXAngel.com is a Web site detailing horror stories of online dating.

Finding a Partner Ways of Finding a Partner Speed Dating A person has eight one-on-one dates that last eight minutes each. Speed dating allows individuals to “interview” a series of new people in a single evening. High End Matchmaking Wealthy busy clients looking for marriage partners pay the Web site, Selective Search, $20,000 to find them a mate. International Dating Looking for love in other countries, via matchmaking services, or the Internet.

Cohabitation Also known as living together There are six million unmarried-couple households in the United States today. Becoming a “normative life experience,” almost 60% of U.S. women who married in the 1990s reported that they had cohabitated before marriage.

Cohabitation Reasons for the increase in cohabitation: Career or educational commitments Increased tolerance of society, parents, and peers Improved birth control technology Desire for a stable emotional and sexual relationship without legal ties Avoiding loneliness Greater disregard for convention

Cohabitation Same Sex Cohabitation and Race Of the six million unmarried partner household, 7% consist of two males; 6% consist of two females. An estimated 13 percent of these are black couples.

Cohabitation Nine Types of Cohabitation Relationships Here and Now - The partners are focused on the here and now, not the future of the relationship. Testers - The couple wants to assess whether they have a future together. Engaged - These couples are in love and are planning to marry.

Cohabitation Nine Types of Cohabitation Relationships Money Savers - The couples live together out of economic convenience. Pension Partners - Getting married would mean giving up their pension benefits from the previous marriage. Alimony Maintenance - The divorced partner is collecting alimony, which the would forfeit should he or she remarry.

Cohabitation Nine Types of Cohabitation Relationships Security blanket cohabiters - Drawn to each other out of a need for security rather than mutual attraction. Rebellious cohabiters - The cohabitation is more about rebelling from parents than being drawn to each other. Marriage never (cohabitants forever) - Living together provides companionship and sex without the responsibilities of marriage.

Cohabitation Advantages and Disadvantages Sense of well-being Delayed marriage Learning about self and partner Safety Disadvantages More problems than “marrieds” Feeling used or tricked Problems with parents Economic disadvantages Effects on children

Cohabitation Having Children While Cohabitating Sassler and Cunningham (2008) interviewed twenty-five never-married American women who were cohabitating with their heterosexual partners. Most (2/3) reported that they wanted to be married before having a child. None of the respondents planned on having a child in the near future and none were actively trying to conceive.

Cohabitation Legal Aspect of Living Together Some of the legal issues concerning cohabiting partners include: Common-law marriage Palimony Child support Child inheritance

Cohabitation Legal Aspect of Living Together In North Carolina, cohabitation is a misdemeanor punishable by a fine not to exceed $500, imprisonment for not more than six months, or both. Common-law marriage dates to a time when couples who wanted to be married did not have easy or convenient access to legal authorities.

Living Apart Together Advantages and Disadvantages Space and privacy Career or work space Variable sleep needs Allergies Variable social needs Blended family needs Keeping the relationship exciting Self-expression and comfort Cleanliness or orderliness Elder care Maintaining one’s lifetime residence Leaving inheritance to children Disadvantages: Stigma or disapproval Cost Inconvenience Lack of shared history Waking up alone

Living Apart Together Food for thought… 7% of women and 6% of men age 23 and older (who are in a romantic relationship with their partner) are in a “living apart together” arrangement. Discussion: What would be some of the difficulties with a relationship of this sort?

Quick Quiz Functions of being involved with a partner include intimacy and: status achievement mate selection companionship all of the above ANS: D

Quick Quiz In traditional Chinese culture, romantic feelings were viewed as: very important unnecessary scandalous vital to marital happiness ANS: B

Quick Quiz Partners who are emotionally and sexually involved and want to see whether cohabitation and marriage are the right decision are referred to as: here and now testers rebellious cohabitators commitment-phobic ANS: B

Quick Quiz Which one of the following is not a legal concern for cohabitators? Common-law marriage Palimony Alimony Child inheritance ANS: C

Quick Quiz A committed couple who does not live in the same home is considered to be: Living Apart Together (LAT) Non-Cohabitating Couple (NCC) Separated Married Couple (SMC) Loving Long Distance (LLD) ANS: A